Closer to the Edge
by Azure Ryukiba
Summary: Someone, somewhere thought it would be funny to not only send me to another world entirely, but also curse me to live life as a cat. This is the tale of my struggle to regain some kind of normalcy, but leave it to me to make it worse. eventual FenrisxOc
1. Santuary

_~Closer to the Edge~_

_PROLOGUE:_

_The kidnappers threw the small cat across the shore, she had gotten in their way, and as a result had been tossed aside like a rag doll. The little body collided with stone in a sickening crunch that sent Anders into a rage of blue light. The little cat was his friend, that little cat was me, Valerie._

_I've heard that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes, but in my case I don't really see anything except fading images of the world around me. I've never really been one to think to hard on superstition and the like, but recently I've started to make exceptions with the place I've been._

_I digress. I better get this out before I really can't think any longer. I should start back from the beginning, back when I had been once human. How I had ended up like this is beyond anything I can comprehend. It all started when my friends and I had returned home from Christmas break. The accursed holiday just a few days away, we had returned home from college to be with our families. And all hell broke loose, literally._

_..._

_Over the last few years since I had started college I had learned people are extremely stupid, fussing over the most ridiculous nonsense. December 21, 2012 being the most ridiculous of the bunch. We're supposed to believe that the world is just going to end like that because a calender says so? Ours ends every year and the world just doesn't stop like that. Besides these people believed that sacrificing people to their 'gods' would make it rain and crap._

_Sorry I'm rambling again about this. I've just heard about enough of it on the radio today and I'm pretty sick of it. I would rather not listen to a bunch of morons scare the crap out of people just for entertainment purposes. We're dumb and gullible enough without having crap like this shoved down our throats._

_Anyway, after saying goodbye to friends we all returned home for the holidays. I like the college I go to, don't get me wrong, but I'm glad to be home without the stress of when my next exam is._

_"Hey I'm home!" I call busting through the door. My parent's and brother don't even look up at me staring glued to the screen of the Television. Thanks guys, glad to know I was missed._

_If I had known that would be the moment I may have never seen them again, I would have said more. Told them that I loved them, and that my brother wasn't as much of a geek that I thought he was. Perhaps the first thing that tipped me off things were going wrong was the fact our dog was cowering under the table for no reason._

_I still remember the look of pure terror in her eyes as her little paws covered her nose. I wanted to go over and pull her out, but that's when the room began to shake. And everything went black..._

CHAPTER 1: SANCTUARY

I hiss at the man as he tries to grab me, and swat at his hand. He recoils giving a loud curse and the small table I've been trying to hide under is thrown across the street. My eyes widen as the only protection that I'd had splintered and broke apart. Scooting across the dirt I back into a wall giving it a quick glance before returning to watch the man. He grins thinking that he's finally caught me, but I make one last lunge and run between his legs.

Okay lets get some things straight, one I'm not really a cat I'm a human. And this other human is trying to catch me for his dinner. And two, I don't even know how the hell I got here or ended up like this in the first place.

I had never believed that 2012 crap, but now I'm starting to wonder if this is what was supposed to happen. Or if it's just me? I've been stuck in this weird world for three days now, I've seen a good bit of this cities not so glorious interior. Needless to say I've almost given up hope of trying to even understand any of this. All this running from these poor starved people isn't helping matters. When I outrun one, I just run into another and end up chased around in circles.

At least when two people chasing me meet they begin fighting and lose me entirely. But I can only run for so long before I'm to tired. I'm hungry myself I haven't eaten anything here. It scares me to even smell the rotten food left laying around. Dashing a corner I duck behind it's walls and watch as the man chasing me passes by completely unaware. Giving a huff I squeeze tighter into the small space I'd found and lay down. I can't keep up with this, it's just to much.

I want to cry, but I don't think I can. I've never seen a cat cry so I guess it's imposable. Then again I don't think I'll be throwing that word around so loosely anymore. Seeing my current position. I can settle for snorting through my stubbed nose.

Three days without food or water finally did make it's mark. I didn't realize that a hand had came down toward me. I jumped up and gave a weak hiss at the new man that came at me. I pushed myself farther back into the hole as far as I can but I don't think it's enough. His arms look pretty long, he's not a small guy not at all.

He looks surprised at first, but a smile tugs at his lips and he squats down on his knees. "Here kitty, I'm not going to hurt you." Sorry not falling for it, I hiss and swat feebly at him as he reaches his hand forward. He only gives a little laugh. "Come on I promise." He holds both hands out expecting me to just walk out of my hole.

I've wedged myself to far into here, I am not coming out for you buddy.

He sighs and sits back farther on his legs tapping his hands on his thighs a few times. He bends back over leaning down making a clicking noise and wiggling his fingers close to the opening. Take a message go away. "Come on. It isn't safe for you out here kitty."

Gee, wonder what gave that away? For a second he doesn't move, and then just sits down cross legged and folds his hands on his legs. Waiting game? Great, is there still time for me to not join in?

A few hours tick by, he still doesn't move a muscle. I'm not budging either, but my eyes are to heavy to keep open and I feel my head sinking down toward the ground and my body relax. I'm not sure how long I dozed off for, but it couldn't have been long the man's still there.

Persistent bastard.

"Anders? There you are what are you doing..." I snap my head up and tense up again at the second voice. The first man turns his head slightly to talk to the other man.

"Found a cat!" He boasts proudly. I can only glare at him from the darkness. "Won't come out though, probably scared half to death by now." He scratches at his stubbled chin sheepishly. Again, what gave that one away?

"Alright..." The second man just gives the first a blank stare from behind him.

"Why are you here, Garrett?"

"I came to pick up the notes you made."

Anders? Took in a deep breath. "Ah yes, I'm sorry I left them in the clinic." He made to get up but threw his eyes back at me and took a gulp.

Garrett sighed loudly. "Bring them by The Hangedman later..." With a wave of his hand he turned around and walked off out of my site. Leaving me and Anders to stare down and wait for the other to break. He just leans forward on his knees drawing in a deep breath and resumes to have a little smile.

"I used to have a cat... Ser Pounce-a-lot..." I pin my ears against my head again, don't care. "Such a good cat. I wish I didn't have to give him up. 'You're becoming to soft, Anders!'" I blink slowly as he gives a sad chuckle. Don't move just stay in your little corner, Val, just... stay … here...

"What about you? Did you have an owner before?"

…

"Probably not, huh?" He looked over his shoulder a few times and stretched his back. "Come on, I don't have much, but it's more to offer than what's here." He clicked his tongue again and held his hand out waving his fingers. I guess... he doesn't seem so bad? He hasn't made an attempt to seem threatening, but then again he could be trying a different ploy.

Nope staying here.

"Kitty come on, it'll be dark soon." He did have a point, and I don't want to be out here in the dark for another sleepless night. He sits on a knee and rests his arm on it. "Coming kitty?" He stands and stares down at me. I slowly peek my head out around the corner trying to see if anyone else is nearby, but I don't see or hear anyone.

One small step after the other and I stand not quite at Anders' feet. He reaches down and I hiss a warning up at him. "Alright, I won't touch you." He clears his throat and takes a step back. "Follow me kitty, home is this way." No, home is nowhere near here.

He walks off and obviously expects me to follow after him. He glances over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure I actually am following. He opens a door and looks down waiting for me to enter. I quickly trott in keeping my eyes fixed on him in case he made any kind of unwanted movements. He didn't and I went to find a spot to hide in.

* * *

><p><strong>Here we go again... My recent obcession Dragon Age 2! And Fenris... broody elves are the smex... ughhh... ahem :3 My attention span is so short lived. Hope you guys will enjoy, and if i mess up anything(it's going to happen) please please let me know so I can fix it. Anywho review mah lovlies, and yes this will be an eventual FenrisxValerie fic. Sowwie Anders. Going to try not to go anywhere near the game storyline, except for major plot points as in the Expedition and Fenris' stuff.<br>**


	2. Names and Dreams

CHAPTER 2: NAMES AND DREAMS

Once I was inside Anders' home he didn't try to bother me anymore. The fact that I was inside must have let him breath easier, hell even I could breathe easier, but he did often search me out in the darkest corners. At first I didn't trust the food he sat out for me, thinking it might be poisoned, but eventually hunger had to win out. Besides if he were going to poison me, it would just end up poisoning him back if he... yeah not going there.

And like he said, he didn't have much, hell he didn't have anything but the clothes on his back.

People came in through the doors and he would use some weird lights on them. I wanted to get a closer look, but I didn't want the people seeing me. He might not want to eat me, but that wouldn't mean that they wouldn't like kitty on a stick. Gross. I have a whole new respect for pets, I thought it would be easy having someone take care of me all day and not have to worry about work. But here at least that wasn't the case. It was life or death out there.

So long as I have a place to hide in and food to eat I should be fine. But I can't just hide in Anders house all the time. I need to figure out just what made me like this. I do wonder who else was brought here, and if they were turned into random animals or left as they were.

All random thoughts aside I'll just watch Anders as I eat. It's kind of creepy how he'll just sit there watching me right back. Obsessed much? He looks like the kind of person that hasn't had much to smile for, so I guess I'll let it slide for now. He's a nice guy though, and his Garrett friend comes in pretty often, he argues with him a lot though. Which makes me think they're not at all on good terms.

"Blondie!" I jump and nearly knock over my bowl as I dash behind my little barricade Anders had so kindly made for me. Peaking my head out of the opening I watch this stout man walk in with much more swagger than he should. "We haven't seen you at the Hanged Man, I was getting worried." The new man pulled up a chair sitting at the table with Anders.

"I've just been busy here." Leaning forward and pointing off toward me he laughed. "Plus I have a new friend."

"Oh who might she be?" He wiggled his big eyebrows.

Anders paused for far to long. What is he thinking, what... is going through his mind now. "Lady Whiskers!" … what?...

"Come again blondie?" With a cheerful grin he repeated himself causing the other man to bust into a fit of laughter.

"Meet Varric, Lady Whiskers. Come on out don't be afraid." He leaned on his knees and snapped his fingers in my direction.

Seriously, _Lady Whiskers_? A freakin five year old could come up with a better name... You're on your own this time buddy.

I heard him hum as I turned my back and lay down. "She usually comes when I call her..." Varric laughed loudly.

"Maybe she doesn't like her name."

No shit, Sherlock. "No, she's just scared of strangers." I can just hear the sickening smile in his voice. "I'm sure she'll be all over you when she knows you."

"Hey I have a way with women..." He thought for a moment. "I suppose it can go across all species." Freak. The two had a good chuckle out of that, and I could only roll my eyes. What I wouldn't give to be able to speak again.

Varric stayed for hours just talking to Anders, it was a wonder that a group of patents hadn't came in to interrupt the little girly talk session. I swear I've never heard two grown men laugh over the most ridiculous things. Well the fact I don't know about what they're talking about half the time doesn't help anyway. Not that I could say that anyway.

That and I think I've heard enough on 'Mage's rights' from Anders to last me a life time. He. Does. Not. Stop. Okay we all get it, you're upset with the way things are, but it's not going to change any time soon. I realize that whats going on with the mage's isn't exactly like anything that went on back on Earth. It's similar but not really.

Nothing I can do though... what ever I guess...

"Come around more often, Blondie. Don't work yourself to hard alright?" A chair slid loudly and a pair of boots clanked across the floor followed by another set soon after.

"I will try, Varric. Thank you for visiting." Anders yawned and earned a laugh from Varric and what sounded like a slap on the back. Anders grunted from the force and gave a little cough. Varric only laughed harder.

I peeked my head around the corner watching as the dwarf left the way he had came. Anders shut the door behind him giving a loud sigh. Running his hand over his face he swayed toward his room.

"Meow?"

I followed him into the small room as he sat down on his hard lumpy cot. He only smiled sadly down at me as I blinked up at him. I did the only thing I could do and rub my head into his ankle.

"I wonder what you're afraid of, Lady?" A lot of things actually. He sighed and reached down rubbing behind my ears, that felt nice...

"Do you feel like I've locked you away?" It's better than being out there waiting to be Sauteed Valerie thank you. "I hope not."

"Meow..." My I'm such an articulate cat...

"Would you help me free the mage's from their prisons? I could train you as a vicious attack kitten like Ser-Pounce-alot." He laughed lightly. "You would have those Templar's running." Whatever you say, but I'll just humor you. So I swat at his hand feebly, I don't actually want to hurt him after all.

"Yes the most feared duo in all of Thedas! Anders' and his faithful feline companion Lady Whiskers!" He picked me up sitting me in his lap. "Freeing everyone from the Templar's oppression. If it were only possible."

He stares blankly with a sad smile on his mouth, and I instantly wish I could give the guy a hug. Maybe someday mages would be free, but for now it looks like they'll just have to hold on until then. He lay back on his cot and I crawled to lay on his chest. Staring down at him in that weird way only a cat can do when it's on your chest.

Looking right into your very soooouullll... yeah I'm getting a little to comfortable with this. Help me please... and oh god am I actually purring now.

How do I turn that off, I feel like I have a phone on vibrate in my head!

Anders just lay there comfortably still rubbing me behind the ears. And I close my eyes and drift off to sleep with him.

_Where am I? It... looks like a forest, at least I think it is. But everything is so distorted and moving around weirdly. _

_ I'm... home? But how is that … never mind not going to use that word remember, ugh._

_ Instinctively I bring my arms around myself surprised to find that I'm not a cat anymore! I jump up and down excitedly nearly screaming out happily, but find my voice doesn't work. _

_ Ah, damn-it..._

_ I knew it was to good to be true. Well I guess that theirs no use just standing around here. I may as well take a look around and see what all is here. _

_ Then it became painfully obvious that I wasn't actually home. It may have looked like the forest behind my house, but the house was nowhere in site. Come to think of it there was a lack of civilization._

_ Almost soundlessly my feet shuffled to a stop in the grass. In a huff I bent down and touched the blue-green waving grass. I couldn't feel it, but the I remembered how it felt. So in a way I did feel it. It was strange needless to say. _

_ Then I looked up to see a blue orb circle around me and I fell right on my ass. _

_ What is that thing!_

_ "__**I am no thing. I am Hope, and who are you?**__" Holy shit it can hear me? _

_ The blue puff ball floated around again making me nearly get whiplash trying to keep up with it. _

_ "__**Your presence feels familiar... speak mortal.**__"_

_ Ugh wait what? _

_ The puff ball that calls itself Hope flares out wildly reminding me of a tiny sun. I open my mouth floundering like a fish out of water, speaking but no words come out of my mouth._

_ Where am I? What's going on? What are you? How do I get out of here? The generic questions that someone lost needed to ask and know._

_ "__**Calm yourself mortal, you are in the Fade. My home.**__" It bobs up and down; my head matching it as it floats. "__**As to leave, that is up to you.**__"_

_ Up to me? Great, so I just have to want to be out of here or something?_

_ "__**If that is what you desire.**__"_

_ I am curious about this place but I don't really want to hang around Hope, the floating lantern._

_ "__**I am a spirit, not a lantern mortal.**__" _

_ Oh just shut up already, leave me alone and I want out of this weird ass twisted dream._

And just like that I twitch awake as if I had just had a nightmare. But sadly I find myself back in my feline body, wanting instantly to go back to that freaky orb thing. At least there I was myself, and not stuck at ankle level with everyone else.

Anders' hand slid off of my head just moments after I woke up, and I found him asleep. I'd never seen him asleep until now, I hadn't ever gone into his room since he had rescued me from the streets.

I had heard screaming at night, but I didn't want to see what was going on. It sounded painful. Even now I can tell his face is distorting with unseen pain. Whatever he's dreaming about can't be pleasant at all, but something tells me just to sit still and hope he doesn't knock me senseless if he decides to thrash around.

My ears pin back against my head as Anders lets out a scream. Whatever he's dreaming about frightens me even though I can't see what it is. It sends a shiver all the way down my spine and my tail involuntarily twitches several times. I close my eyes hoping that it'll be over soon, and that Anders will settle down into a less stress inducing dream. One that would hopefully not get me pummeled for no reason at all.

After awhile Anders finally stopped screaming all together, and lay there quietly. He wasn't twitching and jerking about, or groaning in pain anymore. Cracking one eye open I could see perfectly well in the dark room. His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat. He looked like he had just ran several miles and passed out right here.

About the loudest sound he made now was breathless pants every few seconds.

I took this calm moment to slide off of his chest and step over his outstretched arm and curl up by his head. Maybe at least here he wouldn't throw me accidentally across the room.


	3. Kind Healer

CHAPTER 3: KIND HEALER

To say Anders has some interesting friends would be an understatement. Today I met the gang, and when we walked into this smelly ass tavern bar thing, that was the least of my worries.

First their was Varric, who I'd sort of met, he was nice. Nothing really bad I could say about him, but he egged on the worst of the group.

Isabela. That woman just has to make every word that comes out of her, or anyone elses mouths, a sexual innuendo. I have to admit I kind of like her though.

Then theirs Merrill, the very talkative elf. I like her already, and I think she likes me too. Although Anders did pick me up several times when I walked across the table toward her. He gave up eventually and let me steal attention from everyone at the table.

Garrett's brother Carver was there too. He wasn't really at all pleasant to be around. He grumbled a lot and sneered at his brother. I don't think even my own brother would act like that toward me. But weirdly enough he still respected him. Their relationship was weird to say the least.

Then there was one more that sat at the table. Another elf, with white hair and a temper that would make little kids scream for their mothers. Not once did he smile at anyone. When he was asked a question or the conversation steered in his direction he was blunt and to the point.

He didn't waste time joking around with anyone, and refused to look at Merrill and Anders. But oh boy when Anders made it a point to get his attention did things get ugly.

I am so glad that Merrill is holding me right now. I swear Anders is about to do something that would make him look foolish.

"Enough!" Garrett barked over the two before anything actually started. "If you can not converse without it turning into a conflict, then leave." He pointed off at the door his scowl only hidden behind most of his short beard. "Stop acting like children." Anders sank back down into his seat, so did Fenris, the elf, and they were both quiet for the rest of the afternoon.

Varric ended up pulling out a deck of cards, and they all started playing. Things seemed to calm down around them and they all settled in for drinking, eating and playing.

I stared over the cards in Merrill's hands at the group as they all wore their best poker faces, or lack there of in some peoples case. I have no idea what kind of game they're playing, the pictures on the cards look like the ones you use for fortune telling, but I guess that's not really the case for these particular ones.

Several rounds were played, and the group began to dwindle out until Anders called for me. My head popped under Merrill's arm until I could see him. I slid off her lap and landed on the ground easily. Anders didn't let me stay on this nasty floor for long before he picked me up propping me over his shoulder letting me ride from there.

"Calling it quits already, Blondie?" Varric asked downing the last of his beer.

"I need to get back to the clinic." He reached up and pat me on the head and I closed my eyes leaning into his hand.

"Come now, we were about to play Diamond Back. Where the losers strip." Isabela leaned on the table and gave a wicked smile and winked. Anders groaned out loudly, he didn't want to be there for that. Not a little bit at all. Neither did I come to think about it.

Anders got back to the clinic in record time. Unlocked the nearly rotted doors, really what was the use in locking them? One good sneeze and they'd fall apart. He plucked me off his shoulder when we got into the large empty room. He looked around sadly before he took to cleaning up the mess from the day before.

I jumped up onto a chair and onto a table taking an old cloth and dragging it to where he put the dirty laundry. I heard him give a surprised gasp and then chuckle.

"So you want to help me?"

"Meow!" I dropped the cloth, pleh it tasted nasty. I don't want to do that again, who knows when it'd been washed last!

I picked up small objects from the floor and sat them on Anders desk. There wasn't to much I could do given my size. I wasn't very strong in this body.

Soon though I had to lay down in my little bed. It was nice and soft. Anders had gone out of his way to find me something comfortable to sleep on. I took a nap until he was finished, and it only ended up being messed up a few hours later. Another cave in had happened and several people were injured. No one was killed at least.

I woke up early in the morning, the sun hadn't even risen yet and looked for my water bowl. I nearly tripped into it I was still tired and half asleep. I sneezed the water out from my nose, I'd always made fun of my dog for sticking her nose in the water bowl. Now look at me... yay hypocrisy!

I could hear Anders was still awake, the door to his room was left open and I walked, trotted, over to the open door. He was sitting at his little table resting his head in a hand. He looked like he'd been raking his hand through his hair for several hours as he wrote on what ever it was he'd been doing.

He dropped his quill and slammed his head into the table groaning loudly. He just lay there and didn't move letting an arm dangle limply by his leg. He picked up his head slowly rubbing at his forehead and shook his head lightly. He was either getting to tired and didn't know what to write anymore, or he'd just gotten completely stuck.

I backed away from the room, not bothering to be quiet. He wouldn't hear my little footsteps anyway. I walked out of the clinic and into the narrow dark streets. I wasn't going to go far. I'd keep the lanterns in view.

I just wanted to at least give the poor man some privacy.

A sudden cry caught my attention. My legs locked up and my ears perked up trying to find where the noise had came from. I heard it again, and it sounded like someone was in pain. One good thing about being stuck as a cat, I could see really well in the dark. I slink around a few corners until I came across the one making the noises I'd been hearing.

It shocked me to see a small child laying in the middle of a gutter. Bleeding from a long gash in his leg. I jumped over several piles of junk to stand at the poor kids head. Who could have done this, I swear if I ever find out...

The kid cried again, this time a lot weaker than he had been. Why wasn't anyone coming out to help him! What's wrong with people here. I rubbed my nose against the kids cheek and he opened a swollen eye, and of all things, smiled.

"Kitty..." He hoarsely whispered and coughed. Hold on kid, I'm going to get help! I but my head against his hand and took off back to the clinic. I scrambled under the little hole in the doors and ran to Anders' room. He was laying on the desk with his head on it again.

"Meow... meow! Meow!"

Anders moaned loudly and grumbled. "Not now Lady... sleep time..." He threw a hand over his head and tried to go back to sleep. Damn-it not now, you got work to do mister. I meowed louder, turning into more of an annoying and irritating howl.

Come on Anders that kid's life is in your hands.

"Lady go away..." He mumbled through the table. I jumped on the edge of the chair and onto the table using my little paws to push his head. It didn't do more than rock it slightly on his arm. Anders come on stop being such a pain in the ass.

"Meow!" Wake up already... Alright you asked for it. I extended my claws and scratched them down his cheek. He jumped up nearly knocking me off the table. I jumped down as he threw a hand over his slightly bleeding cheek.

"What was that for!"

"Meow!" I howled out again taking off through the clinic, Anders chased right behind me slamming into the door when I dove under the gap. He fumbled with the lock for a few seconds before he threw the door open finding me standing in the light of the lanterns.

I took off down the ally and he was right behind me. Anders gave a curse when he saw me scramble over the junk in the gutter to find the little boy. He was still alive, but had been barely breathing.

Anders threw the garbage that had began to pile on top of the kid and scoop him into his arms. He rushed back to his clinic, careful not to jar the kid to badly on his way. He set to work immediately on mending the kid up. He used what magic he could before he fell exhausted into his chair. He'd wrapped up the various cuts in clean bandages. Treating anything else that could have posed a problem.

He breathed heavily and I jumped up into his lap. His hand absentmindedly scratched behind my ear and I purred happily. I hope the kid will be alright.

"You did well Lady." Anders finally opened his eyes and tiredly looked down at me. He looked drained, but happy that he had found the child in time. I gave a quiet meow, you're welcome. "That boy owes you his life." He sighed heavily and relaxed into his chair leaning his head against the wall.

I wasn't the one that had taken him to the clinic, healed and bandaged his wounds. That was all you Anders.

The next morning Varric came to visit. And when Anders retold what happened, Varric was slightly shocked. "Sometimes, I wonder just how much she understands me..." Anders tried to say without yawning.

"I'd say. If she were only human, you'd have the perfect assistant." Varric gave a little laugh. Oh if you only knew.

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><p><strong>Alrighty then! So, I've gotten most of the story already written out for the Fenrisy goodness, but I'm still unsure of how long to make this where she's a cat. I was thinking maybe another two chapters at most. Then get into the main plot. Yes the story does have a plot... takes awhile to get to it though dur hur...(is a special author) <strong>


	4. Stupid Man

CHAPTER 4: STUPID MAN

I will never blink kid.

He'd made a perfect recovery. Thanks to Anders he looked like he'd be able to leave soon. Provided we found his parents. He smiled and laughed rubbing a little to roughly on my back for my taste. "Good kitty!" He laughed and ack choking Valerie here.

Lucky you're such a cute little elf.

I'd heard Anders talking with Varric more the other day. The kid could keep his near mangled leg. Anders had been able to save it, but when he healed it. It would never look the same again. The damage had been made to kill him. He had his life though, so I guess that counts.

Although he'd never get over the trauma, he put up such a brave front. He couldn't have been more than six years old. The strength of children is so amazing, they can almost always bounce back with a happy face. All it takes is a little encouragement.

"Here, drink this." Anders leaned over handing the kid a cup of water. He took it and gulped it down like it'd be his last. "Taking a liking to Lady Whiskers are you?"

"Fluffy kitty!" Yes fluffy, I've noticed.

"Child, where are your parents?" Anders sat down on the little mat placing a hand on the elf's shoulder.

"Mommy told me 'run', and she stopped moving." Oh god, the poor kid lost his mother that night didn't he. He didn't mention his father, which leads me to believe he wasn't around; well it could have meant anything really. I can't just assume.

"Do you have any other family?" The boy just shook his head. Anders stood up from the mat and walked across the room telling the kid to rest. He lay down and after a few minutes released his strangle hold on me. I wiggled out slowly so as not to wake him and bound, yes don't judge, across the room into Anders' lap.

"It's sicking isn't it Lady." You got that right. "And to think. The guards will do nothing about this. They won't even try." Anders grit out bitterly. The elves did seem to have it pretty bad, at least from what I could tell.

Merrill didn't look like she was at all upset about anything, but Fenris looked generally pissed at the world. Then again they're just two out of god knows how many in this city. Oh the joys of racism. I'd hate if the kid had to be put into a orphanage. Nothing that I could do about it though, and neither could Anders. He couldn't keep him in the clinic forever.

It was to dangerous apparently. With him being able to use magic and all.

"I'll think of something Lady." He sighed heavily relaxing into the chair. He did, I didn't like it one bit. I followed him to the orphanage that day, and it was heart breaking. It took so much begging for the woman to take in another 'knife ear'. Wow what kind of racist bullshit is that?

He checked on the kid for a few weeks after that from a distance. He looked like he was doing alright, maybe he would get adopted, but according to Anders it wasn't likely. He was better off here though, at least he would be safe.

"Alright Lady, pick up the bandages." Again with this... I thought I'd made it clear I could understand you. "Who's a smart girl!" I dropped the bandages and tried to run before Anders would pick me up and start cuddling me.

No stay away crazy cat man!

_Gack_! Damn-it he caught me. I kicked my legs trying to get free, but he held on to tightly. Please stop this is embarrassing... Alright Anders, you're lucky I like you at least a little bit. If you didn't look so damned sad all the time. Don't you dare speak a word to this to anyone. I'll scratch you again, I'll do it too. I'm not afraid.

There was a loud banging on the door and Anders stopped his choking cuddle trying to murder me. They banged again with much more urgency. My captor slowly walked over to the door and looked out through a small crack. I couldn't really see who it was, but Anders decided to unlock the door and let them in sitting me to the ground.

I ducked into my hiding place peeking my head out as two men and a dwarf walked into the clinic... wow that sounds like the start of a bad joke.

"You are the healer correct?" The dwarf asked as the two men took up positions by the door. I could see the look of distrust on Anders face.

"Who are you?" He was no longer the silly carefree man he'd been a few seconds ago. He was dead serious and didn't trust the three men.

"Please, relax. We know who you are, and we come for your assistance." The little man waved his hands in a nonthreatening manner, but Anders didn't drop his guard.

Anders crossed his arms against his chest waiting for them to elaborate on their own. When they didn't he turned his head back making himself look tougher than he was. Or he could have been that tough, I'm not really sure. "And why would I help?"

The dwarf gave a little laugh sending his 'body guards' out the door. "I hear you want to rescue the mages from the tower. Listen, we have a plan to break them out a few at a time."

"And where do I come in?" He dropped his arms. Was he really considering doing this, what kind of idiot are you don't agree to some random dudes claims. Dumb ass.

"If they see a Grey Warde-"

"How do you know so much about me!" Anders nearly growled out giving a strange blue glow before it stopped. He sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Alright, suppose I do help you. Where would these mages be until I could help?"

The dwarf placed a hand as far as he could reach toward Anders' shoulder and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. I could see Anders' expression turn to extreme concentration. Anders stood back up giving the dwarf a nod of his head. That idiot had agreed to whatever stupid plan he was making.

Anders went about gathering things, and preparing to go out for what could be a long time. The dwarf settled in and his buddies stayed some place outside. I snuck out, I don't trust them at all. Maybe it's because I've been stuck like this that I don't just trust everyone who comes up to me, or if I've always been like this. But something was seriously wrong with this group.

I looked around the dark alley trying to find the two men, but they were out of site. I wandered around a little more until I came to the steps and could hear talking.

There was a low gruff laugh from one man. "Those chantry bastards are going to pay us a fortune."

"One apostate and we'll be set for life!" The other gave a snort. What are they talking about... this doesn't sound good. I leaned down on the stairs trying to see the men hiding under them like rats. Cats hunt rats you bastards, you better not be plotting something...

The stair I was standing on gave a loud groan and the men stopped laughing and talking. "Someone's there!" They called rushing out from hiding. They had weapons drawn, but stopped and stared like a couple dim-witted morons.

"It's a cat..." No shit. "Think it heard us?" One asked in a slight whisper. I pined my ears against my head beginning to sneak away.

The other guy slapped the other in the chest with the back of his hand. "It's a cat! Who cares." Oh look the smart one of the two. Good bye!

As I ran I nearly caused the dwarf to trip over me as I ran back to the clinic. He gave a loud curse and knocked over a stack of empty crates. Anders was prepared to leave and had gotten a long bladed looking staff thing. I jumped in front of him and used all my strength to push him back inside. He only tripped over me as he walked.

"Sorry Lady, you need to stay here." I bit down onto his boots trying to hold him inside the room, it wasn't working. You stupid fool those guys are bad news. "Lady! Not now." He bent down and pried my teeth from his boot and pushed me back. I jumped right back up and bit down onto his robe making him growl in frustration.

Listen to the smart girl and keep your ass at home!

"Lady please, I'll feed you when I get back." I don't want food damn-it. "I'll just be gone for a few hours. Just to the Wounded Coast, now stop." I dropped his cloak. Don't you walk out that door mister, don't you... oh you fucking idiot.

I paced around the room looking at the door. What do I do... I don't know what to do... Shit shit shit... Ah-ha! His friends, maybe I could get them to help me! Aw but how... oh screw it I'll figure it out when I get there.

Now where was that smelly ass bar.

Up this lift thing, I remember that much. I stared at it for a second before jumping up on the thing and pouncing on the lever. I weighed just enough to make the lever go down and the lift went up. I landed back on the floor of the lift and when I got to the top ran out into a small crowd scaring them.

Sorry people bigger worries right now.

I looked around the streets for awhile before I saw the group all standing outside of a building. There you are Garrett! I ran toward the tall man but skid to a stop at the feet of a very big and very mean looking dog.

Was that even a dog! What the hell is that thing, it's huge!

It looked down at me snarling and a little foam coming from it's mouth. "_Ugh nice doggie..._" He stopped growling and tilted his head giving a little whine. Garrett looked down at the two of us, but I hardly noticed him, what with the big row of teeth ready to do who knew what.

"Feng... stop its just a cat."

"Oh it's Lady Whiskers!" Merrill cooed and bent down disregarding the cat and dog situation. "What are you doing out here all alone? Wheres Anders, did you get lost? I get lost all the time. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Daisy, I told you to use the yarn." Varric gave a laugh as Merrill stood up holding me against her shoulder. I could just stare wide eyed at the dog.

Wait I came here for a reason. I wiggled my way out of Merrill's arms and she nearly panicked thinking she dropped and hurt me. I scurried around Feng and pawed at Garrett's feet.

"_Come on, Anders needs help!_"

"_Feathered one?"_

_ "Yes Feathered on... wait what?"_

Feng gave a loud bark causing Garrett to ignore me and look to the giant mass of dog. The dog understood me, and I could understand him... what the hell is going on here...

* * *

><p>I had to do <em>something<em> those guys were going to hurt Anders. If not out right kill him. I didn't think that Garrett and the group would actually catch on that something was wrong. Thankfully they did, and Anders would be alright. He'd have to be. Throwing my head over my shoulder quickly I make sure they're still following behind me, how I'm so much faster is beyond me, thank god or the maker or what ever it is in this weird world.

Anders why do you have to be so trusting of complete strangers! Idiot, you should have seen this coming. I so wish I could yell at him for how stupid he is, damn curse or what ever; I'm sick of being a cat! Now it's only a matter of actually finding where they went.

"Garrett is there any special reason we're following blondies cat?"

"I just have a bad feeling." I hear the man say as we search the coast for any sign of foot prints in the loose sand. Feng sniffs the ground walking in erratic circles trying to gain Anders' scent.

The big dog's head lifts up and he give a bark signaling that we should follow him now. _"How far Feng?" _

_ "Not far, this way." _The big dog's tongue lulls outside of his mouth as I race to keep up with his much longer legs. _"Feathered one is in trouble. I smell it." _

_ "Not good." _I mutter to him thinking the worst. _"How many are with him?" _

_ "I can sent four others."_ He says proudly.

_"Good boy Feng. I'll be sure to find a bone or something for you later." _Feng barks loudly jumping over a fallen tree, and I climb my way up it behind him. The guys behind us all easily make their way over the log in time to see us run into a large cave. Anders, you better be alive.

Suddenly Feng stops dead in his tracks sniffing at his feet again. His jowls lift up in a silent snarl. We must be close. He tenses up and looks toward Garrett, awaiting for his command. The large man holds his hand out flat telling the massive dog to stay where he is. He hunkers down and prepares to lunge if need be.

_"Is Anders alright?"_

_ "Can't smell blood, don't think dead."_

I lower myself to stay by his side keeping my eyes on the group as they pass by us. But I can't take just sitting here, I have to see for myself if he's alright.

_"__Blood!" _Feng suddenly jumps to his feet, his eyes wide. _"Lots!"_

I hear a shout from a man echo through the cave and lightning crack and flash. Garrett and the others didn't sit still any longer and rushed around the corner. The men that had stabbed Anders in the back didn't stand a chance.

"Wait, don't kill him just yet." The blonde spat out a mouth full of blood and wiped it from his chin with the back of his hand. "Who sent you after me!" He ordered grabbing the man up by the collar of his shirt. With a weak grunt and insult in some language the man bit down hard on his tongue, and went limp. "Damn..."

He slammed his fist into the wall and ran a hand through his hair. Looking up to the others he cleared his throat and scratched at his neck sheepishly. "What did you get yourself into this time, blondie?" Varric said with a slight chuckle.

He continued to dab his hand at his lip trying to wipe away already dried blood. Obviously trying to delay his response. He might have been fine even if Garrett and everyone else hadn't shown up to throw the others numbers off, but I don't think even he would really want to risk that. There were far more than just the original four that Feng had smelled on the beach.

Speaking of Garrett he walked right up to Anders, got right in his face and threw a punch. "You damned fool!" Flinching at the other mage Anders held his hand to his chameleon jaw and stared bug eyed. If the man yelled any louder I'm sure the cave would come crashing down on us any minute. It hurt both Feng and my ears, not to mention all in ear shot. Everyone else had to be thankful that they weren't on the receiving end of his little speech. I know I am, jeeze scary, I almost feel sorry for Anders.

All the way out of the cave Garrett continued on. I don't even think he stopped to breathe for a moment, and by the time he did stop my ears were ringing like the bell around my neck.

Once we were close to the city walls Anders slowed, kneeled down and I stopped in front of him. "You don't think I'm a fool do you Lady?"

"Meow..." He picked me up, and I shot my paw out smacking as hard on the nose as the little furry pad would allow. _Idiot._

_I am surrounded by violets  
>Fading before you return<br>I will forgive the silence,  
>But do you hear me cry?<br>Destiny rumbles the fortress  
>Love conquers everything<br>You fought your way through the darkness  
>Take my hand, run with me <em>

**Desire of Ages - Sleep Thief**_  
><em>


	5. What is Real

CHAPTER 5: WHAT IS REAL

Death, no one knows when it's going to happen to them. But it's inevitable to occur. You either run from it in terror or embrace it and just let it pass. Some chose to fight back and others try to stop it completely.

If I had known what would happen I wouldn't have followed after Garrett, Anders, Fenris and Merrill. Then again I suppose that I wouldn't be normal again. Let me start from the beginning of the day, Garrett had came and gotten Anders with the other two in toe asking for their help.

Someone had apparently been kidnapped, _again, _and their family wanted them rescued. They had been dragged across Kirkwall and to the Wounded Coast sometime during the night. Or at least so their family had told Garrett, they were going to pay him a whole hell of a lot to get their son back. Something tells me that the kid was just being a rich spoiled brat trying to make mommy and daddy mad and ended up with the wrong group of 'friends' and now they're holding him ransom.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least to be honest.

"Meow..." I scratched at Anders boot making him pay attention to little old me.

He smiled kindly. "You want to come to Lady?" I _meowed _again climbing up his leg before he reached down and then sat me on his shoulder. I suppose that this brings us back full circle now.

I had managed to survive for nearly three months like this. I guess it must count for something right? To bad I can't say goodbye to them, looks like I'll be forced to never utter those words to anyone again...

…

Anders stopped glowing and panted heavily. He had almost forgotten why he was so upset in the first place. The look on Garrett's face was one of understanding, Fenris just disgusted and Merrill looked away, she couldn't meet his eyes.

Narrowing her large green eyes, she was unsure of what she was actually seeing. Her mind could just being playing strange tricks on her, or not, she couldn't be really sure herself. The guys apparently hadn't noticed so maybe there wasn't really anything there to begin with.

She knew an abundance about demons, but she never sensed anything about the tiny cat being one. Its body warped like it was being possessed, and she could only watch intrigued to what would come out of it. A desire demon came to mind at the humanoid body, but that thought soon stopped. It was a human, she, was human.

"Oh no..." Merrill was at a loss for words as she quickly dashed over to where the cat turned human lay. Her eyes darted around rapidly as she placed a hand on her bare back. Instantly she hoped that the woman was breathing, and was relieved when she felt the rise and fall of her chest through her back.

The men almost hadn't turned to see why Merrill had ran off, they had become used to her random strangeness.

Garrett's voice died in his throat as he let his call fade. He just watched Merrill clutch the woman to her chest.

"Garrett! The cat wasn't a cat, she's as human as you. How did this happen? I've never heard of anything like this..." She trailed off for a moment. "She's alive! We need to help her."

Anders' robe was then draped over the sleeping human in the elves arms and he knelt down placing his hands on either side of her face. Merrill watched the confusion pass across his features as he clenched his eyes in concentration. Her own face scrunched up like she was about to sneeze, but relaxed soon after as Anders hands glew softly.

"I can't find anything wrong... perfectly healthy." He still couldn't help but take a glance around the area for any signs of his little companion. Besides the blood stain on the rock and ground there was nothing.

"We should leave..." Fenris stated finally bored with the event and took a look at the frightened runaway/kidnapped child. Heaving a sigh he stalked past Garrett, just wanting to get away from all this magic that seemed to follow him no matter where he went. Being with a group of mages didn't make it any better.

…

I've never slept so soundly before. Slept like the dead I suppose is the phrase for it. Nice, warm and comfortable. I feel like I'm flying, or floating at least. My body feels lighter than the air around me. The first thing though I became aware of is the fact that I must still be alive. Unless hearing voices is apart of being dead. I thought that I would be alone in my own little world wherever I may be.

That and the fact that I can recognize the voices I hear.

Garrett's being snappy about something, Varric's trying to calm him down and Anders is unusually soft spoke. Merrill chimes in a few times, her words are rushed and confused.

"She can't stay here, and she can't stay in the Alienage Merrill." Garrett's voice calmed down as he talked to her. He was always kinder in his dealings with her. She was one of the few that could actually calm the man down.

Opening my eyes their forms were blurry, but sure enough they were all there. Even Fenris who had yet to say anything besides stand in the back with his arms folded.

"I do not want her to stay in Darktown... my clinic is safe enough, but what if she wanders off..." Anders sat down holding his head in his hands. "This just got far to complicated..."

"Just let her rest here for now. I'm sure she'll be fine soon." Varric placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a little squeeze. "We can figure out something then."

Merrill shifted around on the corner of the bed leaning on her knees, and looked down to me for a second. Then had to do a double take. A wide smile claimed her face. "She's awake, how do you feel? I gave you something to wear, is it comfortable? Are you to warm or is it not enough? I can find more blankets if you would like." She stood up placing a hand to my forehead. "Perhaps another pillow? Oh, dear I'm rambling..." She turned a slight shade darker.

"How do you feel, kitten?" Varric stood beside Merrill and smiled down warmly. I opened my mouth slightly, but then settled for staring up at him blankly. He wouldn't understand a meow as an 'I'm quite alright, thanks for asking.'

"Drink this." Anders then took Merrill's seat and pulled me up. He seems smaller than he used to for some reason. He's still huge, don't get me wrong, but something's off and I can't quite put my finger on it. I see the cup in my face, but the blanket slipping from me is more intriguing. It's to much to hope for what I'm looking at is really me.

"I don't think she's realized yet, Blondie." Varric chuckles holding a hand over his mouth as I watch one arm lift up and wiggle it's fingers in front of my eyes. Is it a figment of my imagination, or am I the one doing this?

The other hand follows to meet the other and flex. I look back to Anders, waiting for him to say something about his precious little kitty, but he doesn't. He just gives a faint smile. It vanishes as the ghost hand reaches out and touches his chin. But I'm the one that feels the prickly stubble under my finger tips. I can feel the warmth of his hand on the middle of my back where it's resting. I'm, no longer a mangy feline...

I retract my hand back to myself and study it rubbing my finger tips together. I'm me again, that part of this nightmare is over. I'm so happy I can cry, I don't want to exactly, but it's what I do anyway. I guess the fact that I'm laughing, abet strangely, must let the others know I'm not actually sad.

After some time Varric speaks again from his chair beside my bed. "How did you end up like that, kitten? I bet it would make a great story."

I scratch at my throat, I haven't tried to talk in the last three months besides 'meowing' at everything thrown my way. "I'm.. not sure." I can honestly barely remember what had happened. All I remember was the house shaking and nothing. And that's all I could tell them.

"If I didn't know better I would say you had angered a mage." Fenris had finally spoken making me remember that he was still here in the first place. "But even they shouldn't be capable of that." I'm not going to agree or disagree with him. I have no idea what mages can do, let alone what they're capable of.

"Why does everything have to be at the expense of mages with you?" Anders stood and pointed an accusing finger at him. "Not all mages are out to seek harm."

"Please stop." My whisper was ignored and my voice rose slightly in agitation, but that too was discarded.

"Yes, and I've seen enough of those to prove your point."

"They fight for their freedom just as you had!" Varric by this point had to step between the two and push Anders back.

"Out both of you!" Garrett's voice was stern and commanding. "Or maker have it I will beat both of you to the brink of death." Anders backed off immediately and left the room. Fenris as well began to leave, but stopped soon after to face me.

"I apologize, I should not have succumbed to his taunts in your presence." And with that he left the room closing the door behind him.

Varric grumbled loudly and flopped back down in his seat. Clearing his throat he leaned on the arm of the chair giving a kind but mischievous grin. "You know our names, kitten. What's yours?"

That's right, all they know me by is Lady Whiskers... I still hate him for that.

"Valerie."

Merrill cooed. "Such a pretty name. Valerie!" She sat down on the bed grabbing me in a bone crushing hug. She babbled on for a good minute in her weird little language, giggling every few words. She was stuck to me like glue for the longest time, I guess she was just happy to have another gal pal to hang around with besides Isabela and Aveline.

They tried figuring out where I should stay, but no one could come up with anything. Apparently Anders didn't want me staying at the clinic. It would be to unsafe if someone came looking for him, or if I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time there. It wasn't that he didn't like me at least, as far as he was concerned I was still his friend I suppose.

Merrill was out of the question for much of the same reason.

Garrett didn't want me around his uncle, and I agreed wholeheartedly with that. The man was a complete ass.

All it left was staying with Isabela and Varric or Fenris. I never liked the Hanged Man much, it smelled and not to mention the patrons. At least though with Isabela there, they'd be to busy ogling her assets set on display for the world to view.

High Town would be the safest place to stay, and Fenris has a gigantic mansion all to himself. Garrett wouldn't have that either, he liked, well when I say 'like' I mean he tolerated, Fenris but he wouldn't have me staying with him either. So we're at a bit of a crossroads with this situation at the moment.

If I had a choice I'd rather stay with Anders, I knew him the best, but then again now that I'm back to the way I should be. It might be a little awkward.


	6. First Impressions

**God I hope I get everyones character right, let me know if someone seems to out of order. I'll try to fix it, or make sure it doesn't happen again! And sorry for such a late post again... I'm such a bad person haha**

CHAPTER 6: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

After a few days I eventually decided to just stay in the Hanged Man with Isabela and Varric. She had at least promised to warn me if she had any plans of 'unexpected' late night 'visitors'. Somehow I think she might conveniently forget to warn me, she was a strange lady with strange fetishes. She didn't make me feel unwelcome at least. And I didn't feel strange being around her, but if I hadn't met her before I probably would be a little more than freaked out by her.

The thing is though, she guarded over Merrill and I like a stubborn mother hen. If some man even looked at us for longer than a second she would be up and in that guys face. She never ceased to amaze me with her so called logic. She was quick to teach me where to stay away from, and reteaching Merrill to avoid the places like the plague. Isabela knew she didn't have to worry about the elven girl, she could fight well enough for herself without anyone there to protect her.

She wouldn't let either of us out of her sight when we wandered aimlessly through Kirkwall. I still remember paths that Anders had taken with me on walks. It was like seeing the place through a whole new set of eyes though. Sounds were different and smells weren't as bad. It was great to not be on ground level anymore. Although at a whooping 4' 9'' it's not much better.

The fact that I'm so much smaller than even Merrill causes the pirate to harp on me to be cautious even more so. I'm an easy target for my size, but being the size of a dwarf and thinner had it's advantages though I suppose. So long as I don't get myself caught in a position that I can't get out of.

But the thing is, I'm not so defenseless. I trained since I was eleven years old in Tae-Kwan-Do. I've been Yi dan, second degree black belt, for years now, but that doesn't mean that I'd exactly win bringing fists to a sword fight. If it came down to it though, I would much rather run than stay and fight. I'm not stupid enough to go looking for trouble. Even though as of late it seemed to just find me. I just needed to stick with Isabela for now though.

When she wasn't at the Hanged Man or with Merrill and me, she made Varric watch me like a hawk. I hate being such a burden on him, but he doesn't seem to really mind. He often asks me about where I used to live, but I don't know if I should really say everything. It'd just either blow his mind or he'd think I belong in an insane asylum. Sometimes I think the same thing to be honest.

He tells me it's because he wants new ideas for a story. And the idea of a person turned into an animal appealed to him. I've only gotten vague ideas of where his story is going. And needless to say I have no idea what's really going on in that warped dwarven mind of his.

"Come on, kitten. I need more info for my charming heroine. I promise to split all profit on this one with you fifty fifty. How does that sound?" He asks over the roar of the tavern.

"Varric, as kind as your offer is. I'm no hero; I'm not really even a fighter." He shrugs off my statement, only wanting to hear what he wants to. To be truthful though, it would be kind of fun helping him write a story about a hero that was, but wasn't, me at the same time. He wiggled those bushy eyebrows just waiting for me to spill the beans. He was to charming for his own good.

"You know you want to, don't deny it." Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I couldn't help but smile. I just know I'm going to regret telling him anything. So I told him a bit about where I came from, and the look on his face was concern.

"Where did you say you were from again?"

"Far away." I huff laying my arms on the table. "Varric... can I talk to you about something." I can't help it I need to get this off my chest before I think I've gone completely crazy.

"Fire away, kitten."

"It's... just, it's going to sound weird. Borderline insane."

He only laughed at me and leaned farther back into his chair. "Kitten, I highly doubt you can surprise me." Alright Varric you asked for it, 'challenge accepted' I guess would be the situation to use that in.

"Okay, before you call me crazy I've just spent the last three months as a cat. So here goes." I lean forward and he does the same. "I'm from Tennessee, which is in North America... on another planet..." With each bit of information he just continued to stare at me, and his brow rose higher up his forehead. "See, you think I'm nuts."

"Kitten, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but do you think you may have just hit your head a little to hard? Even I can't come up with something like that."

I think I know where I spent my entire life up until this point. I wasn't just imagining the last twenty-one years. "If... I could just get my stuff. I could prove it to you..."

"Where is it?"

"Back where I first woke up here... but it's probably gone by now." I don't even think I could find that little place again if I tried. My clothes and bag had to be taken by the first passer by that came across them.

"Think about it. It'll come to you." He reached over patting my arm giving a warm smile. "Ah we have a visitor." I turned in my seat to see Fenris stalk across the room glaring at anyone who even attempted to cross his path or get in his way. Such a grump, he makes the Grinch look benevolent. "Ready to lose again, elf?" Varric asked producing a deck of cards from out of nowhere.

"I do not plan on losing." Varric snickers under his breath and begins shuffling the cards up before dealing them out between the three of us.

I've watched them play a lot since I had been with Anders... hell he even tried to teach me to play as a cat, that didn't really work out to well needless to say. I don't get the concept of the game, I've never really been into card games since middle school. Even then it had only been games like Uno or solitaire.

Thank god they're not making me play for money. Not that I have any though... I have no poker face at all, grinning maniac or blank confusion is about all I can muster with that.

I think that Varric just dealt me in so I wouldn't be sitting there like a giant bump on the seat. Just when I think I get a good hand, it comes crashing back down when the two of them crush my horrid card skills.

"I'm out..." I mutter and lay my remaining cards on the table and let the two finish out this round. Fenris gives a little smirk, but it vanishes as soon as he notices I've seen it. To late caught it, where's the camera? He and Varric go into an all out card war from then on out, and I can only watch in amazement at them.

Even just a simple card game with them, the group entirely to think about it, is very cut throat. Not that they would hurt each other over a simple card game. Sometimes though I think that a few wouldn't mind gutting the other...eww... I won't name names, it's to obvious who.

In the end though, Fenris loses. He takes it with much more grace than even I would think him capable of. Well it's not that hard to think. He's very well behaved when magic isn't involved; then he just goes into berserk mode and hates everyone and everything.

Varric though can't help but rub it in his face that he had won. "You're lucky that wasn't a real game."

"Which is why I didn't try."

I snorted and throw my hands over my mouth and nose as they look at me.

"See even kitten knows a bull-shitter when she hears one." Fenris shakes his head.

"Just deal the cards again."

I passed on this one, letting the guys have their fun without having to take it easy on me. It was more fun to watch the two bicker at one another as they play. Fenris got along so well with Varric, I'm not going to go as far as saying he 'liked' the dwarf, but at least he tolerated him. I don't really think I've heard him say anything particularly bad about him. At least to my knowledge.

By the time they decided to call it quits Varric had six wins while Fenris only four.

"Getting better, elf. Maybe you will be out of debt by the end of the month?"

Fenris didn't reply to him and just stood. "Leaving already?"

"Yes, did you need something?"

I started to reply back, but Varric beat me to the punch. "She needs help finding her old things. I would help, but I need to clean Bianca. She's awful fussy when she's messy."

I thought I had already said I don't remember where they were, or if they were even still there... He pulled me down close to his mouth to whisper in my ear.

"Give him some company, he spends all his time alone in that big house. He needs a friend."

"Okay." He did have a point. "If you don't mind helping that is." Fenris only stared back waiting for me to tell him where to go. "I think it was somewhere around Darktown."

"Lead the way." And so I did. All across Darktown with the elf following close behind me. I couldn't find anything that looked familiar, it all looked the same actually. Nothing stood out in my mind except the stench. I know so long as I steer clear of Anders' clinic Fenris won't make any negative comments and remain silent. And I won't accidentally run into the other man and have a small war start.

They only seemed to behave when Garrett was in the immediate area. I would hate to see what happens if they meet and he's not around to stop them from killing each other. No chance in hell that I could stop them if they chose to fight.

"Do you know where you're even going?"

"Not really, no." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, obviously trying to keep himself calm.

"Keep searching then..." After about an hour or so I just gave up for now. It was pointless, I would never find my things. They were as good as gone. "What was it you lost?" He asked as we made our way up to the lift.

"Some clothes and my bag." I motioned the size of the bag with my hands. "About this big, made of leather... well when I say 'bag' I mean its more of a suitcase."

"Were it's contents important?"

"Yeah." I know I should be more involved in wanting to find it. Pictures of my family were in there, my grandmothers necklace was mixed in with my clothes, my wallet and ID, not that those would be any use here. I'd still like to have them back, it was my last reminder of where I came from, and that I'm not a complete imbecile.

But anyway I am close to where my friend is, if I could just get away without Fenris following me.

"Thanks for the help again, I just remembered I have something to do here." Backing away as he turned I waved. "See you later!" I smiled and turned off toward the clinic. After a few glances behind myself I took off into a run. At least Fenris hadn't decided to follow after me, so far as I could tell.

I should have stuck with him, like I had promised Varric, but I wanted to talk to Anders since I was here.

I haven't talked to him, since well, ever. I don't count 'meowing' as talking either.

It would be nice to get to see him again. I just hope he won't be to mad at me for coming down here. I was his friend after all, shouldn't I be allowed to see him whenever I wished? Yeah I thought so.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Anders wasn't really mad per-say, a little irritated that I put myself at risk by wandering around alone in Dark Town but that was about it.

"I didn't come alone really." I kicked my legs as I sat on the edge of the table Anders' was working at.

He sat the potion he was working on down, and stared at me incredulously. "Who may I ask accompanied you, and then left you alone?"

"Fenris." I know they didn't get along, but I didn't expect Anders to jump up from his chair, sending the wooden object nearly half way across the room. I swear his eyes flashed blue for a moment before he let out a heavy sigh and went to retrieve the chair.

"Stay away from him. I do not trust him, and you shouldn't either."

Hate really didn't describe what the two held in opinions for the other. I'm not really sure if there even is a strong enough word that could describe it. Most of the gang was at one anothers throat it seemed, but none more so than these two.

"He's not that bad, Anders." I shrugged. "You just have to get to know him. He's quite nice when he wants to be." Ahah... wrong thing to say.

"He claims I am the monster! You have not seen what he can do, and all without a single regret." Again that chair was sent flying this time hit the far wall and splintered against it.

"Woah, blondie. Are you trying to redecorate, because you're just making it worse." Varric opened the door again and stepped over the broken pieces of the chair. Anders' grunted beside me and tried to calm himself down. I really should watch what I say around him if it concerns that particular elf. "Lets go Kitten. You've got Rivaini all worked up." Varric gave a low chuckle motioning me to follow him. I couldn't move though, Anders' little out burst was kind of frightening.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "Please just promise me you will stay away from him."And he disappeared into his room, the door slamming behind him.

I followed behind Varric through Dark Town, and into Low Town. Just trying to figure out what happened. I knew exactly what, but at the same time it all seemed so foreign. This world wasn't any different from where I came from, well the obvious not withstanding, but prejudice and it's nasty friends were all the same.

Fenris hated Anders because he was a mage, and Anders hated Fenris for just living. Well probably not entirely just for living, but just because Fenris hated mages that meant that Anders had to hate him. Good God this is all to confusing. They despised each other, that was all anyone really needed to know.

Foot meet mouth.

I really need to watch what I say, and who I say it to. But coming from America that would be a tough lesson. Coming from where I could just say what ever I wanted with almost no consequences.

"What's on your mind, Kitten?"

"What isn't lately?" Varric just laughed loudly as he usually does. "Do you think Fenris is really as bad as Anders makes out?"

From the corner of my eyes I could see Varric just shrug. "I don't think so. Don't get me wrong though, he's still dangerous. But what Blondie can't see is he is just as dangerous."

Varric pulled me to a stop forcing me to look at him.

"They're more alike than they want to see. But hey, what do I know." Come on Varric we both know that you're the smartest one of the group. "Don't worry though, if I thought he had a few missing screws I wouldn't let you go anywhere alone with him."

"Right it's been duly noted." We both had a little laugh before he led me down the brightening streets of Low Town.

"Try to see things from his view. Try to be his friend."

I just had to quote Yoda here, it seemed fitting. "Do or do not, there is no try."

"That's my girl."


	7. I Never

CHAPTER 7: I NEVER

Looking at the scribbled notes on the paper and the area around I stared at the door. Hoping that it was the right one. All the houses here looked nearly the same. All big, shiny and new looking. I suppose this was what everyone in High Town strives for. Who had the newest biggest house with the most servants.

I'm not sure if I should trust the directions of a drunken Isabela or not. Even just written words on a beer stained wrinkled piece of paper sound unsure of where they're going. It's all I had to go by though so I guess that knocking on the door wouldn't hurt.

What's the worst that could happen seriously? Streets full of people and a few guards are paroling. The most that could actually happen is someone think I'm looking for a job if it is the wrong place.

After knocking on the door I wonder if anyone could even hear it. I miss door bells and hell cell phones. Technology in general I sorely wanted back. I stood outside of the door for a few minutes without anyone coming to the door, and knocked again trying to make it louder. I looked around for a window, but the only one that I could find was to dark to see through. It didn't look like anyone was home, or had been home in quite some time by the amount of dust clinging on the other side.

I pulled the door lightly surprised to find that it wasn't even locked or anything.

"Hello, anyone home?" I called peeking my head around the corner. The door creaked loudly as I opened it fully to stand inside the threshold. After closing the door I could barely see two feet in the dark room, and when I took a step forward glass crunched under my feet nearly slicing through my thin shoes. It was one of those creepy kind of quiets that make you think someone is watching you.

I nearly turned back, but a soft glow from across the room caught my attention. Someone was here, hopefully it was Fenris. But why would he be living like this.

"Fenris, are you home?" I called a little louder trying to step around where I could barely see broken objects and a random assortment of other things.

Shuffling along I ended up slamming my knee into a desk, and stubbing my big toe against the stairs.

"It's you, what do you want." I screamed and nearly fell back down the stairs. I didn't even see Fenris or hear him until he came right up on me. If it weren't for his quick actions I would have tumbled down breaking something or worst case dying.

"Woah, thanks that could have hurt." I laughed stupidly as I clung to his arm. He grunted and I'm sure rolled his eyes with the shaking his head. Prying my hand from his arm he turned around and went back into the lit room. I followed after him taking in the still destroyed room. He was defiantly a man, he didn't clean up shit. "Nice, who's your interior decorator."

"I know you didn't just come here to ogle. What do you want?" He sat down on an old looking chair, or it might have just looked old because of the various rips and tares. From the table at his feet he grabbed up a half filled bottle of wine drinking straight from the bottle. I scooted around the random debris to find a chair that wasn't covered in blood and random objects. It was one of those weird long chairs that you'd see someone like Cleopatra lounging on. You know with no back and only one tall armrest thing.

As soon as my weight was on it, a leg cracked and it tilted at a weird angle. I gasp clutching at the edge. Fenris just stared over the bottle lowering it from his lips and raising an off colored eyebrow. I swear his eyes followed after the snapped leg as it bounced across the room and rolled down the stairs.

"This place is just trying to kill me?" Fenris gave an unexpected snort and shook his head. Wow did I just make him laugh?

"Yes the furniture is very vicious. Keep an eye on it." Was that his attempt at a joke? It was bad, but I'm not exactly a comedian myself. Smart-ass maybe, well defiantly, but that's about it. I do admit it was kind of cute of him trying to make this little weird moment less of such. Or at least I think that was what he was trying to do. Maybe?

I huffed moving around slowly to get comfortable on the strangely angled chair before it could do anything else to try and murder me. "I just came to visit, you know, see how you're doing."

He took a long gulp of his wine before leaning on his legs and dangling the bottle between two fingers; uncaring of if it fell and shattered against the nasty floor. With one hand he swept it around like he's gesturing to the room and mansion in general. "Take a look around. I'm living a luxurious life. Pah..."

"I see that." Both of us gave a curl of the lip looking at the dishevelled room. "But if you're unhappy with it, why not find a house you can buy?"

He only gestured to his ears, right racism. Still getting used to this backwards ass place. "Besides I am still a fugitive." He leaned farther over and looked at his bare feet. "It is better to be alone here than in the Alienage."

"Don't you get lonely up here?"

"No." His answer was instantaneous. Like he knew what I was going to ask even before I did. But even the most antisocial person couldn't just want to go completely without anothers contact. I know he can't either, he'd go crazy. "Save your pity for someone else."

He sat up straight holding his head high, he didn't need my sympathy or even want it. Honestly I feel even sorrier for him than before. I'm sure he can stand just fine on his own two feet and not need anyone else to help him. He's probably guarded his emotions so long it's turned him into a bit of a recluse. For once, I can't make some snarky comment.

Varric was right, the guy needed a friend.

Over the last couple of days I visited Fenris' mansion. Most of the time he welcomed my presence. Others he just wanted to be left alone, and sulk by himself. I'd decided though that today, while he was out with Garrett and the rest of the group, I was going to clean up at least his room. Call it OCD if you will, it really bothered and got under my skin every time I walked into the place.

Even he couldn't be happy living in a pigsty like this.

I swear if he screwed it up again after I'd cleaned it I'd deck him one. Not the best idea mind you now that I think about it. Note to self, keep hands away in a non-threatening manor from the 'broody elf' as Varric so kindly put it.

I stood in the center of the room, half glaring at that evil conspiring monster chair. Even that Fenris hadn't fixed. I found the leg laying at the bottom of the stairs earlier. So even it continued to piss me off sitting at an off angle.

I'll get to it later...

First came the ever fun task of sweeping up glass. I'm shocked that Fenris hasn't ended up cutting his feet running around bare foot all the time. He just steps over it easily while I crunch through it loudly. I've already messed up a pair of shoes thanks to him. At least Varric was nice enough to get me a pair of leather ones.

This is all so much fun, but I can't control myself enough to stop. I won't be able to repair the furniture, but at least the place won't smell like death and gloom. Or look like a tornado had just centred itself right in his house alone. Hopefully when all is done, it'll even look a bit brighter with the windows opened up. At least they weren't to hard to open and the breeze was nice. I didn't feel at all like I just walked into a dark furnace.

With no radio the next best thing to do is sing to myself to pass the time. "_Chickity china the Chinese chicken... you have a drum stick and your brain stops tickin'._" There's something about that song that can put you in such a good mood. Maybe it's just me, but it's to funny not to make me laugh.

I've been told I can sing, but it's still embarrassing to have anyone listen. After all I wasn't going to college before for a music career. Believe it or not, I wanted to teach. I suppose I could still do that here, if I'm stuck without a way to return.

Ignoring that for now though, nothing I can do about it.

After a few more songs the place actually began looking alright. Granted there was a lot left of the place, but Fenris' room and most of the front entrance were cleared. Now he can run up and down from his room to the door without prancing around like a deer.

Now that is one mental image that doesn't belong.

I flopped down on the mental chair and huffed loudly. After my OCD induced cleaning spree I was drained. I'm sure I have enough time to take a nap and get out of here before Fenris comes back. I might hear about it later at the Hanged Man. I can just see it now, someone broke into the mansion to clean it up rather than steal anything.

Well, with anyone else that's more than likely what I'd hear, but not Fenris. I doubt he'll make even a single comment on it.

"What are you doing here?"

As a reply I screamed and nearly fell in a heap on the floor. I must have dosed off, I didn't hear Fenris even open the door. Either that or he's a ninja in his spare time.

"Cleaning?" Was I even really sure of what I'd been doing for the past few hours? No, not really apparently.

He walked across the room and leaned his sword against the wall. "I can see." He looked around the room slowly, I can't tell if he's thankful, disgusted or just plain doesn't care. "You didn't need to trouble yourself."

"It was something to do." I shrugged as he grabbed two glasses from the desk where I had sat the few that weren't broken on. He poured the wine from a bottle in the two cups, handing one to me as he crossed the room. He rose his cup up giving a nod of his head before draining the wine in one gulp.

"So that is what you do with your free time now." I stopped pondering the red liquid in the cup and instead studied him. "Sing." He clarified. Wait, he heard me!?

I laughed as I scratched my neck and felt it and my cheeks heat up.

"Do not be embarrassed, it was... beautiful." The fact that he sounded so unsure wasn't helping any. Then again it was Fenris, I'm sure he wasn't trying to sound hesitant. It's just him, in all his socially awkward ways.

"Thanks." He refilled his own glass turning his head away from me, I know he's trying to hide a smile. I can see it in the way his eye brows are drawing together that he's got that silly half smirk and trying to force it down. "Hey, Fenris. Grab a couple more bottles of that will you."

He turned back toward me. "Why?" I just drained the cup and sat it on the table waiting on him to go grab more wine. After a moment of him just staring at me in confusion he got up, and returned a few minutes later with two bottles full and the nearly empty one on the table.

By the time he had came back I was sitting on the floor in a newly cleaned out space. He too sat down with the bottles between the two of us.

"Ever played 'I never'?" He just looked at me quizzically. An obvious no. After explaining the rules he didn't look to sure if he wanted to continue. "I'll start. I've never broken a bone." Unsurprisingly Fenris did take a drink.

After taking a sip from the bottle he tapped it in thought. The metal gauntlet echoed lightly with each tap against the glass. "I've never been scared of the dark."

"Damn." He only laughed and I took the bottle from him. "Hey, I was seven and heard something that scared me for the rest of my life." He took the bottle from me taking a quick swig himself, ugh hypocrite.

"And what was that?" The laughter in his voice wasn't hard to miss.

"My parent's getting it on." I shuttered, he most likely didn't get what I had meant at first. But after he only shook his head realised what I had insinuated. "What about you?" He never said anything, and I don't think he would elaborate on it. After all by the rules he didn't have to.

"I've never learned a foreign language."

Fenris grabbed the bottle and finished it off , throwing it across the room where the glass crashed and shattered against the wall. Before I could start yelling at him he continued on with our game.

The game continued on until we nearly finished off the third bottle. And by that point I had long felt the effects.

"I've," I let out a loud hiccup. " never had sex." Neither of us took a sip and I waited on him to take the bottle from the floor. It didn't move like it should have, it just sat there mocking me, or something... "Really? I'd thinsh women would be all over you."

"I don't remember if I ever have."

I giggled stupidly and swayed a little shifting my weight. "We should fix thash sumtimesh." He's a good looking man. There's no way I can deny that. "Hey Fenris!" I crawled over knocking the bottle over in the process. Fenris' eyebrow shot up as I sat on my knees in front of him. "You know what I wansh to do?"

"I shouldn't ask should I?" Pouting up at him he just shook his head. His smile tugged lightly at the corners of his lips before he forced it back down. Matching his own stoic frown I leaned forward until our noses were practically touching. I'm not going to lose this staring contest, no way.

"You have pretty eyes." Hah I win! He leaned back blinking a few times before he cleared his throat. Covering my mouth with one hand I laughed hard enough for my shoulders to shake violently and I nearly started crying.

"You have had enough." He stood pulling me up with him. His hands barely touched my shoulders, he wanted to avoid as much contact as possible I guess.

"But mooooommmm..." I laughed but then it died right in my throat. Mom, Dad, Ted... I haven't truly thought about them in so long. I keep forgetting that this place isn't my world. And that my family could be out there, and in trouble.

But what if they're not? What if they're stuck back on Earth and something horrible is going on. While I'm here flirting away with some guy I've only known for a few months. I don't want to think that they're hurt, or need someone to come save them.

I don't know if it was my drunkenness that made me think harder on it now, but it was there now.

I had been lucky that Anders had found me. He saved me, but who would be there to save them?

"I... I need to go..." I stumbled around him trying to find the door, and fumbled with the handle. It groaned loudly in protest as I flung it open and ran down the stairs. They too giving echoing creaks as I drunkenly took them two at a time. I thought I was going to miss a step and slide down and fall on my ass in the process. But it really didn't matter.

I just had to get away for now.


	8. Dangerous Expedition

CHAPTER 8: DANGEROUS EXPEDITION

"Kitten, you don't look so well." Varric's hand came to sit on my shoulder while I let my head rest on the wooden table and my arms hang limply between my legs.

"Have a rough night?" Isabela's voice held a musical like note of laughter. I just groaned out loudly wishing that the hangover would just go away already. I lifted my head up just enough to prop my chin up and glare at the pirate woman across from me. She leaned forward giving me a wonderful eye stabbing view of her cleavage.

"Go away..." I groaned irritably, but she just laughed raising the pitch in her voice to an ear stabbing, head pounding level. The urge to grab that damned stud in her lip and pin both of them together looked so tempting. Far to tempting to pass up. But then again she's on the other side of the table, and it would require me to get up off my ass.

What I wouldn't give for telekinesis, just for a few seconds.

"So tell me, what did you do to get so drunk with our broody elf friend." She propped both elbows on the table resting her head in her hands waiting on me to spill some non-existent juicy details.

I mumbled something even I have no idea what it was, and slammed my head back onto the table. I shouldn't have drunk so much at once. It'd been months since I'd had any kind of alcohol, that was just plain stupid of me.

"Let her be Rivaini." Varric only paused for a split second. "So did anything happen while the two of you were roaring drunk?" Seriously, Varric... seriously. And here I thought you were the voice of reason.

Varric, meet the international peace sign.

"Haha, well that is what we're asking pet. Did you fuck him?"

My arm thumped down onto the table and I brought my head slowly up to glare at the other woman. "Is that the only thing you can think about Isabela?"

She tapped a finger against her chin, looking as though she were in deep thought. "Well there was this..." She gave a shutter giving a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame." no wait it was sex."

"Why did I even bother..."

"You love me dear. Don't deny it."

"How did I not see it before, you're right. I'm so very madly in love with you Isabela."

From his seat Varric snapped his fingers. "_And the two lovely warrior women gazed haughtily at the other. Both unsure of the others affection. Our young heroine anxiously bit at her lip before throw-"_

"Varric!"

"Oh hush it was just starting to get good." Isabela threw a rolled up napkin at me, her grin widening. "Continue that one, getting me all ho-"

"Oh for the love of..." I jammed my fingers in my ears. "La la la, not listening, lalalalala!"

"Have I missed something?" Anders! Oh thank God, someone with an ounce of sense.

Save me please! "Anders! How are you, it's been to long. How's the clinic?" I grabbed the sleeve of his robe yanking him down into the seat next to me. His eyes went wide at my abruptness, and he looked nervously to the others at the table.

"Um... I'm fine. Things at the clinic aren't any different." He shifted around uncomfortably gently prying my fingers from his robe. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh just learning our little girl here is a vir-"

"Shut up! Don't listen to anything she says Anders." My hands covered his ears as I practically jumped out of the seat and grabbed his head. Isabela once again let out that monstrous laugh, and I swear I could hear her saying 'this is to much fun'. Between my head already pounding and her making it even worse my morning was already shot.

At least Varric by this point had settled for covering his mouth and snickering under his breath with Isabela's each attempt, success, at flustering me. Anders might have a concussion by the end of the morning if this keeps up. And I think that might be Isabela's plot all along. Drive me insane and take Anders down with me. Bitch.

As soon as Merrill, Garrett and Carver came in the pirate queen finally began slowing down her teasing. By the time Fenris came in behind them a few minutes later, she just sat there with the most evil grin ever. Plotting my untimely demise. I could already tell it was going to be one of 'those' days.

"Oh you look terrible this morning. Did you not sleep well? I can't imagine trying to sleep here, with all the drinking going on. Not to mention the smell. I hope the beds are at least comfortable..."

"Just a hang over Merrill, that's all." I grit out looking at Isabela. Isabela had the nerve to look innocent and shrug her hands. Those are two words in the same sentence that should never be said in one breath, Isabela and innocent...

Varric's voice rose above everyone else in the building as he called out for drinks. Thank God it's so early, they don't start drinking at ungodly hours in the morning. I don't even want to look at any form of alcohol for the next week at least.

"Alright, so lets get down to business." Varric leaned forward putting a bunch of papers down on the table. Everyone leaned forward to see what was on the parchment, well except Fenris he just stared at the bar. Don't tell me he wants to start drinking already?

"So we've gotten all the coin for the Expedition. All that's left is to get it to my idiot brother, and get inside. If you have any kind of business here, you might want to consider getting it done now. Garrett and I are going to meet with Bartrand after we leave here."

"Oh how exciting, an adventure!" Merrill cooed shaking my arm. She grinned childishly at me and I smiled shaking my head at her. "Please tell me you're coming. I would feel absolutely silly otherwise. No one else likes to talk very much."

In all honesty I hadn't given it much thought. I'd heard them talking about it over the past few months, but that was when I stood at ankle level with everyone. "If they'll let me. I guess." Merrill bounced around in the seat like an overgrown kid clapping her hands together giggling all the while.

"Hate to break it to you ladies, this isn't going to be like prancing through a meadow. The Deep Roads are filled with Darkspawn..." Anders said giving a sigh. He obviously didn't want to go, but was going to suck it up anyway. "I need to take care of a few things at the clinic. I'll meet up with you later." He leaned down. They waved him off without really looking up or paying attention to the healer. "Promise me, that you will not go." He squeezed my shoulder lightly before he turned and walked through the crowd.

No one else other than Merrill and myself seemed to even hear the exchange. I do want to go with them, I feel bad about ignoring Anders' request though. Maybe I can find out why I'm here if I go. There has to be some connection between our two worlds. I've just not really seen it yet. And I'll never see it if I don't get out of this city.

Garrett and Varric left the table once the meeting was over between the group. Carver followed after the two, muttering under his breath the entire time. I didn't quite catch what he had gone on about, but it wasn't anything useful to go on at any rate. Not with the way he usually rants.

"Lets go kitten, got to get ready for our little trip." Isabela sauntered over to the elf girl beside me, who jumped from the seat excitedly and practically skipped after the scantly clad pirate. "Oh, and pet. Stick those things out a bit more!"

She said and a pair of hands suddenly cupped my chest from behind. She was gone before I could knock her silly. I turned around holding one arm over my chest, that was totally uncalled for! What was that crazy lady thinking!?

I shouted after her but she was already long gone.

"What is wrong with her!" I muttered feeling my ears begin to burn.

Fenris gave an almost silent chuckle. He was still here! Didn't he leave with the others?! "You might not wish to know the answer to that question." He smiled lightly as he shook his head.

He was most likely right about that one... "God I feel so dirty now... You can't catch stuff just by touching someone, can you?"

"One would hope not. You might want to bathe just to be sure." He posed a good point. I might need to burn this shirt just to be safe. Bleh, I'll have to figure a way out to get her back later. A way that wouldn't involve any kind of physical contact from my end.

I snorted. "Bathe in what, acid?" As much as I like Isabela, she can be such a pain in the ass.

And by the time we all met up outside again a few hours later, she was there putting her hands where they shouldn't have any right to go, I desperately wanted to flip her over my shoulder. When she put her arms around my shoulders and bit down lightly on my ear giggling, that's where I drew the line. Over the shoulder you go, you creepy perverted lady.

If everyone wasn't quiet before; they were when Isabela, of all people, squawked loudly and hit the ground.

Only one person spoke up as soon after. "Oh that looks like it hurt..." Ah Merrill, this is why you're my favourite out of the bunch.

As soon as the little gawk session started it was over. Isabela stood up quietly brushing herself off, all the while giving me the stink eye. I mimicked her earlier, shrugging innocently.

"Garrett, please don't let your brother go!" Both of us turned around to see Leandra placing her hands on her eldest son's shoulders. Begging him to make Carver stay here in Kirkwall.

"Mother, calm down." He whispered to her taking her hands in his giving her a smile. He seems like such an asshole with no self control, but when it comes down to it and matters he is very different. He doesn't speak with his mother the way he does with random people on the street, or even his friends.

He's a lot gentler with women in general. But get on his bad side, cough Isabela cough, and you face the scariest man ever to cross your path.

"Carver, you heard mother. Stay here, with her." Carver wasn't at all happy about that little bit of information.

"What! There's no way I'm staying here while you go!" Carver waved his hands around, doing a perfect imitation of an immature brat. "Even she's going!" He pointed straight at me practically growling like Feng when he sees a thief.

"Yes, she's going as a cook. And she is not my sister, she can do as she pleases." It didn't settle well with Carver, if anything it made him even angrier. When he opened his mouth to yell at Garrett he was shut up almost immediately. "This is why you're staying! You can't take orders from anyone!" Garrett barked continuing before Carver could even hope to get a word in edge wise. "You're staying with mother, and that's it!"

"Fine, have it your way then brother..." Leandra sighed heavily, her worries about her youngest son leaving her all alone vanished. She still looked worried. Garrett was still leaving after all. She didn't want anything to happen to her two children, not after what happened to her daughter. No one would want to ever have to go through what the poor lady had. First her husband and then her little girl.

She didn't have an easy life at all.

Carver stalked off heading back toward Low Town. Most likely plotting how he could piss his brother off the most.

"Take care of him mother."

"Come back safe Garrett." He held her hands one last time touching her fingers to his forehead, and that's when I finally decided to look away. That was a family matter, and not one I should be watching so closely. Isabela though obviously didn't care and continued to look in the other direction. Along with several others that still hadn't decided to mind their own business.

After what seemed like ages Bartrand decided it was time to get a move on.

"Why must you ignore me?" Anders pulled me to the side, stopping me from following after the group.

"I'm not?"

He shook his head rubbing at his eyes forcefully. "Dear Maker... I asked you not to come. It's not safe."

"Far as I've seen, nothing here is." I started walking again, Anders grabbed at my arm holding tightly to it as we walked. "It's not like I'm going to be fighting. And besides, you need actual food and not just whatever's easily on hand."

"You don't understand, this is far more dangerous than bandits and thugs. You won't be so lucky down there."

It was nice of him to worry. "I'll be fine, besides I've got a big tough mage to protect me." I pat his hand that still clutched my arm like a vice.


	9. The Long Way Down

CHAPTER 9: THE LONG WAY DOWN

The Deep Roads, more like giant ass hole in the ground. After walking down for hours and hours, nothing changed. Just big dark and damp. I think a few hours ago I sweated out just about half of my body weight in sweat. And now I'm about to freeze my ass off. Isabela was just as miserable as I was, what with the way she looked at the walls like they were going to slam down on her.

Anders had taken up the front, unwillingly, as the resident Darkspawn radar. Apparently he could sense them, but they could also sense him as well. Or at least that's what I gathered from broken conversations.

Merrill had taken to running around looking at all the various shiny gems stones sticking out of the rock. I've never heard so much ooing and awing from one person. For someone supposed to be 'dangerous' she sure didn't seem it. Anders' has such a bad habit of coloring people before he gets to know them. She was a mage too, and yet he hated her for what magic she chose to use.

I'll never understand any of it. If I do, it'll be to soon.

Varric and his brother argued for the longest time before they were finally told to shut up by Garrett. Who as of now, is busy chasing down Merrill and trying to get her to stay with the group. He turns his head for a second and she's already seen something else to catch her eye, and running off after it.

I really don't see why Anders' was so afraid in the first place. About the most dangerous thing I've seen now is the threat to Merrill and Fenris' feet. Elves are so weird.

I'm sure there are some kind of bats down here, what kind hell if I know. If they look anything like Feng I'll be sure to run in circles screaming.

I miss that big loveable pooch. To bad he had to stay behind, to keep Carver in order. Or Gamlen, I'm not really sure on that one. Poor dog has his work cut out for him either way. Espacially with the way those two go, I am so glad I'm not the one that gets the pleasure of that job. Woah boy that would suck major balls.

Varric had at one point started narrating on some random structures that we passed. This entire thing was built by dwarves long ago. After the first 'day' of travelling, he ran out of stuff to talk about.

Once we finally were able to stop camp was set up immediately. We'd rest for awhile before taking off again, and have another twelve hour long hike downward. Already by the second day, I began to regret even asking to tag along. I even considered that staying with Garrett's uncle a better decision, but only for a sliver of a moment. At least Merrill was here, she was actually the only one willing to help cook. Although she didn't know much, she wanted to learn more, and what better way to learn than on a mind numbing exploration.

At least the choice in food was fair. It wasn't five star restaurant quality, but it was better than eating dried meat the entire trip. And boy could these people eat. I've never seen so much food disapear from a plate in the blink of an eye. I can almost swear that Isabella just tilted up her plate and ate that too. It wasn't long after that she hit the bottle. She probably ate that too.

By the time I'd finished eating, I started reading the story Varric had already began writing. Its at least a hundred pages long, and from what he said, it's still no where near finished. Flipping around through the pages I saw that the prologue was at least a good quarter of the thing.

I'm a little worried what he might be scheming. At the same time though, I want to read more. Somehow he had me hooked, I have to hand it to him. One part though has me a little confused. Something mentioning that my character has yet to meet 'the one that will change my life forever'.

"What is that?" I looked up to see Fenris squat down to get a better look at the unfinished book.

I flipped back to the front and gave him a better view of the words on the page. "Varric's been writing this." I rolled my eyes, but I can't hide my smile. No one's ever done something for me like this. "Wanna read it? I'm pretty much done now." He started to take it from me, but pushed it back. He looked uneasy shifting around on the balls of his feet. "Hey, I know Varric's a bit... eccentric, but he's a good writer. I promise you'll want to read the rest when he's done." The man really did have a way with words. He liked to hear himself talk enough so I guess that talent would come in handy.

Shit I hope I didn't just say that outloud. I cleared my throat awkwardly and remembered that Fenris was still there. He didn't seem to notice my inner tangent though thankfully. He was to busy glaring down at some weird looking beetle thing like it owed him a debt.

He broke his stare to give a huff. "It's... not that. I just."

"What is it?" Suddenly things didn't seem as easy around him. Almost like he was walking on egg shells. I don't think I've ever seen someone so tense. "Hey come on, can't be that bad." I joked swatting a hand toward his armored knee giving a light laugh. It though wasn't returned by anything more than a blank and controlled gaze. Again all I could do was clear my throat and bite the inside of my cheek, feeling like a complete asshole.

"As a slave, I was... I don't know how to read." To be honest his statement wasn't unexpected, but to actually hear something like that, out of a grown mans mouth that he can't read. "Why must you look so surprised."

"Sorry, I've just never met anyone who couldn't. Then again, I don't get out much." I sat the book down picking at the pages. "I could teach you. If you wanted." At first he didn't look like he even heard me, when his eyes softened up and a look of confusion spread over his face I knew he had heard me loud and clear.

"You would do that for me?"

"Now who seems so surprised." He gave a little chuckle and slowly sat down fidgeting with a buckle on his gauntlet.

"I apologize, I must seem ungrateful for your offer." Well, it's something to do down here. Why not, besides I like talking to Fenris.

"Wait right here, I'll be back in a second." I picked up Varric's book and took off to find the dwarf. The camp had spread out a good distance, but just enough to give everyone space. So it wasn't hard to find him.

"Woah, where's the fire Kitten?" Varric chuckled taking the book back. When I explained to him what I wanted, he just shrugged and didn't ask questions. I took the blank paper, quill and ink back to my little partial tent. He must think I'd gone completely bat shit crazy down here.

I ducked under, pulling the flap down closing the makeshift door behind me. Lit a match and had a lantern going. It didn't give off much light, but it was better than nothing. Fenris didn't look to sure that he wanted to start learning from me after that.

"Take those off if you can. It'll make writing easier I'm sure." He looked extremely uncomfortable after I'd suggest that. It wasn't like I was telling him to strip down nude... oh god but with this blush I may as well have. "Its just a suggestion..." I looked down at the paper trying to distract myself with that. It wasn't working to well because we're sitting right beside each other. A few seconds later and I could hear the clipping of the buckles and him sitting the gauntlets down beside him in the small space.

"I thought we were reading not writing?"

"It's better to know both. Besides learning how letters are formed will make it easier for you to read them." I started writing out a few letters, but noticed something strange I hadn't noticed earlier.

I wasn't writing or even reading in English.

"What is wrong?" I couldn't make it look like I didn't know what was going on. I could read this, but it looked weird.

"This is A, B, C, and D." I pointed to each letter, keeping a side glance on him watching his eyes flick to each. I let it sink in for a few minutes before covering up the already written letters with a blank sheet of paper. "Remember C? Write it for me."

For someone who can't waste a moment's hesitation in their normal life. He sure did now.

"It's just me, Fenris. Here." As soon as I touched his hand he snatched it back and began glowing eerily. Wait, isn't that what he does when he's going … oh shit. I guess he must have noticed when I dropped the quill that he had scared the ever living shit out of me with that and he stopped glowing. I gulped trying not to slide as far away as I could. "It still hurts... doesn't it?"

"I'm sorry." Was all he said and grabbed his gauntlets before leaving in a hurry. Boy do I feel like a complete asshole and idiot all rolled into one. Good going Val, smooth.

"Ohhh what's going on in here." Isabela's head suddenly appeared in my tent. Here we go again. God I hope she doesn't make things even worse right now, I already feel awful.

"Nothing." She didn't buy it at all, having gotten something in her head already planned out. "Isabela, nothing's going on between us. Okay..." Wow why did it feel like I just punched myself in the gut with that.

"Well if you don't want him..." She purred, I mean literally purred like I did when I was a cat, and looked out from the tent. I took off my boot and threw it at her. She blocked it easily and the last I could see of her was her sauntering away off somewhere before the flap closed again. At least that was enough to make me forget that I ever felt so bad. At least for just a moment.

I didn't sleep much that 'night'. I was kept awake by unnecessarily vivid dreams, ones I sorely blame on being around Isabela to long. But by the time we stopped again, I couldn't remember them at all, but when Fenris was around I felt all kinds of flustered. And being in a giant hole in the middle of nowhere meant he was always right there.

I half figured he wouldn't want to bother with reading anymore, but when I looked up he was patiently waiting at my 'door'. I'm not sure when he got there, he could have been there for ages and I'm just now noticing him.

"Sorry didn't see you there. You can speak up you know." I sat up and scooted over patting the space in front of me.

"I did not wish to interrupt." What me staring at the top of my tent blankly? Nice way to look like a complete space case.

"So, what do you thinks down here anyway?"

"As far as I can see. Nothing." The silence that passed between the two of us felt awkward, at least to me it did. Fenris didn't look like he really knew what to do or say.

"Do you want to try reading and writing again." He nodded his head slowly and looked around the little space.

"'scuse me." I muttered leaning over him closing the flap again. I made damn sure I didn't touch him this time. "Do you remember the letters from yesterday?"

Again he just nodded his head as I pulled out the stack of papers. I pointed to the four in a random order asking for him to name them. He remembered every single one correctly.

I looked at the paper again, and smiled. "Wow, nice." He learned the letters easily enough, but putting them together in words was an entirely different task. The next thing I taught him, was his own name.

After another few sessions, he could read a few words, and write them.

"How about this..." I tapped the quill on my chin before taking the pad of papers and writing down a random sentence.

"You... have pretty..." He paused and gave a chuckle. "Again with my eyes?" I stuck my tongue out at him childishly trying to avoid blushing. I didn't respond to him and took the pad back.

"You're a quick learner. I don't think you're going to need my help soon enough."

"I've only learned quickly because I have an excellent instructor."

"Thanks. Glad I could help." I reached over to give him a pat on the shoulder, or a hug. Something to show some kind of normal affection, but then remembered.

He doesn't like to be touched.

I cleared my throat and shuffled the papers around. I felt a hand touch my back and come to rest on my shoulder, but before I could turn to look at Fenris I felt his lips press against the side of my forehead. His hand traveled away from my shoulder to rest on my cheek

"You are unlike any human I have ever met." And with that said, he stood and left. It would be easy enough to go after him, but I didn't. I'm not sure what he meant by that, or why he suddenly felt the need to be so spontaneous with his actions.


	10. Destination Reached

CHAPTER 10: DESTINATION REACHED

We hit a bit of a road block today, the main road or whatever had collapsed. Of which left the group no choice but to split up. Garrett took a few of the gang with him to find a way around the pile of rubble, but that had been nearly an hour ago. The only ones that stayed behind for 'guard duty' were Merrill and Fenris. I don't know where the excitable mage is, but Fenris is stuck with me again. He didn't seem to mind to much; he had something to do besides glaring at the large boulders. And being pissed that Garrett had left him behind this time.

I'm sure with the last week of traveling the very hostile arguing between Fenris and Anders had gotten to him. Can't say I really blame him. There was only so many ways he could separate the two for a little while at a time.

_'Alright Fenris go stand on the other side of the bolder! No Anders you stay over there!' _I imagine that's what he would say. Actually that would be pretty funny to see, but it actually happening was another story. Oh would that be a nightmare to deal with. Someone might not make it out alive, namely all of us. I think the cave would end up collapsing under all this ego here.

Fenris and I sat at a makeshift table for awhile working on his reading, but it wasn't long before my attention drifted off again while he wrote out words that I randomly said.

"How can you even lift that thing?" He was quiet and I nudged him with my foot, and took a glance down as he stopped writing. I tried my hardest not to laugh that even he could get so into his work, well that didn't involve mages or slavers.

I lifted my head from laying on my arms on the ruddy table, and pointed over at his sword. That thing was nearly longer than he was tall. He reached around and took hold of the hilt and as he stood lifted it easily off from leaning on the wall.

It was warn, from obvious use, several chunks were missing out of the blade. That didn't seem to make any difference, even if the thing were dulled down and couldn't even cut paper it'd hurt like hell to get hit by that thing.

"This sword has served me well for many years. Without it, I would still be a slave."

I stood and peered at the weapon, thanking God that it wasn't going to be used against me. "Can I see it?"

He cracked a grin, but it vanished almost instantly. "I sincerely doubt you could lift it." I snorted, yeah what the hell was I thinking.

He lowered it to point at the ground, the sword made a light thunk as the end jammed a new set of cracks into the old stone. I reached over tracing the warn leather hilt, and poked at the jagged pommel. Even that thing looked like it would hurt to be hit with.

"Think if I learned sword fighting, Garrett would let me tag along? Think of all the trouble I could get us into."

Fenris moved his hand away slightly as I tried to lift up the heavy iron sword. He released it and I nearly dropped the cumbersome weapon; it trying to take me with it. "You wouldn't last." The tone in his voice wasn't humorous. He didn't have to be so obvious with it.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Gosh." I shrugged him off still trying to lift the sword. "Seriously though, how the hell can you swing this around without spinning around like a prissy ballerina."

He sighed and went to stand behind me, pushing my hands to where he wanted them on the hilt of the sword. "Widen your stance." Came his voice _right _in my ear. I wish I took to his training as easily as he took to reading. These things weren't exactly in the same ball park though, mind you.

After only a few minutes Fenris suddenly released the sword. I became aware of two things in that instant, one I should stick to my teaching career and two the ground here hurts more than I thought. The yelp I gave was one that Varric would never let me live down as it echoed off the walls with his laugh following after it.

"Don't let me interrupt."

Varric must love being told to fuck off, because I seem to be doing it a lot toward him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Yeah, as soon as we got where we were going, Varric's brother decided to trap us all. All for a stupid shiny rock. He left the lives of everyone down here just for money. Why am I not surprised! The guys all tried to push and pull on the door to open it, but nothing worked. It wouldn't budge even when Garret, Merrill and Anders hit the thing as hard as they could with magic.

All that ended up doing was leaving a giant black scorch mark.

Isabela reacted the worst out of everyone. She ended up hyperventilating and falling to her knees clutching at her chest.

She had obviously been trying to hold it in for as long as she could, but when that door shut she lost it. It took Anders and Varric to both calm her down enough for her to stop trying to strip herself down to even less than she had on already. At Anders request the dwarf backed away to go with the others to find a way out, while Anders sat beside her using his healing magic to hopefully calm her down.

Eventually she stood up and waved Anders off. She didn't look like she was entirely back to her old self. Not once did she try to tease anyone for several hours. And that's when I saw my first Darkspawn.

"Get back Valerie!" Anders yelled pushing me back behind a broken pillar. "Darkspawn!" He called gaining the others attention instantly.

When the first came running down the stairs I didn't know what to think. When three more followed it scared me, and when another seven came around the corner I about wet myself.

One was scary enough, but ten more was down right underwear and pants staining. They looked like a bunch of rotting corpses, and didn't smell to far from it. Merrill stayed close by me, shooting any that got in her line of sight. Varric wasn't far from her shooting one bolt after the other at the abominations to life.

One had gotten around Varric and Merrill both, spotted me and decided I was it's kill. During training sparing defiantly got the blood pumping, but this made my blood run cold. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life. There was no room to be helpless though. As much as I didn't want to touch the thing, or be near it; it wasn't giving me that option.

I only had time to get into a side stance and brace myself as it's gruesome face and sword charged. I stopped it with as fast a kick to it's armored chest as I could, spun around slamming my foot into it's head with a Tornado kick.

His sword clattered to the ground as it stumbled backwards. It charged once more and got a rear horse kick straight to it's midsection, and clattered to the ground moaning. It gurgled and twitched violently trying to right itself. There was no way I was going to kill it unarmed.

"Better luck next time love." Isabela to the rescue. She jumped over the broken pillar driving her daggers into the creature as she fell. It screamed out loudly before it 'died'.

"More!" That had to be the single most terrifying thing to come out of Garrett's mouth today. "Behind us!" I stand corrected.

"Kitten get down!" Varric shouted over the trembling of the room, and the clanking of the armor and weapons of the Darkspawn. They weren't alone this time. It sounded like a stampede of rhinos was charging through where we had came from.

And I was thinking that the little corpse guys were as bad as it got. If that wasn't one hell of a wake up call.

"Let the big girls handle this one." Isabela turned slightly giving one of her award winning smiles before she charged into the growing army of things.

"Isabela!" Garrett screamed, the pirate skid to a stop, and slashed through the nearest Darkspawn backing away. The three mages all began casting spell after spell trying to clear her a path to get back out of the way.

Then _it _finally showed itself.

It had to be as least as big as a tank. Had the face almost like the Alien's from the movies, without the tongue thing. How the actual _fuck _did we miss that!? It roared, I screamed and then fainted.

By the time I woke up. Everything was dead, and Anders was carrying me. And boy did he look pissed about something. I could see everyone from over his shoulder, no one had been hurt seriously. They were quiet though, probably concentrating on how to get out of this cave.

"How do you feel?" I heard Anders whisper.

"Head hurts a little." I leaned my head against his feathered shoulders. "How long was I out?"

"A couple of hours." I groaned and propped my chin on his shoulder spotting Merrill behind us she looked drained, but content that we were all still alive. I wiggled my fingers to her and she laughed sadly. The other elf of our group didn't look as chipper as she did. Fenris looked as pissed, if not worse, than Anders had a few minutes ago.

Why do I feel like I'm the rope in a game of tug-of-war...

_Some days later..._

Day number... hell if I know. I stopped keeping track ages ago. We finally found a way out though! We're still stuck under ground, but at least instead of going down a long, narrow hole, we're going up! A... long narrow hole...ugh...

Oh and did I mention what we found! It was enough gold, gems and jewellery to make the queen of freaking England jealous! That was what we were looking for, and Bartrand take that damned idol or what ever and shove it up your ass for the piece of shit it was!

We're rich, jackpot!

Getting to this point wasn't easy though, if getting attacked by Darkspawn wasn't enough demonic rock things showed up out of nowhere. Just the icing on the cake there. Another thing I learned on this trip, Garrett is a freaking beast! I feel sorry for anyone who's on his bad side, holy shit. He just pummeled that rock back into a pile of lifeless rubble practically on his own.

Where do I sign up for his fan club, holy shit. Wow!

We loaded up as much as we could carry back to the surface in bags, pockets, chest, and I'm not talking about a box, in Isabela's case, and set out to show it all off. Fenris was the only one that didn't go hog wild with grabbing random shiny object one after another. He just stood off to the side staring at the door until Garrett opened it with a large stone key. Then he went on his merry way out.

When everyone made it safely to the surface I swear everyone fell to their knees kissing the ground. No, just me... well this is awkward.

"Come on Kitten, you can kiss the ground at the Hanged Man." Ugh, that just sounds disgusting. I would rather kiss that giant assed dead Ogre that's been rotting away for nearly a week. When I said that Varric laughed agreeing with me. Isabela thought it was kinky, big surprise there. Merrill just blanched and said 'ew'.

Isabela laughed even harder and slapped her on the back several times. "Wait... did I miss something dirty again?" Which in turn made Isabela snort and walk away swaying her hips unnecessarily.

When we finally made it back to Kirkwall Merrill and I took off at a run to be the first ones to the gates. It was nice to be back in civilization. If these guys decide, 'hey lets go to this random creepy ass hole in the ground' I'm staying the hell away. As much as I love these guys, I'm keeping my ass somewhere safe. Who knows what their next weird ass adventure would be.

Eventually though once we got back the group began to break apart, finally glad to be able to do their own things, and get some rest. Not to mention finally be able to do our own things on our own. I had originally started to leave with Varric and Isabela, but Fenris stopped me before we got far.

"Come with me." Was all he said before turning around and walking off toward High Town. He didn't even give any kind of clue why he wanted me to come with him. He just said that and expected me to do as he asked. I just shrugged and ran after him. I have to admit that I was curious as to why he singled me out above anyone else, but I guess I'll just have to wait till we get back.

The inside of the mansion wasn't any different than I remembered from over two weeks ago. It had gathered up more dust than should be possible in just that amount of time, and so many cob webs it wasn't even funny. I must resist the urge to wander off and start scrubbing every surface here.

Wait if this is bad, I'd hate to see the rooms I never got to... shit.

"Wait here." Fenris pointed to his room, and walked away. I went to the table and pulled off my heavy satchel filled with the loot from before. It weighed way to much, but it's contents made it all worth it. I pulled out several necklaces and hair pins looking in a broken mirror on the wall. I tried to ignore my matted hair that made me look like I had one giant dreadlock. My skin was splotched with dirt and stuff I probably wouldn't want to know. Gross, with a capitol 'G'.

I need more than just a bath, this is ridiculous. Back to trying to ignore.

The tapping of feet broke me out of studying the jewellery around my neck and in my hair to see Fenris entering his room. In his hands he was carrying something that looked oddly familiar. A gigantic black bag, with a set of clothing on top, and dangling from his hand a small gold cross. Almost robotically I sat my new shiny nicknacks down.

"I found these before we left. I believe they belong to you." Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming. I pulled the shirt from the pile holding it close to myself. It was what I had warn the day I got home, and arrived here.

"Where … why?" I folded up the shirt haphazardly and placed it back on top of the rest of my things taking the heavy bag filled with books and a random assortment of my belongings. I sat them down before I looked at his still open hand. My grandmothers necklace. "You found my things." I don't know how, or why. But he had returned to me the only connection I had to home.

My hands trembled as I reached out to take the cross from him, it had to be fake. Why would he have gone out of his way to find these things. When my hand came into contact with the cool metal and it's tiny weight I knew then it was real.

"You have no idea how much this means to me." I choked back a sob rubbing my eyes trying not to cry in front of him. I held it tightly against my chest, through it I swear I can almost feel her presence even here. "You better get ready because I'm about to hug you." I laughed stupidly trying to continue hiding tears. He gave a loud 'oof' when I grabbed onto him and took a step backwards. I didn't care that his armor was grime ridden with who knows what. It was already on me too so a little more wouldn't matter.

He gave an awkward laugh and hesitantly pat me on the head.

I looked up at him grinning. "I'm so happy I could just kiss you." I had to tease him, I couldn't help it. The look on his face was well worth any embarrassment on my end. I didn't know anyone's eyes could get so wide. I'm not sure if he's thinking 'please don't' or actually considering it.

"Have you gotten into the wine again?" He finally found his voice again and pushed me away at arms length.

God what did he mean by 'again' he was the one that got it the first time. "No." I laughed at him and myself.

That night I learned about Fenris' not so happy past. I just could listen on as he told me he betrayed a group of warriors that tried to save him. All because his 'master' came back and said to kill them.

He regretted that deeply though. I'm sure it haunted him everyday since. There's no way it couldn't, not doing something like that. He has more of a conscience than that.

Even after hearing that, I still can't look at him any differently than before. Even if he doesn't say it or even show it, I know he's scared. He doesn't know what the next day might bring. Or if Danarius is just hiding around the next corner to capture him again.

Whether or not he chooses to go back and continue to listen to his orders; I don't know. But I'd like to think after all he's been through here that he wouldn't. Even if he doesn't like half of the gang for being mages, I know he wouldn't turn on them.

There is no way in hell I would let that mad man take Fenris. After what he put him through, and would continue to do. I wouldn't sit by and just let him walk out of the city.

"Thanks for telling me, Fenris." He smiled, he's been doing that a lot more lately. It was sad though. I pulled my feet up on the chair and hugged my knees to my chest. "Fenris."

"Yes?"

"Promise me, you won't give up. Don't let that bastard win. Don't give him the satisfaction that he can control you." I looked away from him fidgeting with the cloth leggings. "You're to good a man to be used like that."

We didn't speak about his past again. It just dropped from the face of the planet. He did promise me that he wouldn't let Danarius control him.

_Several months passed quietly after that. And for the first time since I got here; I didn't dread waking up in the morning seeing the same four walls of the hanged man. I had something to look forward to. Something that at least for the time being, let me forget that I didn't belong here. A reason not to cry myself to sleep at night._

_ A reason to smile, genuinely. _

Fenris still practiced reading and writing with me. He seemed to enjoy it and look forward to my visits. _And I look forward to my visits with him, even more than he'll possibly ever know. _He hadn't even thrown me out once since we got back from the Deeproads. I spent more time here than at the Hanged Man as of late. I practically moved right in with him.

If I ended up falling asleep while I visited I ended up waking in his bed. Finding him sound asleep in a chair by the fire. A wine bottle laying on its side by his feet, and several papers loosely held in his hands.

I never tried waking him up. I enjoyed just looking at him peacefully asleep. It was rare to see him so relaxed, without a care in the world. Hey, it's not like I'm trying to be a creeper or anything...


	11. Glimpses Of

CHAPTER 11: GLIMPSES OF...

"What about this." I said holding out a shirt in Fenris' direction. I tilted my head trying to picture the article of clothing on him. It looked good in my mind. He just stood there boredly not really paying attention to what was going on. He had better things to do with his time.

Like sitting alone in his mansion drinking his life away. Redecorating the walls and floors with broken glass from said wine bottles which I would have to clean up later. Staring at his feet without moving for several hours. Swing that giant sword of his around and destroy what little furniture was left.

Yeah, he had so much better to do.

He slowly walked away from the stall.

The vender rolled his eyes huffing loudly as he took the shirt back. I shrugged sheepishly at him, I guess we could come back later.

"Damned bleeding heart woman, teach that knife ear of yours to listen." That stopped Fenris dead in his tracks. I could see the fury rolling off of him in waves as he turned his head to the side. His lip raised up in a silent snarl as his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. He hadn't said _that _word that would set off Fenris, but it was unnecessarily applied.

"Oh shit..." I muttered watching Fenris turn back toward the stall owner. I looked quickly between the two and found them in a staring match. The stupid vendor didn't look at all phased by my obviously pissed off friend. "Fenris, don't." I stepped between the two, not smart not smart. What part of 'not smart' do I not get?

Fenris stopped just before he got to me, oh did he look miffed. His jaw was clenched tightly together as his upper lip twitched.

"Not now Fenris, please." I said as I threw a glance at the guard beginning to head in our direction. The clothing merchant decided to make another smart ass remark, and I can't be sure if I can keep Fenris from pushing me out of the way and killing the man.

I tried to put my hands on his shoulders and push him back, but I kept retracting my hands each time I got close. That might just make things worse.

"Girl you're about to be one knife ear poorer."

"Would you shut up! He isn't my slave or my servant, he's my friend." I'm really getting about ready myself to knock some sense into this guy. Just because he's an elf and following me around doesn't make him my slave and me his master or any combination their of. I couldn't ever command someone around like that, hell I can't even take my own orders half the time.

The man gave a snort and a wave of his hand.

Fenris made to reach for his sword, I had to finally grab his wrist and pull it away before he did something stupid. Like get us arrested. Maybe at least Aveline would let us go with a warning... so long as the vender was in one piece.

"Let's just go." I took a glace back at the guard, he himself was preparing to reach for his own weapon. Fenris growled and I released his wrist. The man wouldn't let us go though. He barked out something along the lines of 'you aren't getting off that easily'. I saw a hand grab onto Fenris' shoulder and try to pull him around.

Fenris began to glow brightly beside me, but it was my fist that reached out and knocked the man square in the jaw. The glow from my elven friend ceased.

"Don't you _ever_ touch him again!" I threw an arm out to keep Fenris back, but it was unnecessary. I heard him laugh lightly as the other man shook his head. Now I don't normally go picking on people and beating them up, but this guy's asking for it.

He takes another step toward us, he's getting it. And the guy walked forward ready to continue his little tantrum. The guard behind him stopped short of putting an end to our little tussle.

"Little whore!" What the hell did he just call me? Oh no I know he didn't just do that.

"What can't a girl wear a tank top without being a whore?" I shrugged. Sure it's not exactly the attire people here might be used to. But damn it, it's hotter than hell out today. I'll be damned if I'm going to be roasting in one of those dresses, or even some kind of armor. You can see skin sure, but nothing compared to a certain pirate.

Heck, Fenris liked the view. I even caught him staring a few times earlier.

The man thew a punch that looked like it was intended for my head, but was traveling toward my shoulder, I ducked to the side pushing his hand away with the back of my forearm.

Asshole, Lesson one: Don't pick a fight with a chick that can kick your ass.

Lesson two: Mess with that chicks friend, be ready to meet the ground. First class.

Fenris sat beside me on the bench shaking with silent laughter, but he tried not to look like that's what he was doing. He looked like he was shaking with rage with that frown, but it was hard to hide the humor in his eyes.

Aveline paced in front of us absolutely seething. "I swear, out of all things to happen. You couldn't have just walked away." She ranted. "Of all the stupid things Hawke's friends have done lately, you have to start it up again."

"Thank you." Fenris whispered barely loud enough to hear over Aveline's continued yelling, and clanking armor.

"Hey, no one messes with my guy." I nudged his shoulder when he went quiet. We leaned close whispering under our breaths about nothing just trying to ignore the guard captain. His eyes went down whether it was intentional or not they stayed there. "Hey if you ever want to stop drooling, look up a little higher."

He cleared his throat loudly looking away to see where Aveline had began pacing, and continuing her rant. I giggled quietly to myself. He's to much fun to tease. "Where did you learn to fight?"

"Back home." I looked to the ground picking at my nails. "There was a kid at my school that got beat up all the time, when it got out my dad wanted me to learn to protect myself. I've never really had to use it before..." Before coming to this world.

"Are the two of you quite finished? Do you not understand the gravity of the situation, how much trouble you're causing for me?"

Whoops, oh yeah forgot where we were. We looked to each other then to the guard captain.

"He started it..." I mumbled, but she wouldn't have it. I'm a woman, and should act and dress like one apparently.

"Fenris, you can leave..." Aveline rubbed a handed against her temple as we both stood to leave. "Not you, sit down and wait for Hawke." Damn-it.

I poked my lip out flopping onto the bench crossing my arms. Fenris gave a look over his shoulder that just screamed 'haha you're in trouble'. Well in his case probably not exactly that. I stuck my tongue out at him childishly as he closed the door. Traitor.

Aveline fell into her chair heavily shaking her head and began working on her paperwork. Several grueling minutes later Garrett came into the room, his head swept around looking for something. When his eyes landed on me they narrowed, and I swear his scowl vanished under that beard. Someone was past due for a shave...

Aveline stopped her work when he entered, and began explaining just how much trouble _I _had caused. Not that the merchant had done anything wrong, oh no he could _never _have done anything. Hello, I am still sitting right here...

Do they not have the concept of 'innocent until proven guilty'?

Garrett tapped a finger on his arm, I can just see a vein begin throbbing by his temple. Few more seconds and it might just bust at this rate.

"Blah blah blah, can I go now?" I stood up quickly from the bench.

Garrett turned giving me _that _kind of look. He was mad that all of this now fell on him. "Sit, and be quiet." He returned to being yelled at by the red head. I threw my head back moaning loudly earning another look from both of them.

I mumbled out. "Fine..."

I admit I should never have hit the guy as hard as I had. I think I may have broken his nose with that last punch. But god did he deserve it. Maybe it knocked him down a couple notches. If he ever insulted another woman or elf, it'd be to soon.

The walk back to the Amell Estate was silent. The vein in Garrett's head was still pounding away, and it wouldn't take much more to just cause him to lose it.

"Ah Ser Hawke, a message just came in for you. It looked pretty important." Bodahn pointed off toward the table in the back of the main room. Garrett pushed me toward a chair with strict instructions to stay put, and he then strode over quickly, picked up the letter and began reading.

From my seat I could see his eyes flick over the paper, and there went that vein. He slammed the letter to the table, picked up his staff and bellowed across the house for Feng. I could hear the big dogs claws scratching as he scrambled to get up from where ever he was upstairs. It sounded like a horse was running through the house as the war hound came charging through to his master.

Feng jumped down the entire stair case, and slid across the floor to a stop at Garrett's feet. He panted heavily looking up to the man waiting for an order.

"Stay here, I have enough to deal with today..." Garrett said through clenched teeth. His entire face was red with anger.

"I'll be on my best behavior, scouts honor." He rolled his eyes and turned around waving for Feng to follow him.

I slumped into the chair when I heard the door slam closed. Bodahn gave a little laugh trying not to seem like he had been paying attention. Sandal looked up from his own seat over his fathers shoulder staring at where Garrett had been.

He blinked like he didn't quite understand what was going on.

The father and son returned to what they were doing soon after, and left me to pout in my chair. Well I wasn't pouting per-say. I'm not a child I don't have to do what he says. But at the same time I know that I'm an adult and that I'd just cause problems for the poor guy.

I just sat there watching Sandal making runes. It was kind of interesting how it was done. I have no idea what he was doing, but he seemed to know exactly what was going on. His father helped him by placing the finished runes carefully in a box, wrapping them up tightly.

"I'm going to see Varric." I called walking slowly through the main room. Bodahn waved his hand not taking his eyes off of what he was doing, and told me to have fun.

I took off before he had a chance to realize what was going on. I'm sure Garrett will be gone long enough that he even won't notice. Maybe it'll be something that will make him go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The trip to the Hanged Man had become so integrated into my mind that I didn't even have to think about where I was going. Scary. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, or if it's just plain sad.

The door opened easily as always, and whoa the smell had sadly become familiar.

"So, then the Darkspawn gets around all of us, and heads straight for our only unarmed companion. So what does she do," I see Varric on the other end of the tavern talking, and slam his fist into his other hand. "she kicks the blasted thing. Haha it fell on it's back, didn't know what to do."

"What are you talking about?" I asked pushing my way through the crowd of people that had gathered around him.

Varric gave another laugh and shrugged his shoulders. "Just recounting your heroic defeat of a Darkspawn." Oh right those things. Pleh. I shuttered at just the mere thought.

"I can't believe I touched that thing." The group of men all gave weird noises and backed away. Varric only laughed as the crowd dispersed back all around the tavern, and began to do as they had came to.

"Nor can I, Kitten. So, what brings you here?"

We sat down at the table and began talking. "Just came to see my favorite dwarf of all time."

He placed his hand over his heart giving a goofy grin. "Keep quiet, else Bianca might think I'm running around on her." I covered my mouth and snorted loudly. "No seriously."

"Alright, Varric." He is such a silly guy. "So what's on the agenda today?"

Varric suddenly snapped his fingers and motioned for me to come closer. We leaned forward and he began to whisper. "So, I looked into your situation. I didn't find anything that really helped. It's unheard of."

"But I did hear about this noble. He claims to have some 'magical sight seeing object' or something of the sort."

"Like a crystal ball or something." Varric nodded his head slowly, but was unsure of what the object actually was. It could have been anything. He didn't know where the man had came to acquire the thing, but apparently it was around the same time I'd came here. "You think it could take me back home?"

Varric shifted around in his chair taking a deep breath. His eyes flicked behind me for a minute. "I wouldn't get your hopes up, Kitten. It might not even be real, and if it does exist it could only give us the location of something else entirely." I slouched in my seat and propped my head on my hands.

"If this noble has it, how do I get to it?" Varric's eyes returned to me as he tapped his fingers on the table.

"You have a few options, but out right breaking into his chateau is out. How do you feel about parties?" I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow at him. What in the world did he have in mind.


	12. Party Like

CHAPTER 12: PARTY LIKE...

Nobles apparently like their parties, any kind for just any random occasion. They ate a good meal earlier, **let's throw a party! **It didn't matter what the reason, the more parties you had. The more famous and rich you seemed.

Pompous assholes.

But to get in, you need to look the part. As well as have the status. "I'm sure Hawke wouldn't mind if you borrowed his name for a single night. Not if it meant you'd find out something important."

"I guess..." Oh if it was concerning Garrett in any way, he'd find some reason to be pissed about it.

"All you have to do is act the part." He scratched at his chin looking to the table. "I don't think you'd go for it though."

"At this point, I'll do anything." I leaned in closer waiting for him to spill the beans.

"Alright, let's see you act like a noble." He leaned back in his chair crossing his arms over his chest.

"Excuse me? Who are you to speak to me like that." I stood up throwing my nose to the air. "I don't know why I bother coming here." Varric and I snorted as I sat back down.

"I don't see any problems in that department." … Hey...

"I am American, being an obnoxious ass is kind of instilled at birth." He gave a wide shrug of his shoulders not arguing with me on that. "So, what else?"

"Well... having an … ahem... 'servent' or two might help." Oh great don't tell me he expects me to boss around one of my elven friends. "See, I don't like that idea either..."

"Yeah." So we got thrown right back to square one before we even took a step. At this rate I'd never have a clue how to get home. I may as well just give up even trying, but I wasn't raised like that. I can't but at the same time it's all just pointless to continue trying.

"Don't worry Kitten. We'll figure out something." He reached over patting me heavily on my shoulder. I knew he would; he seemed to know anything and everything about the world. If there was a way to get me back home, or at least figure out what was going on. It would be through him.

"Where is this chateau?" He explained it was on the coast a few miles away. At the top of a hill overlooking the ocean. From what he said it was massive. He'd never been there personally, but he knew people that knew people that had been there. The family living there were all supposed to be some of the biggest snots alive, or so he'd heard.

Their relatives built the chateau out far enough from the city to be alone, but still easily accessible to have parties every time someone turned around. Leave it to a noble to be a contradiction to himself.

After Varric gave me all the details he knew about the place, my head was swimming with ideas. None of which ended up being very smart. If I sneaked in I risk the chance of being caught and god only knows what kind of fate they'd give me.

I thought long and hard about it on my way back up to High Town. I needed to go see, I needed to find out if what the man had was genuine, or if he was just being a complete fraud. I had to take the chance though, it was to important to pass up on.

That was it, I'd decided; early tomorrow morning I was going to sneak away from Kirkwall, and go to this chateau. I knew I was risking a lot more than I should on the off chance the item was real. But if it would let me see my family again, it would be worth anything.

I went to bed early that night with hopes of waking long before anyone else in the Estate. They would all stop me, none of them knew the importance of what I had to do. Only Varric knew, and even he wouldn't let me go off and do something so stupidly reckless.

I packed a few things in a bag, and shoved them under my bed until morning. Hoping that I wouldn't be caught before I even got started.

By the time I awoke it was several hours later, and still pitch black outside. I couldn't hear much in the way of daily activity going on outside. With good reason, the smart people were still fast asleep safe in their beds. The first danger of my mission would be just getting out of High Town without getting myself attacked in the process.

It would be easier said than done.

So long as I kept calm and paid attention, I'd be fine. I have to keep telling myself that as I sneak out of the Estate. So far so good, Feng's the only one that's woken up.

I didn't see him at first when I came downstairs. When his massive bulk moved in the dark it scared me into nearly screaming. He opened his mouth letting his tongue lull out as he panted sleepily. He yawned loudly and snapped his mouth shut looking at me curiously. Wondering where I could be going so late.

"Sush." I put my finger to my lips making the dog blink and follow me with his eyes. He lay his head back on his massive paws staring up at me as I left through the front door. I locked it behind me, and let out a heavy breath leaning on it nearly sliding down in relief.

One disaster avoided. Now to just get out of the city.

I looked around pulling my jacket hood over my head, and walked quickly but calmly down the street. All the way out I got the feeling someone was watching and following me, but when I turned around no one was there. I even looked up and didn't see anything. But I still felt like someone was behind me.

I shrugged it off, it was just my nerves getting to me. Plus I'd never been out so late, or early, with no one else with me.

My heart pounded in my chest from the excitement of all this. Maybe, just maybe, I could finally go home. I didn't want to get my hopes up like Varric said, but I honestly don't care to be here any longer. I enjoyed my time here, to an extent, but it was time to put this behind me if I could.

I pulled my hood down once I made my way outside the city gates. The guards who stood by tried to make me go back home, but I didn't listen. I should have but I didn't. I'd already come this far, why stop now? It's dangerous, duh.

I'm not stupid, but I'm beginning to wonder about my sanity.

I looked around the area trying to stay on the road, but it was so dark I couldn't tell much. I could hear frogs and crickets; it was kind of peaceful out here. The crashing of the ocean against the rocks soothed my anxiety just a little. It certainly smelled a hundred times better out here than in most of the city.

There weren't many trees out here, I could see a few off in the distance in what light was there, but nothing to distracting from the otherwise boring trip.

A few feet away I saw a torch flare to life, and a man step out from around the rocks. I jerked to a stop releasing the strap of my bag in favor of going into a defensive stance. He wasn't out to ask for directions obviously.

"Lost little girl?" He asked with a menacing curl of his lip.

The muscles in my arms and legs began tightening up from the tension I was exerting to hold my ground. "No, I'm good." I tried to not let him know that I was dismayed by his presence.

"It would be ungentlemanly of me to let such a fine young woman, such as you, walk all alone in the dark." What happened to me being a 'little girl'. Nice try ass hole, not buying it.

"Nor would it us." I turned around sharply to see several more men come out from hiding. Shit, this isn't good. Now I'm out numbered by a bunch of thugs.

"I can handle myself." I tried to keep my voice from quivering, I couldn't let any of them know I was afraid. Then they would just be able to take advantage of me. They all gave chuckles of slight amusement at my lack of care, but weren't about to let me off the hook.

Two of the six behind me began walking toward me, no longer trying to play a little game. Their sneers became more predominate as I took my bag and dropped it to the ground. It would be to heavy to run with, and to cumbersome during the obvious fight coming. I tried to swallow but my throat had long since gone dry, I felt like I was swallowing a mouth full of sand with each breath.

The others stood by watching from the sidelines, what reason would they need to take on a small lone woman?

I took a step back holding my hands out and getting into an obvious stance. Of which made the two men stop for a second trying to figure out why I was waving my hands around and crouching down. The others looked more interested, but didn't move.

The bulkier of the two men reached forward to grab my outstretched wrist, but I twisted my arm around blocking it out of the way, sending my leg into his side. The leather he was wearing deflected most of the blow. It only shocked him and the other guy, but I couldn't let them get over that. I had to strike them both now.

I gave a loud low yell straight from my abdomen as I twisted my hips around kicking the man in the jaw. He stumbled backwards and his friend received several quick kicks in succession. As he stepped backwards with each kick I went forward with the momentum. He grunted a few times before I had enough and aimed for his unarmored knee.

Then he screamed falling to the ground my heel came straight down between his eyes. He was down for the count. The first man grabbed onto my arm after he recovered. He didn't have time to react before I spun around flattening my hand out like a knife and struck at his throat. That got him to release me immediately.

I heard him choke as he grasped at his throat.

He fell over twitching on the ground trying to catch his breath, but it was fading as quickly as his life. His buddies didn't seem the least bit concerned about his life, they just pulled their weapons with a '_skrink_' of metal.

It just got from bad to worse.

Now they knew I knew how to fight, and now they pulled their weapons. Absolutely no sense of honor with these men. I didn't want to be backed up against the rocks, but that's where I ended up. I had nowhere to run and hide. No one to back me up. I should have stayed at the Estate.

A lot of 'should have's' for one night.

The men laughed sadistically creeping up slowly with weapons shining in the dim light of the moon. If they didn't kill me first, I could only imagine what they would do, and pray that they would kill me and leave me for the vultures.

When they were within a few feet one gave a loud yell of pain dropping his sword. The other men looked back to him wondering what had happened, hell even I wonder. He fell to his knees and face down on the ground, a bolt sticking out of the back of his head.

"Back away from the Kitten, and no one gets hurt... Well no one else that is."

Wow, I've died and started imagining my rescue. There is no way, but either way am I glad to hear that voice.

"What!" The leader of the group stuttered finally regaining his own voice. "Forget the girl, kill him!" They turned and charged in the direction that Varric's voice had came from. Then they were stopped by a bright blue-white glow, a massive sword, and a very pissed off elf.

They weren't only stopped by that, but a massive ball of fire throwing two of them over the cliffs. I heard the swooshing of a staff as it was spun around, but I already knew it was a mage.

Fenris charged forward leaping toward one guy, and the glow from where he had phased through the man vanished up to his elbow, and returned from out the mans back. He gave a loud scream as he thrashed around when he fell to the ground. Fenris stopped glowing in favor of taking his sword in hand, thoroughly ending the threat of the last man.

I couldn't help it when I fell to the ground. My knees gave out on me as relief washed over me. I was saved, but how did they know? I never left a note and I certainly never told anyone my plans.

"I thought you might be out here." Varric said heaving a sigh and covered it up with a chuckle. I opened my mouth to ask how, but was interrupted by Anders.

"Varric thought you might be up to something, and called for us." My apostate friend came to kneel beside me, checking for injuries. I just stared up at him, and turned my eyes to Varric in amazement. I blew loudly out from my lips as Anders finished his check up.

Fenris didn't even wait for Anders to give the 'ok' for me to stand, and he hauled me to my feet by my arms. It hurt a whole hell of a lot. "Ow, Fenris! That hurts!" I was ready to start yelling in his ear if he didn't let go and soon. Anything else I could have said vanished from all thought when I looked up at his eyes.

For a moment they were wide and fearful. It made my heart give a lurch seeing his eyes like that. I didn't know how he could give such an expression, but soon they hardened into narrow slits. I instantly felt like an ass, and fool all at once. As though I had been the one to wrong and hurt him.

"Can't you see you're hurting her! Let go!" Anders went to give Fenris a shove, but his hand was knocked away when the elf released me.

The two backed off quickly there after when I passed between the two trying to avoid eye contact, and seeing at the dead bodies of my attackers. I reached down picking up my bag dusting the sand off the bottom, thankful that it hadn't gotten any tares or blood on it.

"Come on Kitten, lets get a move on." Varric came over patting me on the shoulder much more gently than earlier. I couldn't look at him in the eyes either. I didn't want to face them. I'd gone and made such an idiot of myself. If they hadn't came out of thin air, I'd be the one laying on the ground for someone to find.

"Valerie, are you alright?" Anders asked coming to stand beside Varric and I. I nodded my head taking a deep breath. I just want to go back to the Estate and face Garrett's wrath and get this day over with. Maybe if I'm lucky he'll kill me and get it all over with.

I turned to head back in the direction of Kirkwall.

"Where you going? I thought you wanted to find answers?" Varric asked me as I turned to face the three men.

"You... want to help me?" The mere idea of it all sounded so foreign. Why would they want to bother.

"Why must you ask. We wouldn't be here otherwise." Fenris crossed his arms looking miffed that I'd doubted the reason he had came out so early in the morning.

Anders gave a little groan rolling his eyes. "What he means is, of course we want to help." He smiled kindly and went back to ignoring his ally-enemy.

I couldn't understand why they'd do something like this for me, I don't think I ever could or will. But neither could I question their help. I broke out into a grin and resisted the urge to jump around and hug all three of them. "Thanks guys."

Varric winked at me giving me a thumbs-up. "Come on, we have a party we don't want to miss."

Yes, lets go crash us a party.


	13. Barely Holding On

CHAPTER 13: BARELY HOLDING ON

Varric managed to sneak himself in. I don't know how he smooth talked his way in, but there was no way the three of us would be able to do that. He made us wait by a door on the far end of the building. That was nearly half an hour ago.

We could see people around the corner entering the chateau, all dressed up prettily and snootily. Some even kept elves on a close leash, literally. It made Fenris mad beyond belief, he had to see what he'd spent the last several years escaping occurring right before his eyes. And nothing he could do to stop it.

I had tried to comfort him at least a little, but he only pushed me away. If Anders wasn't there I might have just ran away, and aborted my mission. I hadn't seen Fenris so hostile toward me since we'd first physically met in person.

Our attention was soon broken and turned to a quiet 'pist'ing coming from the now unlocked door. "Come on, hurry and change." We all filed into the room and the guys began scoping out the room. I think it was a small storage room for a kitchen. It looked like it was overly cleaned, it just made me want to rip open a sack of flour and run around the room cackling madly, strange huh considering...

"Kitten hurry before someone comes in here." Varric said as he shoved me in the direction of a tall pile of boxes and sacks. I took off my bag and began jumbling through it as I heard the guys all rummaging through something Varric had found. From their side of the 'wall' I could hear armor being dropped to the ground, as well as weapons.

I was curious so I peaked around the corner and got a _great _eye full of Fenris'... um... 'package'... Oh boy!

I jumped back nearly knocking over the boxes in my haste.

"Everything alright?" I heard Anders whisper.

I cleared my throat trying not to make it so squeaky. "I," Way to high pitched! "Yeah." I cleared my throat again feeling my face grow even warmer than before. Why didn't they warn me! I fumbled around trying to unzip my bag and take off my 'casual' clothes and put on the party dress. I resisted the urge to look back around the corner to see if the guys were all fully clothed as I fidgeted with the dress trying to tie up the back.

"Hurry up, kitten." Varric whispered some minutes later. The guys had all stopped making any kind of noise and had began waiting for me.

"I can't get to the back!" I squeaked flailing around trying to magically make my arms grow another two feet. After a second I felt a pair of hands push mine away from the strings and begin pulling them tight. I then began fiddling with the end of my sloppily done braid before it too was pulled from my hands.

It was promptly undone, and a set of fingers combed through it swiftly. Then it too was quickly braided back into a fancy feeling set of twists as he incorporated my ribbon into the mix. I turned my head just before the end was finished to see Fenris as the one standing behind me. I 'eeped' and turned back around giving a little jump. He didn't say anything, so he obviously hadn't noticed me having my own private peep show a few minutes ago.

I turned back around again as he finished tying off the end. His face was still impassive. Like he didn't want to be here, but wasn't being forced at the same time. He's strange to read like that. It was then that I noticed something heartbreaking around his neck. A slave collar and leash.

I turned around feeling my hair slide from his grasp and tried to take off that offensive piece of leather. "Leave it be." His voice was calm, but spiteful.

"I can't let you do that!" I whispered trying to take it off again, but he took my hands and placed the end of the leash in them closing my fists around it.

"If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have agreed." I wanted to throw the leash to the ground like it was on fire. Stomp it until my legs were sore and actually set it on fire.

It burned to the touch, I didn't want it, or want anything to have to do with it. The pads of his thumbs rubbed over my fingers softly, and I swear I can feel the lyrium lines on them.

"Alright, we're in, but we need to get _in_." Varric came around the corner causing Fenris to drop my hands immediately. The dwarf carried several piles of armor while Anders came carrying the rest and the weapons; save Bianca who was still strapped to Varric's back. He wasn't going to let her go for anything.

"Alright, Blondie and I will go find 'his lordship'," Varric rolled his eyes obviously. " you two go mingle with the high and mighty. Maybe see if you can find any helpful information." He tapped Anders on the arm with the back of his hand. "When we've found him, we'll get him alone and make him spill his guts if we need. Let's go and get this done." Varric and Anders then left the room after hiding away our things. No don't go! I don't know what to do!

To late, they were long gone. I can stand here imitating a fish all day, but nothing would happen that would make any progress. I let out a little whine that doesn't go unnoticed by my newly acquired and unwanted 'slave'.

"I don't wana do this anymore." I whined and he took his hand and placed it on my cheek softly rubbing circles with his knuckles. "I'm so sorry, Fenris." I felt the need to apologize every three seconds, but he just shook his head.

"Don't give them reason to suspect something may be... off." I had to stop pouting, I wasn't the one who had just thrown out my dignity to help a friend. I walked out of the room looking around seeing no one in the kitchen, or the hall connecting.

"Are you lost Lady...?" I suppressed the urge to jump at the voice that had caught us so quickly. I looked at the man behind us, an elf like Fenris.

"I um" I looked quickly to Fenris, but he just remained silent beside me eyes cast to the ground. Oh yeah, he's acting his part. Shit, what do I do!? Think quickly Valerie! "I was looking for the... washroom, yes the washroom. And I got turned around." Please buy it! The elf just stared at me but had fallen for my great lie.

Way to work under pressure there. Smooth.

He turned with quiet orders to follow him back to the fraternizing of the nobles. "Thank you." I gave the elf a smile and he looked utterly confused.

"You don't thank slaves..." Fenris whispered sadly beside me. Then he returned to standing like a moving statue just behind me. I began wringing the leather strap in my hands wanting to beat the nearest slave holding bastard. Which wasn't to far away.

I looked around at the people who began laughing snobbishly at something another had said. I could barely understand anything they said. Stop talking through your noses! Assholes...

"And you are Serrah?" They were addressing me again, yippie. The group of women all stood fanning themselves with pretty fans standing around either holding a wine glass or leash.

"Valerie Herron."

"That is an... interesting investment Serrah Herron. What do you call it?" I felt like my teeth were going to break if I clench them any tighter. How could Varric make me do this, and why was Fenris even _letting _me do it!

I started to retort against the bitch, but I heard Fenris give a quiet 'no'. I couldn't blow our cover. The noble bitches all began raising an eye brow. I gave a weary sigh and fanned my face.

"Oh I don't know... I've just called him 'slave'."

The women all gave nods of their heads, secrecy recovered we're back on track. "Yes, why bother with names." One lady shrugged her shoulder. "After all a slave is just a slave."

Must resist pummeling these bitches right here and now. If Fenris could keep his cool, so could I. Just keep calm, Valerie.

Man what's taking Varric and Anders so long! Get me out of here!

I looked around trying to spot either of the two but couldn't find them over the heads of the men and women standing around preening their feathers. Sounded like a bunch of chickens squawking through stopped up noses.

I wiggled around in my dress trying to be able to breathe again. When one of the women noticed I just smiled and gave a stupid little giggle waving them off. They giggled in response causing the others to giggle.

"What does he do Lady Herron?" One asked. I just stood there going 'ugh...'. Ladies and Gentlemen, the award for best actress goes to Valerie! Give her a hand, or smack her on the back of the head. Please knock me into reality, thanks.

Another woman threw her nose to the air. "It looks positively frightening." She pat her hand against her chest giving a fake whimper. "Not at all pretty to look at." She tugged the leash in her own hand causing the young elf woman to jump in surprise. She looked up at me a silent plea for someone to end her torment, and then she returned to studying her ornate gloves.

She had to be around my age, maybe a little younger. How could anyone have such low morals to do this.

"You should be afraid of him." I felt Fenris shuffle behind me, and I turned to see him finally start to hold his head up. I sat my hand against his arm as though showing off how strong he was. "Best guardian I've ever had."

The women fanned themselves and stared. They had nothing else to say on my 'frightening' companion, and they better keep their mouths shut. Because I don't know how long I can keep mine closed.

They soon returned to gawking about the local politics, or something of the sort. It could have been about who was richer or had the best dress. I'm not really certain. I tried to ask about the owner of the chateau, but no one seemed to want to talk about him.

Aaahhh, wahhahah...! I mentally threw my head back and cried.

"If you will excuse me ladies." I bowed my head to the women and they did the same. I couldn't take one more second of their pesky babbling and giggling. Stuck up bitches, I apologize … wait no I don't. They're the ones who need to ask for forgiveness.

I pulled Fenris into a hall closing the door behind us hoping we had gotten away unseen. I couldn't wait for the guys anymore. I had to find this stupid … I don't know what, and get the hell out of here.

I dropped the leash, I couldn't take holding that damned thing anymore and went to remove that stupid damned fucking ugly ass collar. As I reached toward Fenris he grabbed onto my wrists slamming my back into the wall. The force knocked the breath from me for a second as the elf pressed himself up against me farther preventing me from breathing.

He released my wrists and my hands fisted in his borrowed shirt as his own gripped at my hips. I felt dizzy as blood rushed up to my head the closer he pulled me into him and farther into the wall; I was being crushed between a rock and a hard place.

I could feel every muscle in his body, _every _muscle. Oh please don't tell me he had been enjoyed being dominated, so wrong!

"Fenris..." I panted, I needed the air that he was defiantly not letting me take in. I didn't want him to let go either, but what if we were caught? So many thoughts were running through my mind, but not one that I could focus on for more than a second.

Well there was one...

I don't think I need to explain what exactly that is. You don't need to be MacGyver to put that one together. Pretty sure Fenris' mind is about on the same page as I am by this point.

His head flopped onto my shoulder heavily, and he let out a heavy breath. I gulped as he stopped pulling me into him and let a little breathing room between us. Not much but it was enough so I wouldn't pass out.

"Next time, warn me and we'll find a bed." I half joked. He shook his head but never removed it from my shoulder.

"Yes, perhaps another time." He stepped back to put a respectful distance between us, but my mind didn't quite get that at the time. My body still hungered for his touch. Since when did I feel this way about him? Sure I teased him, but it was just playful banter.

I wanted to stay in his arms, and feel his lips against mine. And much more if he would allow it.

"Kiss me." I still clung desperately to him trying not to shake. I didn't want him to push me away, but I knew he needed too. I felt drunk, and it was all his fault.

"Is that an order, _master._" He asked playfully with a slight smirk.

I tried to fight back my own grin, but it ended up winning. "More like a friendly suggestion." I whispered leaning in closer as he leaned down.

"Ah, only friendly?" I could feel the leather biting into me as well as other parts attached to the elf.

I could feel his heart pounding under my palm, was he as nervous as I was? Did he know I was nervous?

I wanted to push myself up onto the balls of my feet because Fenris was taking way to long to decide what to do. I did, and he raised up quickly putting himself at a distance. My intended kiss on the lips landed on that fucking mocking collar. Wait why did he do that!?

A door across from us swung open nearly slamming into the wall. "There you two are! We've been looking for you for the last ten minutes... What's wrong Valerie?" Anders' panted from probably running across the chateau.

"Nothing, what took you!" I accused trying to draw the attention away from the two of us blushing like a couple of fools. I panted myself although for a completely different reason. Anders didn't have to know that though, ahem...

We followed after the mage as he blindly lead us through the maze like chateau. I partly began to wonder if he even knew where he was going in the first place. I guess I don't have the right to accuse him on that, I wouldn't know where we were going even if I knew.

Makes a whole lot of sense there. I blame you Fenris. You've gotten my brain all scrambled up right now.

I dropped my dress when we finally stopped running and bent over trying to catch my breath. I'd never officially gotten it back to begin with, thanks again. Didn't even get my kiss out of it either, totally not worth it. Damn-it why am I pouting, I'm about to go home. Or at least be that much closer!

I looked up to Fenris, who had regained his normal tan color and was breathing like a normal, unhormone-crazed nutcase. Varric came out from another doorway and quickly began reciting what the two had found, sorry to busy hyperventilating here. Give me a minute, ugh.

I stood up and my back cracked loudly in protest. Man, how can I fight so freaking easily, but then get pounced on and nothing happen and that leave me out of breath. It wasn't even really a dry hump, the hell am I thinking now...

"Valerie... Valerie, are you paying attention?" I looked around trying to find Anders.

"Yeah, got it." I flashed a thumbs up and took in a deep breath. Varric and Anders both looked at one another and just shrugged. We all began walking down the continuously growing number of hall ways. This place quickly began turning into some kind of labyrinth, weird.

I looked around at the paintings and candles lining the walls until they began to grow sparser and sparser until there was hardly anything other than a blank wall and a few torches.

"Are we going the right w-... guys!?" I spun around looking for the group. I only looked away for a second, where did they go! This place really did turn into a labyrinth, please no minotaur! "Fenris!" I called looking down one of the long narrow passages until it faded into darkness some ways away. I turned around looking to the others, but it was only the same. Either straight or curved.

I heard a bellow coming from the path I think I'd came from. W-what was that? I don't want to stay and find out! I took off down a random hall, one of the ones that curved almost immediately. I nearly tripped on the stupid dress as I ran blindly down one hall after another, the bellowing kept coming closer.

Who let Garrett in here! Shit no time for jokes. What the hell is that thing!

I panted coming to a three way path, looking around at the choices I had. I could hear stomping and more bellowing coming in my direction. Quick decision, straight!

What I wouldn't give for my pants right now! Why didn't I put them on under this stupid ass dress. Damn you hindsight. The dress kept slipping from my sweaty hands every few seconds, and my breathing became more labored as I began to have a stitch in my side. I couldn't stop running, I had to keep going.

If I don't find one of the guys soon, I'm royally screwed.

I risked a glance behind me and found a damned minotaur, what are the fucking odds, chasing after me! When I looked forward again a massive ball of fire was heading straight for me. I gasp loudly dropping my dress and fell flat on my face.

The minotaur got a face full of fire, and roared loudly shaking the hall slamming into the walls. "This place feeds off our minds!" Anders, have I told you how much I love you lately!

"No shit!" I squeaked as he pulled me to my feet and cast another wave of fiery fury at the ever pissed off bull hybrid.

We ran off back the way Anders' had came, and the bull kept thrashing about where he was. At least for the time being.

"What in the Makers' name is that thing!?" He asked panting heavily trying to chose the smart route.

"A minotaur," He looked at me like I was crazy for knowing what it was. "it's... it's a legend from where I came from. Half man half bull, Anders' we don't have time for this, let's just run!"

Just a few seconds after that Anders' and I gave a loud yell and slammed into a pair of other moaning things. I nearly screamed and ran in the other direction, if it weren't for Anders picking me up around the waist and tossing me over the shoulder I wouldn't have realized we'd literally ran into Fenris and Varric.

The two looked like they'd been running from their own demons.

"Anders..." I panted out and pointed behind him where he couldn't see me. He shushed me for a second as he talked quickly with Fenris and Varric. "Anders!" I flailed about nearly being dropped pounding with one hand on his back and pointing with the other. "Run dumbass!" I screamed nearly wetting myself seeing the bull lower it's head ready to bowl us over like a couple of pins.

I nearly bit off my tongue when he booked it down the hall. At least the guys were all together now.

I turned slightly to see Fenris skid to a halt, Varric stopped nearly slamming into him, and of course Anders' didn't stop as quickly knocking first Fenris, then Varric and us down. The ground suddenly vanished from our view as we fell down a long dark hole.

_'Oh god my head...' I shook my head a few times raising up on my hands and knees. Once I open my eyes I nearly fell back down. Slowly I stood on wobbling knees. "Where am I?" I squeaked and covered my mouth. My voice, what's wrong with it? "TOMATO!" Once more my hands clasp around my mouth. _

_When I spoke it sounded like I had two voices. Although one was much fainter than the other it was there. Wait a second that's not all that's weird. I'm pretty sure trees aren't supposed to waver around like they're under water. Holy shit am I drowning!?_

_What the hell Valerie, of course you're not drowning. I mumbled out an, "Anders," I waited for a few seconds, straining to hear his voice. "Anders!" I called louder, but it was just as useless as the first attempt. "Fenris! Varric!" I waited for a few minutes, but no one was answering my calls. "Guys... where are you?" I swallowed hard trying to keep myself calm. Slowly but surely I began to take a few small steps around the area; turning around as I moved forward. Or at least what I assume is the direction forward. _

_"Hello?" I weakly whispered hoping that someone would hear me. This place felt so strange, and familiar at the same time. Like I'd been here before._

_Once I managed my way out of the thin woods I could see a tiny shack by a lake. I took off at a sprint thinking that maybe the guys had already made it here. But my hopes came crashing down when I found the tiny building completely devoid of life. There wasn't even a spider or a rat around._

_As I turned with my head hanging down to the water my eyes met a weird glowing ghost. I screamed and pressed my back into the wall of the shack, but I couldn't really feel the grain of the wood biting into my fingers as I clutched at the wall. _

_"Mortal calm yourself." It spoke lazily. I inched away and pulled my hands to a more defensive position, half expecting them to be covered in splinters. Obviously there were none though._

_"Who ... or what are you?" I narrow my eyes taking small steps around the thing. I couldn't tell if it was a man ghost or a woman ghost, it's voice was a mix of both. _

_The strongest of it's voices was deep and commanding. While the second was like a song. "Have I not already gone over this?" I looked it up and down, since when did I associate with ghosts? "I am no ghost, I am a spirit." __What's the difference? "There is a difference!" It barked out causing me to jump and back farther away. _

_"Alright, what ever you say." _

_"Mortal why do you come back to me?" I could feel my face contort into confusion. What in the world was it even going on about? I've never been here and sure as hell never seen this thing to come back to it. "Have you forgotten?" It sounded almost sad._

_I shook my head and lowered my hands. "I've never met you." _

_"Then I shall re-introduce myself. I am Hope, a spirit of the Fade." And like a cast iron pan being dropped onto my head it dawned on me. That name, this place it sounded so familiar Then again I could have just dreamed it up once before or something. "You did."_

_"Come again?" _

_"I met you once long ago but such a short time past." The ghost-not-ghost spirit thing walked over toward the lake motioning me to follow it. _

_"So I'm just dreaming."_

_It stopped suddenly and turned on me. "No!" _

_"I thought you just said I dreamed this?!" I flung my arms out, god was this thing aggervating. _

_"This is no dream! But you are dreaming." It turned again seeming to calm down, but left me more confused._

_"But you just said that I'm not dreaming, how can I be dreaming but not dreaming." All of this was just making my head hurt. Hope, or what ever it calls itself flashed in a bright blue light and turned into a ball. It spun around me causing me to get whiplash from trying to follow it. I tried to move away from the thing, and backed into the lake. I could hear the splashes my feet made in my haste to get away as the spirit continued to spin around me in erratic patterns. Then all of a sudden it stopped and slammed into my stomach. I felt my feet slip out from under me as I fell backwards into the water. And then everything just went black. Leaving me to awaken in the real world this time. Only to forget that this even happened. _

When I came to, we were all laying sprawled out in a lavishly decorated room. I pushed myself off of my human pillow named Anders and looked around. He groaned loudly just coming back to the world himself.

I slid off of him to let him sit up and he rubbed at his head muttering curses that I didn't know he could use.

"Wow, would you look at this..." Varric said appearing from around a giant golden statue of some random person. He had obviously woke up way earlier than either of us.

"Where's Fenris?" Varric stopped looking at all the shiny stuff and his face fell. He had obviously not seen him and just now realized it.

"What does it matter... he was no help anyway." I heard Anders mutter bitterly. I know he doesn't like him, but damn he's on our side isn't he. Theirs no use acting like that, not here not after what's happened!

"It does matter!? What if he's hurt or worse!" I couldn't think it, I didn't want to think something could be wrong with him. But where was he, I'm worried about him.

"Then the world will be better off!"

I pushed Anders from where we sat on the ground knocking him back down. "How can you say that!" I screeched. I vaguely heard Varric calling for us to stop fighting. But I couldn't stop shaking Anders' by the neck of his shirt. Wishing that I could just strangle him.

"Hey, get a hold of yourselves!" Varric pulled us apart and I lunged for Anders again. I don't know why I wanted to, but I wanted to hurt him. He could be after what I wanted after all!

"I'll kill you Anders!" I snarled at him before I realized what I was doing.

He just sat there looking up at me with confusion and betrayal all over his face. Why would I ever want to hurt him?

"I'm fine now, sorry..." I whispered as Varric let me go.

Varric gave a quiet curse and released me. "Kitten good news and bad news..." I turned around to face him, what was he going on about. "I think I found the item we're looking for... and our missing elf."

"What could be bad about that?" Anders asked before I could get the words to even form in my own mind.

Varric simply pointed first to a glowing orb, floating above a small fountain of water. Then his finger turned to the golden stat-... no...

It wasn't him, it was just an uncanny resemblance. Nothing more, nothing to worry about! Fenris was just passed out somewhere else in the room... I started to call out for him, but found my feet drawn toward the floating orb instead.

_**"All your desires... all your dreams... speak them to me. And it shall be fulfilled..." **_ I heard a voice whisper in my head. It sounded like a bubbling brook, and floated through my ears just like water. I looked around to see if Anders and Varric had heard it, but they were busy studying the statue of the not-Fenris.

"Did you not hear that?" I asked and Varric was the only one of the two to look up and acknowledge me.

"No, what did you hear?" I repeated what the voice had said and looked back to the now quiet orb, was it waiting on me to give it an answer or something? "Anything you want? You could go home kitten..." He said sadly.

Anders finally got interested in the conversation. "You're leaving?"

"I..." Could I really say good-bye to this world now. Goodbye to my friends, and finally go home. Back to where everything was normal, and this could all have been a bad dream. "I want..."

_**"Chose carefully mortal... for you only have one chance..." **_The voice whispered and my heart clenched. Why am I not surprised...

I saw Varric and Anders turn back to the statue. "How do we get him out of this..." Varric asked a sad tone in his voice.

Anders placed his hand on the base of the statue, searching it with his own magic. "I... I don't honestly know." There was no way for them to free him?

"I'm thinking!" I screamed as the voice began to repeat what it had said earlier. My vision began swimming and my heart all but stopped. I could go home! I could see my family again! I want to go home, I don't want to be here anymore! "Free Fenris! Free him now!" I collapsed to my knees shaking with tears. The orb beside me sounded like it cracked, and the water it was floating on stopped. I could hear little 'plop plop plop's as the pieces of the orb fell into the water.

Then the room went bright, and the area changed again. We were outside, sitting under the shade of several large trees. I could hear the ocean crashing against the rocks some ways away. But my own sobs drown that out. I reached down clutching at the grass and earth.

I fell forward unable to cry anymore as I hugged myself. I didn't care if I messed up the stupid dress. I don't care if I'm getting dirty.

I've always been selfish, placing myself above everyone else. Why, why couldn't I just have stayed that way. Ever since coming here, I've changed and I don't like it.

"Elf! You feeling alright?" Varric asked and I heard Fenris groan out in pain.

"What...?" He mumbled. "Val-"

"Leave her be, Elf." Varric whispered and I heard a flop of someone sitting down heavily. "She just gave up her one chance to go home, to save you."

_I toss and turn and scream, I try to do everything  
>With two feet on the ground I just keep falling down again<br>I feel so far from home, completely all alone  
>And then I hear You say I am here, I am here<em>

Whenever you run away  
>Whenever you lose your faith<br>It's just another stroke of the pen on the page

_A lonely ray of hope is all that you'll need to see a beautiful history  
>A beautiful history, a beautiful history<em>

**Beautiful History-Plumb**


	14. Naughty

**Filler chapter whoo 8)**

CHAPTER 14: NAUGHTY

A hand sat on my shoulder and pulled me into a pair of strong arms. Anders didn't try to say anything to comfort me, there was nothing he could say that would make me feel better. Just the fact that he was there was enough for me. I just listened to his heart beat in rhythm with the ocean some ways away.

Varric had left some time during that to retrieve our things. Then we would head back to Kirkwall. Fenris had stayed behind with the two of us, and when I finally got the strength to look up he was ripping the collar from around his neck. It landed a foot or two away from where we sat, and I just stared at it.

My eyes numbly stared it down. "Set it on fire, please." I pointed lazily to the offensive piece of leather and let my hand drop back into my lap. I wanted to get up and stomp it into the ground, but lacked the energy to do so.

Anders' arm stretched out and in the palm of his hand a small ball of fire formed. He waved it through the air and it found its nearby target easily. I watched the leash and collar begin to curve in on itself and darken to black and then began to crumble to ashes.

Take that.

I stood up, and Anders was still right beside me with a hand on my shoulder. I walked away toward the cliffs, taking a deep breath in closing my eyes. The breeze was nice, and the sun was warm. I turned back to the two men behind me, they watched curiously as to what I was doing, but otherwise said nothing.

I wasn't any closer to being home. I probably never would be again. There was a million reasons for me to want to turn my back on this world. But there was two standing right here, for me to stay.

For the first time in several hours I smiled. I woke up this morning, expecting the day to be ending at home, and put the past behind me. But now that I think about it, I wouldn't be able to. This was a world full of adventure and magic. It was scary, but I know I'm not completely alone.

I spread my arms out and fell back into the grass staring up at the sky. A deep blue that had became so familiar. Fenris came to stand in my view leaning down. His eyes asking what in the world I was doing. I just grinned stupidly at him.

Maybe, just maybe I could see myself staying, for the right reasons of course.

Back in Kirkwall Varric, Fenris and I stopped around the corner from the Amell Estate. Anders had gone back to the clinic almost as soon as we returned, but the other two stayed with me. We had all changed back into normal clothes before we came back to the city.

"Need help facing Hawke?" Varric asked.

I shook my head letting out a heavy sigh. "I'll be fine." I smiled and flashed him a thumbs up. "I'll see you guys later... provided Garrett doesn't kill me first..." I mumbled and gave an awkward laugh. Varric pat me on the arm giving a yawn, don't do that going to make... _yawn... _me do it...

I started in the direction of the Estate, but Fenris grabbed onto my elbow pulling me around to face him.

"You could have gone home?" It sounded like a question, but I'm not entirely sure. I just shrugged my free arm. I could have, it's in the past now nothing I can do about it.

"If you're asking if I regret what I asked, no. Not at all." Aw how can his eyes get so big and cute like that. So pretty! "I, kind of like it here. Besides, now you owe me that kiss." I know my smirk looks so mischievous. Fenris' eyebrows drew together making his eyes all the more adorable in their confusion.

"I um ahem..." Oh my gosh was he actually embarrassed!

I bounced on my toes trying not to break into laughter. "I'll take a rain check on that, but know I charge interest." I winked as he released his hold on my arm. "Cya later Fenris." I walked a couple steps backwards giving him a half-assed attempt at a salute.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Fenris gulped clearing his throat. Had she really just said that? To him of all people. He couldn't figure out if she were just joking with him as the two had been for the last few months. She teased and flirted with him as he played along.

The wall that he built around himself should have been impenetrable, but somehow that little human woman had found a way around it. He remembered the days she spent with him fondly, and when she would leave; he felt empty. But she always returned.

It wasn't as though she actually had feelings for him. She couldn't she was to far out of his reach. He wanted to give her everything, but there was nothing he could. It made him furious.

After the incident in the chateau it left him full of want. He didn't like that he had to play the part of her slave, but like he had said if it were anyone else, he wouldn't have done it. He leaned his sword against the wall and stared at the empty fireplace in his borrowed mansion.

Once more his armor was dropped to the ground leaving him in nothing but his trousers. Even they felt to tight even after the several hours that had passed. The thought of her pressed up against him like that again only made the feeling worse.

He groaned loudly in agitation and kicked over a vase shattering it against the stone ground. Falling onto the bed he threw one arm over his eyes and let the other and a leg dangle limply over the side. He tried to ignore the pain in his loins, but it was becoming to much.

He felt the bed move, but didn't move to see what was going on. Only when he felt a body straddle his hips did he flare up wildly ready to attack. The sudden glowing was ended when he caught the fearful eyes of Valerie.

He leaned up as far as he could on his elbows opening his mouth, why had she come here now?

"What are you-"

She shushed him and pushed him back into the bed. "I've come to collect my pay." She teased walking two fingers up his chest while the other hand kept him firmly in place. She was much stronger than he had expected. He gulped wondering just what she was going to 'collect' from him.

She gave a little _hum..._ His hands clutched at her hips as she leaned forward pressing herself as closely as she could. Valerie moved against him, earning a satisfied moan from the elf and she nipped at his pointed ear.

Suddenly they were both unclothed as she moved against his hot flesh, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted inside of her. He couldn't take anymore of her teasing and torturing.

"Want me..." He pleaded feeling none to like himself. He felt her smile against his chin as her lips finally claimed his own. Without warning he pushed himself deep inside of her, making her scream out and arch into him. He tossed his own head back the feeling overcoming him completely.

Fenris' eyes snapped open at the loud crack of thunder. He threw his arm from over his eyes and looked to the window as another flash of lightning struck. It was all just a dream...


	15. The Calm Before

**Two for the price of one! Since these two chapters are short :) Next one is longer so it'll be up in a few days after these two get a little time on here**

CHAPTER: 15 THE CALM BEFORE

_We all had a silent agreement, never to mention what had happened that day nearly a month ago. Life just returned to as normal as it could get. Garrett had been furious when I returned though, but I blew him off as I headed straight for bed. It had been a long day then._

_ Everyday I looked forward to Fenris' and my reading lessons. Even though I wanted to, I never teased him about what was said and done that day either. _

Fenris read aloud from a book on the history of Kirkwall. His speech was getting much better, and he wasn't struggling to figure out pronunciations. Every so often he needed help on words he hadn't seen before, but other than that he was doing wonderfully.

So at some point during our reading sessions, Fenris kept inching his way closer to where ever I sat. At first I didn't notice, but in the end it's kind of hard not to notice an elf laying right on top of you. I can't say I was adverse to it at all.

Eventually though his voice began to quiet into a soft whisper, and he fell asleep all together.

I leaned over trying not to move to much, and found he was already asleep. I tried, really tried, not to laugh at how cute he looked. Like a big puppy all curled up safely by his best friend. I leaned back against the evil armrest, for once it wasn't so evil, and absentmindedly began running my fingers through Fenris' hair. I heard the book fall from his hand and land beside the chair with a light thunk, and his arms circled around my waist. He mumbled something into my stomach and snored softly.

"Oh what have we here?" My eyes snapped open to find Isabela leaning casually against the door.

I gasp trying not to make a sound, but it happened anyway. "Shush!" Was the only slightly intelligible sound to come out. She grinned impishly rocking side to side folding her arms. I mouthed a '_what are you doing here! What do you want!_'

"Oh I was just making sure you were alright. But I guess you're doing a bit more than 'alright'." She chuckled. Which in turn caused Fenris to stir awake. He leaned up enough to let me get free, and I charged after that pain in the ass. She took off cackling like a maniac, wait that's her default setting, and slid down the railing of the stairs.

"I'm going to kill you Isabela!"

"Save your energy pet, you'll need it for that sexy elf you've bagged." She threw the door open and it slammed against the wall loudly echoing in the almost empty house. And just like that we left Fenris behind to stare blankly from the lounge chair.

"Get back here!" I yelled after her throwing it open again letting it bang against the wall, and slam shut.

I eventually lost sight of Isabela when we got to the market, I could still hear her chicken like cackle bouncing around from one direction to another.

"I know where you live!" I shouted into the crowd finally fed up with trying to find her. I didn't hear her shout anything back. "What!" I shouted at the group of staring pedestrians. They didn't even bother to look away and continued to stare at me make a fool of myself.

What else could I do. I couldn't go back to Fenris now, not after the scene Isabela had made. I swear sometimes I just want to kick her ass so hard she won't want to move from her bed for the next year. Bitch.

x-x-x-x

Days later the entire group spread out across the beach. Each person searched through the tall grass for rare blooms. Anders had requested only a few help him, but was surprised when everyone turned up. Even the ever busy Aveline.

Merrill popped out from the tall grass. "I found..." She studied the random weed in her fingers. She tossed it aside, most not even bothering to pay attention to her outburst. Garrett watched her from the corner of his eyes, trying to keep his grin hidden in the shadow of his beard.

It wasn't long before Valerie lost her attention with hunting the bloom, and ran to the ocean throwing her boots off in the process. "Merrill come on!" She waved to the elven girl. Merrill stood up again pondering if she should go. Isabela walked across the beach and ran at Valerie, tackling her into the surf.

The two women popped up gasping for breath a few seconds later. Valerie called the pirate woman a few choice names before slapping water in the womans direction. Valerie jumped up giving a battle cry and pounced on the other woman.

Fenris watched from the rocks with a mild expression of amusement. Those two had to be the strangest pair he'd ever seen. If they weren't fighting and causing a small war, the two acted like the closest of sisters. From behind him he heard a giggle.

He turned sharply to face Merrill. She had a wide grin on her face as she rocked on the balls of her bare feet. Fenris gave her a distrusting stare, and not only because she was a mage. She was up to something with that look, there was no denying it, but he couldn't figure out what.

"Why are you looking at me like that..." He didn't trust why she kept that oh so innocent stare.

She smiled and clap her hands together going into another mad fit of giggles. "You're in love." Fenris took a step back as though he had been struck.

"I am not!" He defended himself. He felt his face drain of blood and hands became clammy. He couldn't meet the Dalish elves eyes. Merrill didn't buy his blatant lie. The fact that he was near stuttering and stumbling over himself added to her suspensions.

She covered her mouth giving another little laugh. She nodded her head at the small figures of Isabela and Valerie. The two had managed to drag Anders into the ocean against his will.

"Every time she looks away, you look at Valerie with those sad puppy eyes."

"There are no _puppy eyes_!" He spat the word out as if it were bitter. His heart hammered in his chest not allowing him to calm down. Merrill shook her head but her smile remained happy.

"It's not so bad. Even you can be happy once and awhile." She spun around on her heel clasping her hands behind herself. "But do be careful though, your face might crack if you smile." She all but skipped off leaving Fenris to stare at the ground at his feet.

He didn't love Valerie! There was no way. He turned slightly to see the growing number of occupants in the ocean, whether willing by this point or not he didn't know.

Valerie looked up waving an arm in the air and cupped a hand around her mouth. "Fenris!" She waved wildly before her feet were knocked from under her by a rogue wave. Fenris could barely hear the yelp and see the shock pass across her face. He stared off at her form bobbing around in the current and could hear laughter from all of those who had been on the beach. A smile tugged at his lips as his eyes softened while he shook his head.

He knew something was there, but was to afraid to admit it to anyone; especially himself.


	16. The Storm

CHAPTER 16: THE STORM

_About_ _two years later..._ (Act II)

Three years, have I really been here that long? How could that much time pass so quickly. It seems like just yesterday I had arrived here and then we had been scuffling along underground. Then, all but invading a nobles home and causing general chaos And still I haven't been any closer to figuring out anything as to why I'm here, or if my family is alright.

For awhile everyone seemed to drift apart, doing their own things, but eventually though we all came back together at the Hanged Man. We did lose one though, Carver, he betrayed his brother in the worst way ever. He joined the Templar's. He was the only one that never returned to the Hanged Man. And Garrett never spoke about him to anyone.

His own brother had joined up with those monsters that were out for his head. This entire world seems to revolve around how much someone can shatter the hearts of those closest to them.

Ever since that little incident with Isabela two years ago, even Fenris went back to acting like he had before we became friends. Sure, he still talked to me, but he never smiled. I don't even know if he continued practicing reading in the time that passed.

About the only ones that didn't change at all were Isabela, damn her, and sweet Merrill.

Aveline did change a little, but she wasn't around enough for me to tell any difference. After all she was the captain of the guard now.

"And I win again." Isabela chuckled pulling the pile of coins to herself. There was a chorus of groans and curses. She never seemed to lose, she had to be cheating, but no one could prove it for a fact. Even though everyone still played Wicked Grace with her.

"More drinks!" Varric called dealing out the cards again.

I guess he, everyone, figured getting her drunk enough she would slip up and show just how she cheated. But she never did. Oh she got drunk enough to start practically dry humping Garrett. It was kind of funny and sick at the same time.

As soon as he would pull his arm free from her grasp she would latch herself around his chest and giggle uncontrollably. She wasn't really that far gone though.

Weird lady.

"You alright Merrill?"

She jumped and looked up from her cards smiling slightly. "Oh yes. I'm perfectly fine, why wouldn't I be? Everything has been quite nice lately."

"I'm going to go for a walk, you wanta come?" I asked as I stood.

"No, I think I'm getting the hang of this now. I wouldn't want to forget later."

As soon as she declined Anders asked if he could come with me. "How have you been. We haven't talked much." He asked awkwardly as we wandered aimlessly around Low Town.

"Fine, just bored silly I guess. It's quiet at Garrett's estate."

"I'm glad then." He cleared his throat. "And glad you've finally dislodged yourself from that elf."

"Excuse me?" I grabbed onto his robe pulling him to a stop in the middle of the street. It must be close to that time of the month because, 'that elf' comment really set me off. "Are you still going on about it? 'That elf' happens to be my friend."

"He's a wild animal he can't be trusted!" He snapped grabbing my shoulders shaking me.

"Why do you always do this! You always bring up the stupidest things and piss people off!" I slapped his hands away.

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"I think I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I slammed my hands into his chest several times just daring him to strike back. It wasn't anything that would actually hurt him, hurt me more than it would him, but I'm not about to let him start this again. With a grunt I slapped at his chest one last time before turning around cursing his name and him in general. "I don't want to talk to you again, Anders. Just get lost."

"Valerie!"

"Shove it, Anders!" I yelled back. I adore Anders; he was my best friend and hero if you will, but sometimes I really think I hate him more. I'm grateful that he saved me all those times in the three years I've been here, but it only can go so far.

"Valerie..."

"I said go away!" I barked out turning around, but Anders wasn't behind me. He wasn't anywhere in site. "Asshole." I muttered, he just hid behind the damn corner like a coward. I just need a good long nap once I get back to the estate.

"Valerie..."

Okay seriously Anders I'm going to hurt you for real this time. I turn around ready to slam my fist right into his face, but he's not there. I look around, and the entire street is empty. "Anders, I swear I'm going to knock you senseless if you don't cut this out." I turned around giving a growl to myself, and heard my name called again. I stopped only for a second before I turned around ready to hit whoever was behind me.

But once again, no one was there. This was to weird.

"Anders?..." I could barely hear my own voice it was so low. But it suddenly shot up several octaves."Aah!" I felt something hit my head, the pain ...

…

Isabela and Varric sat at the table waiting for Garrett to show up. Varric's oh so loveable brother had been rumored to be back in Kirkwall, and that news needed to be broken as soon as the mage entered the tavern. Varric cooed to his weapon as he polished it until he could see his reflection in the metal, whispering sweet words of revenge to his beloved Bianca.

Isabela sat with her feet kicked back lounging lazily in her chair picking at her nails with one of her daggers. When Anders came in he sat down in his chair silently causing the dwarf to look up. The mage gave him a weak smile trying to keep his eyes open. After his argument with Valerie he hadn't gotten any sleep.

"Bad night, Blondie?" Varric lay Bianca carefully down on the table giving his friend a concerned stare.

Anders thought for a moment before he sighed and rested his head on the table. Hoping to get a little sleep before everyone else woke up and would prevent him any rest.

"Sleep well, Blondie." Varric whispered. For once Isabela let the man rest without uttering a single word to him. She was tired herself, it was still to early to be to much of a thorn in anyone's side.

As they waited for the other mage Varric and Isabela settled for playing a quiet game. Which didn't last long, the silence that is. Anders plugged his ears moaning painfully into the wooden table trying to block out their banter.

"There you are!" Varric eventually cried out like a ditched date. "We've been waiting all morning on you, and have I got some news for you." He put the deck of cards into his coat for safekeeping, and clapped his hands together motioning for Garrett to sit.

"What ever it is can wait, I'm sure. Have any of you seen Valerie?" Anders pulled a finger out of his ear and peaked out from under his arm.

"Kitten? No, not since last night."

Isabela's normally taunting grin slid from her face. "Why, what's wrong?"

Garrett rubbed at his chin for a moment. "She didn't come home last night." He looked to the two as they stared between themselves trying to figure out just what happened. "I was hoping she was here."

"Alright, let's think about this calmly. She was here last night, and then what?"

Anders' head slowly rose from the table and his face drained of all color going cold. "We went for a walk... and had..."

"Had what, Anders." Garrett turned in his seat ready to beat the information out of the other mage. Anders was ready to take the beating, but would give up the information with or without it.

"An argument... I said some things that upset her. And she left for High Town." He dropped his head shaking it and several locks of hair loose. "Dear maker, she couldn't have run away, could she?" He suddenly thought back to two years ago, when she had ran off to find that orb. There was no reason she should have gone anywhere but the Amell Estate; it wasn't a situation that should have caused her to run off.

"She isn't the type to run from her problems." Varric reassured as he leaned forward trying to rack his brain for any clue.

"Could Valerie have gone to stay with Fenris?" Isabela suggested and just after a familiar voice rejected the idea.

"I have not seen Valerie." The lyrium tattooed elf said as he came within ear shot and leaned on the table between Garrett and Anders. "Is something wrong? Where is she?"

Garrett stood from his seat. "I'm going to see if Merrill has seen her." Varric and Isabela stood from their chairs each saying respectively they were going to ask Carver and Aveline. The four left swiftly after they decided what they were going to do. Even if they were just being paranoid they had to check.

"What have you done..." Fenris accused using a very low and threatening tone. Anders started to say he hadn't done anything, but couldn't know if he was being truthful with himself. "I swear if any harm has come to her, you will die." The tattoos across his body began glowing, he restrained himself quickly thereafter, and stopped before he would rip the mage's heart out.

Fenris only restrained himself for Valerie's sake.

The former slave pushed himself away from the table to catch up with Garrett. Leaving Anders to do whatever he pleased.

Once he found the slightly less annoying mage and the other abomination he looked around expecting to see the human girl. She wasn't there.

"Oh, hello Fenris. I thought you didn't want to come to the Alienage." Merrill cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "Are you looking for Valerie too? My, I wonder where she ran off to... by the dread wolf, she isn't in trouble is she?" She grabbed onto Garrett's arm worry suddenly sinking in.

"She's fine, Merrill." He added an 'I hope' under his breath hoping she wouldn't hear and become distressful. Their was no way he could deal with a hysterical Merrill now. Quickly they set off toward High Town, running into Varric, Isabela and Aveline. No one had seen Valerie.

"It's to soon to be able to file a missing persons report... she could just be staying with a friend." Aveline sadly reported. "But I'll get someone to look it up. Maybe one of the guards saw her." She suggested quickly after taking one glance at the very angry looking Fenris. He wanted her found now, not in a week when she could be dead.

The red headed captain headed back to the barracks to call on the guards that patrolled the streets around the Amell Estate.

Isabela paced nervously ready to rip the head off the first guard that even looked like he were lying about seeing the girl.

Fenris' gaze jumped to the mage at fault as soon as he entered the barracks. Ready himself to finally rid everyone of his presence. Anders kept his head down avoiding the elf's glare, and stood behind Varric as though his height could hide him.

"It's alright, Blondie. We'll find her." Varric pat the mage on the arm and turned to Fenris. "Come on Elf, things have a way of turning out alright in the end." He smiled, but it was not returned by the elf. "She's going to be just fine." Whether or not he was reassuring Fenris and Anders or himself no one in the room could tell.

"A report just came in this morning." Aveline opened the door nearly sending Isabela to the ground who had been leaning on the door after she stopped pacing. Aveline and Isabela glared at one another, but swiftly remembered they had other worries than the two of them. "A young woman was seen being carried out of town late last night."

"And they didn't stop it!" Fenris jumped right into Aveline's face wholly blaming her for this entire incident. He had the sinking feeling that Valerie was in trouble, but how much so he didn't know.

"It would have been one against seven, now get out of my face." Aveline threatened in as low a voice as she could manage and pushed the elf back. He growled under his breath, barely able to suppress himself from glowing.

"Where did they take her, I'm going after them myself." Fenris said disgusted with the guard standing barely in view behind his captain. Fenris would have charged right in even if the numbers were off to save her, this guard was a coward and needed to be taught a lesson.

"If you don't settle down, I'm going to throw you in a cell!" Aveline threw an arm out pointing toward the stairs. She had other worries than the problems Fenris would cause. If he couldn't calm himself down and think rationally she would restrain him without a second thought. Even he wasn't stupid enough to attack her, or one of her guards in their stronghold.

She motioned for her guardsman to lead the way to where he last seen the woman being carried off before his shift ended. The group followed after him as he checked over his shoulder every few seconds, hoping to not end up with a dagger, arrow or sword in the back. From the looks he was getting from the men and women behind him, he knew it had to be a high possibility.

"They left this way." He stopped and pointed off down the alley way. The group passed by him without so much as a second glace. The guardsman collapsed to his knees thankful to have his life. He needed several stiff drinks after that.

"A dead end...?" Isabela said as she placed her hand against the stone wall.

"No." Garrett threw aside a stack of boxes and barrels revealing a hole small enough for a person to fit through. The group all peaked through the opening at the mountain range outside of the city. Instantly heading in that direction.

"Looks like they went this way." Varric said as he stood from studying several sets of footprints. They looked like they had been trying to hide them, but did a lousy job. Eventually though, they began to become harder to track until they vanished completely. The group searched the entire area, hoping that they could find anything.

What Fenris found let him know they were tracking Valerie. Laying forgotten was the little necklace she treasured most. The chain had been broken off at an angle, letting him know that it was ripped from her neck. She had tried to escape. He could just see it now, the scene playing out in his mind like a night terror.

He clinched the necklace in his fists before placing it gently in a bag at his side.

Not long later the group was stopped by a shout from above. It was the last thing Fenris wanted to deal with now. His former masters fools. He didn't waste a seconds hesitation before he ran straight up the hill, jumped over a rock and sent his hand straight through the man who mocked him, called him a slave.

The group was out numbered two to one, but in Fenris' fury he would have gladly taken them all out alone. Before they knew it the small force of slavers was wiped out. They relaxed for only a moment to catch their breath, save the still fuming Fenris. He was ready to kill anyone else who stood in his way.

Several yards away a lone survivor panted, crawling away from the carnage, hoping that he could somehow miraculously survive.

Fenris however heard the grunts and moans coming from the man, and stalked swiftly over to his sniveling form. He placed his foot into the other mans back causing him to scream in agony.

"Please, don't kill me!" The man begged fruitlessly for his own life. "I'll... I'll tell you anything. Just don't kill me!" He cried again as he face was slammed down into the ground. His nose broke with the force, blood gushing forth and pooling under his face as it was ground into the rock and dirt.

He was torn between finding Danarius and now his missing friend. It all seemed to convenient.

"Where has he taken her!" Fenris growled bent down and grabbed onto the back of the mans head slamming it into the ground again, uncaring if he knocked the man unconscious.

"I-it was Hadriana! We came here under her orders." He was slammed into to the ground for not giving the exact answers that Fenris was looking for. "She's in the Holding Caves, please I'll even guide you to her." Fenris released the man for a second, only enough time for the man to turn around to look at the elf. His face covered in a thick coat of blood and dirt, smeared with sweat and tears.

His vision met with the elfs feet, and a strange haunting glow. Fenris reached down in one fluid movement plunged his hand through the human mages body, and ripped his heart from his chest. The man violently convulsed as he watched the last fleeting images of his pathetic life vanish before his eyes.

"Hadriana..." Fenris spat her name out of his mouth as though the mere thought was rancid. Now he was even more furious than before. "I was a fool to think I was free!" He turned to face his companions, each of whom nearly backed away. Now they were after him again, he had gotten to comfortable in the fact that nothing had happened. And now to get to him they had taken the one thing he treasured most.

Because of him, now she was involved. He never should have let her come close to him. Her kindness toward him had only been repaid by getting kidnapped. Held ransom for his return to the wolf stalking him.

He had to hurry, there was no telling what Hadriana had done to her, what she could be doing or would do if he didn't show up. Fenris turned to head straight to the Holding Caves, but was knocked from his feet and slammed down to the ground.

Garrett had pined him down holding his arms down and placed a knee in the middle of the smaller males back. Fenris growled out in rage and betrayal ready to turn on the mage.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Garrett barked holding him easily from turning about and ripping him apart. He used a force spell to push him painfully against the ground. Fenris' vision wavered for a moment before he regained his senses. He stopped thrashing, and lay still. His mind clearing up from having the sense knocked back into him. Garrett stood releasing him from his hold, and let the elf stand to brush himself off.

"Thank you." He muttered knowing that it was just the other man's way of trying to help.

He still felt like he had been betrayed in a way, but knew that if he went to Hadriana as he was, it would only end with his death and possibly Valerie's.


	17. Black Rose

CHAPTER 17 : BLACK ROSE

They fought their way through Hadriana's minions. Leaving a trail of blood and death in their wake. Their way was pushed forward with each group of mages and awakened undead corpses. Demons were thrown in to the mix, they too were slaughtered by the group. They wanted their forcefully taken friend back, none more so than the former slave the slavers were trying to get back.

They came to a long hall, facing a closed door and Fenris unhesitatingly pushed it open. Inside hanging from the ceiling was a very familiar girl.

"Valerie!" Fenris shouted taking several steps into the room. The rope around her neck stopped him, as well as the other very familiar woman to him that stepped from behind her. Hadriana placed her hand on Valerie's back giving a little kick at the rickety stool she stood on.

"Hello, dear Fenris. So good of you to return..." Hadriana placed her foot on the stool lazily and watched the anger pass across Fenris' face.

"Let her go..."

The apprentice mage waggled a finger at Fenris and his companions. Forcing them to keep their distance. They heard the gagged whimper come from the blindfolded woman as Hadriana rocked the stool with her foot. Valerie tried to keep her balance on the wooden object as the rope threatened to tighten around her neck. Her bound hands and feet weren't helping matters. Neither was the blow to the head she had sustained, the blood had long since matted and dried her hair to her head.

"Under one condition, you come quietly, and send your friends away." She stood away from the chair only marginally and took her staff in hand. Several demons coming to stand at her call from the shadows.

Valerie called out hoping that her garbled noises could be understood. She didn't want them to take Fenris back, but she didn't want to die either. There was no way around it, it was either her or him. She could hear the loud clang of a heavy sword drop to the ground. And the voices of her friends all call out to Fenris not to do it, and others saying they needed to get her back at any cost.

Just like she had sacrificed a normal life to save Fenris, he was finally going to repay his debt.

"That's a good little slave..."

"I'm going quietly like you asked, now let the girl go. She's nothing to do with this."

Hadriana tapped her staff against the stone floor as she walked around Fenris, leaving two pride demons to guard over her bargaining chip. Hadriana placed her hand on Fenris' shoulder giving him a shove in the direction of the exit. A pair of mages came from the open door to bind Fenris' hands behind him with specially made restraints.

Fenris barely caught Valerie's mumble of 'don't do it!' He promised that he wouldn't go back to Danarius, but he couldn't let her die for him. It was the lesser of two evils. He would sacrifice himself, sparing her.

"Kill her." Hadriana stated with mild interest to the two demons. The mages at Fenris' sides had a hard time restraining the elf when he fought against them. Unable to free himself he saw the demons draw back their clawed hands.

"No!" He pulled against the mages as they drug him out of the room. Hadriana close behind smugly smiling to herself in triumph.

"You will not take her!" A booming voice called from the gawking group of Fenris' companions. Anders charged through in a blinding blue light, throwing several massive fireballs at the demons standing between him and Valerie. It stopped them long enough to turn their attention away from the human to the one possessed by a spirit.

From the shadows crawled several more demons, ranging from pride to rage. "Lets help him!" Varric shouted breaking the rest of the group from their stooper.

Anders nearly killed every demon all with a single massive wave of fire in his rage before he regained control over himself. He turned around to see Isabela cutting Valerie down, freeing her from the threat of the noose. He heard her gag and cough sputtering on the life giving air, but the only thing she was worried about infuriated him the most.

"Where's Fenris!" She ripped the blindfold from her eyes unable to spot him in the carnage. He wasn't the only one missing, Garrett was gone as well. "Fenris!" She choked out, trying to run from Isabela's crushing embrace. "You promised! You promised!" She sobbed.

…

To say I was a complete train wreck was a lie. I was heart broken. Fenris... was gone, just like that. Varric followed after the trail, but I hadn't seen him return. Isabela and Merrill walked me back to the Estate, practically dragging me along. The city came back into site, but what does it matter. It isn't home anymore.

The two stayed with me, trying to get me to talk, but I really don't feel like it.

"Buck up pet. It isn't your fault." Isabela pat my head like she were my mother, I don't want her, I want my real mother and Fenris. She gave an 'ouch' when I slapped her hand away. Merrill didn't do anything other than hold my hands sitting at my feet looking up at me with those big eyes of hers. But all I see are his staring at me. I couldn't cry no matter how hard I tried. I guess it's shock, or nothing entirely.

I heard a knock on the door; felt Isabela shift to see who it was, and saw Merrill turn her head. I vaguely recognized a huge smile break out across her face, and her eyes danced.

She bounced around giggling uncontrollably. "Oh look look look!" What ever Merrill...

"Oh pull your knickers out of your ass." Isabela said jabbing her finger into my side.

I finally turned ready to give her a first class meeting with my fist, she ducked backwards, and my eyes landed on a lanky elf. I jumped to my feet, my knees felt like they were going to drop out from under me, and my heart felt like it had just died. My blood ran icy cold.

"Let's go." Isabela and Merrill left the room closing the door behind them, and the elf walked farther into the room. It was to good to be true.

"I'm sorry you got involved. I should have paid closer attention." It was his voice, his face, his body, his everything. I couldn't move though for fear he might disappear. "I understand if you're angry with me. I'll leave you be." I felt my jaw tremble and I can't be sure if I can actually speak.

"Don't go." I whimpered pathetically. He stopped and I shuffled my feet along to stand before him. He turned around again releasing the door. I reached out placing my shaking hands on his cheeks. "Fenris. Fenris! I thought you were gone for good!" He was here, it was him it has to be real! Please don't let me be dreaming. I threw myself into his arms feeling his latch around me just as tightly.

"You're crying? Why?" He asked sounding unsure. I have to admit it hurt a little to hear that. I pulled back just enough to see his eyes. I locked my hands behind his head and pulled his face down to mine, I've never been so bold as to incite a kiss with anyone until this moment. But never have I felt this way about a man before.

I couldn't stop kissing him, I didn't care if I needed air. I just want him right now.

I've tried to hide behind a false barrier of sarcasm and nonchalance. Ever since I came here, it only became worse, but the threat of losing Fenris forever shattered it all. The thought of never seeing him smile again, to be on a leash like a dog for the rest of his life, it was to much.

He pulled away just far enough to rest his forehead against mine, letting me sputter and cry trying to catch my breath. Anything that came out of my mouth I'm sure couldn't be understood by anyone in any world. "Everything is fine now." He said pressing his lips against mine again.

"I thought I lost you." I was to afraid to release my strangle hold on his hair or even open my eyes. This could all still be a trick of my own mind. I'd rather stay here blissfully unaware, than to return to life here alone.

I could take it if he said he didn't care for me the way I cared for him. At least he would be there. I could take feeling invisible, just another human that bothered him with trivial matters. At least then I could still see him. I had always teased and flirted with him, at first it was just us being silly, but then over the years it turned to something more.

He didn't give me the impression that was the case though.

"And I thought I lost you." My eyes finally snapped open on their own, his face was fuzzy but it was there. He didn't vanish, it really was him. The next thing I became aware of was walking backwards, and falling onto the bed with Fenris on top of me. His lips crashing down on me again, much more forcefully than before.

My fingers numbly searched along his armor for buckles, or straps anything I could get a hold of. I just had to get all that heavy and pokey metal off of him. I guess he thought the same because his fingers kept knocking mine out of the way in little mock fights as he unbuckled the heavy breastplate and gauntlets. His shin guards came off sometime later clanking to the floor loudly across the room.

He nipped at my neck lightly, I could feel his smile on his lips when he pressed them to my neck. He slipped my belt and shirt off chucking them in a random direction pressing his lips to my chest sucking above my left breast. My heart hammered against my chest making him laugh and begin kissing up my neck and finding my lips again.

His hips grind against mine while his hands gripped my waist trying to hold me down from squirming.

I pulled at the waste of his pants trying to rid him of the annoying article of clothing. He brushed my hands away placing them back on his bare shoulders. I felt his hand slide down my arm to trace light patterns on my side and then stomach.

I swear I felt it flipping around nearly making me sick, but strangely enough it was a good feeling. I sat my fingers against his cheek, which in turn caused him to look up with sad eyes.

"Command me to stop, and I shall." He said as his eyes widened in terror. I felt my cheeks and neck heat up. I bit down on my lip shaking my head, I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want him to ever stop. I couldn't help the silly grin that spread across my face as his own expression relaxed. My smile widened when his own cheeks began to flare up.

He removed my torn skirt adding it to the pile followed by his pants and our undergarments. I tried to hide myself under him, but he just leaned back.

"You're truly beautiful." He leaned down pressing his lips to my freckle covered cheeks. "I... need to know something, I am an elf and a fugitive. I have nothing. Am I the one you truly want?"

"I don't want to be with anyone else." I touched his cheek lightly and swallowed roughly. "I... care about you, maybe even love." I looked away feeling embarrassed, I shouldn't have said that now I just look needy and clingy! "I just want to be with you."

He looked slightly shocked, but it faded quickly replaced by a serious expression. "Then I am yours." The way he spoke made it sound as though I was his master now. And instead of holding a leash, I held him by the heart. His own way of telling me how he felt.

I didn't have time to think on that to much, because he nudged my legs apart, and placed them around his waist. They latched on automatically, instinct taking over. I gripped at his wrist and neck as I felt him intrude on my innermost part. I panted feeling him delve just barely inside several times before he came to a full stop barely inside of me.

I felt his breath hitting my neck in frantic pants, and he shuttered several times. I only listened for a few seconds before my legs decided to have a mind of their own, lock around his butt, and push him the rest of the way in. Bad idea, that one hurt.

He broke out of his trance when I gave a yelp.

"I'm fine." I tried to laugh, but just ended up sounding like a fool. The pain dulled down after a moment until there was only a slight discomfort. When I rocked my hips against his he began doing as he naturally should. And oh boy did the fireworks begin to start.

I didn't think it could feel this good.

Sure we were fumbling around like a couple drunken seals, but it was _us _fumbling around like drunken seals. He kept going off in this weird little trance where he would slow down and nearly stop. All it took was a peck on the lips and he would come back to reality. When he finally stopped spacing out he picked up his pace nearly knocking me senseless. I chanted his name like a weird mantra trying to grab at him, the bed, anything to try and keep this feeling. My toes curled up digging into his calves only spurring him to make the feelings even stronger.

He rested his head against mine trying to catch his breath and keep up with his own pace at the same time. My legs felt numb suddenly either from being so tense or I was at that critical point during love making. I bet on the latter. My back arched pressing me as close as I could get to him, his arm snaked under pulling me even closer.

He moaned and grunted pressing his face against the underside of my chin. I could feel myself fluttering against him, and I tried to keep that sensation going. Then I felt warm inside and out. He trembled trying not to collapse on top of me taking in deep breaths.

After a minute or two, or a few hours I haven't the foggiest, he pulled out and slumped into the bed beside me.

"Wow..." I muttered sleepily as he pulled me back to him. I leaned against his chest, snuggling into its warmth feeling tired. I went into a blissful slumber, my smile never fading as I held onto my own personal angel. He had to be a reason why I was sent here. At least that's what I would like to think, God or the Maker had to have a hand in this, it was just to perfect...

At least that's what I thought while I slept.

_You were always where the sun could never go,_  
><em>I never wanted you to have to be alone<em>  
><em>But I couldn't find a way to help you grow,<em>  
><em>Black Rose.<em>

_You never tell me how you feel and your moods - they always change_  
><em>I really tried to make it real but you never had the faith<em>  
><em>I tried to give you something good to take the pain away<em>  
><em>I tried to make you understand - you don't have to be this way<em>

_I'm not the one who hurt you_  
><em>So why are you so scared<em>  
><em>(I couldn't save you) (You are who you are)<em>  
><em>All that you've been put through couldn't be repaired<em>  
><em>(I couldn't break through) (we're too far apart)<em>  
><em>I'm not the one who hurt, I'm the only one who cares<em>  
><em>(I couldn't save you) (You are who you are)<em>  
><em>You'll need someone to turn to<em>  
><em>And I will not be there<em>  
><em>(I couldn't save you)<em>

_Everytime I held you I knew that it would hurt_  
><em>Only through the pain I could find a way to learn<em>

_So wilt away couldn't bring you back to life _

**Black Rose -Trapt**


	18. Lessons Learned

CHAPTER 18: LESSONS LEARNED

I rolled around trying to find something in my sleep. It wasn't there, but it had been... My mind is to lazy to even figure out what. I know there was something; no it was someone. Fenris! I jerked awake as my hand stopped searching the empty space beside me. At first I thought I'd just dreamed he had came back, but he was standing there pacing the room.

I sat up pulling the blankets with me. "Did I do something wrong?" He sputtered on trying to figure out what to say, but his jumbled words didn't make much sense. I felt relieved though when he finally manged to get out that it wasn't what we'd done had been bad. He apparently enjoyed it quite well.

He let out a heavy sigh and looked like he was restraining himself from pacing around again. I don't like the looks of this.

"Was it the tattoos..." He was quick to say no to that one too. What's wrong with him, it's kind of scaring me...

He hung his head for a moment to gather his own thoughts before speaking, and he started pacing again. "It was... I began to remember my old life. It was just bits and pieces, flashes. It was to much, this is to fast... I can not do this..."

It slowly came back to me that I needed to breathe. I wanted to be like one of those creepy stalkerish girls and be, 'what ah you're so silly' and totally disregard anything he said. "Can't you let me help you?" He backed away shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, I feel like such a fool."

"Makes two of us." I tried to crack a forced smile bringing the blanket closer to me and trying to burn a hole into it with my eyes.

"All I wanted was to be happy, just for a little while. Forgive me." He backed farther away hanging his head and cast his eyes to the ground. I fell back down to the pillows as he left; nearly hitting my head against the headboard.

At first I was to shocked to say anything to stop him from leaving. I just lay there staring at the top of the bed with a blank expression.

I thought he wanted to be with me, apparently he just said that to get in my pants.

Anders, he had been right all along. I was the fool to think I could change Fenris, but I'm still stupid. I still care about him even after he so blatantly ended things before they even started.

When I couldn't be bothered not pissing and moaning over my own life I took trips with Garrett and Varric to the wounded coast collecting flowers of all things. Fenris just had to tag along with Anders keeping a close eye on him.

They never asked what my ipod was. They just tried to ignore it while I sat on a small bolder jamming out to my music. I was surprised it still worked at first. Thank god it did, I was beginning to forget the lyrics to my favorite songs.

It was kind of fun singing one song before switching it to another and it just be completely different tunes. The looks Garret would give.

Avenged Sevenfold had to be my favorite band of all time. Their music put me in such a good mood, or just go into a training fit. Whichever need struck first.

That's when the others learned I liked to sing when I was bored. I jumped off the rock and grabbed Anders by the wrist pulling him along behind me.

"I'm bored let's go." Not to mention tired and hungry.

"Wow, wonder who pissed her off?" I could barely hear Varric call to Garrett. Anders let me pull him along without restriction. I pulled the ear buds out of my ears and let them dangle from the top of my shirt. I could still hear the music buzzing from the ear pieces, but the words weren't comprehensible.

"Where are we going?"

"Hanged Man." I said bluntly and continued to pull him along behind me until he came to a stop.

"Kirkwall is this way." He smiled, and it pissed me off. He could have said something sooner. Jerk. I couldn't stay mad at him though, wasn't his fault I ran off like a loon.

"Lead the way then." I let his wrist go, and he took the lead turning around going back the way we had came. I saw Varric's head pop up from behind the tall grass, he waved, made some smart comment and laughed. He met the international peace sign again.

Once we got back to Kirkwall I was drained of all energy suddenly. I had to sit down and take a break. Anders placed a gentle hand on my back rubbing softly.

"Anders," He made a noise that he heard me. "I just wanted to say. I'm sorry. For yelling at you before." I fidgeted with my hands and nervously tapped my foot on the ground, bouncing me around a little. "You're my best friend, I shouldn't have gone off like that."

He smiled kindly and that stubborn lock of hair fell into his eyes. "You don't need to apologize."

"No, I do. You tried to warn me, but I didn't listen." I kicked my feet in favor of bouncing them against the ground. "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" I understood if he couldn't, after everything I said to him, that I didn't want to see him again.

"Nothing to forgive." I slapped his arm and he rubbed at it like it actually hurt. Making noises of pain. "Alright, alright I forgive you." He whimpered with a huge smile.

"'kay let's go!" I jumped up pulling him to his feet and heading to the tavern hoping to find the crazy lady who never would leave. She wasn't even there though, neither was Merrill.

Strangely enough though, Aveline was there. Sitting alone at our table. Anders and I sat down beginning to start a conversation with her, but it flew out the window. She looked like she wanted to talk, but was to nervous to begin any kind of communication.

Well this is awkward.

"Think I might go take a nap..." I muttered. I knew Varric wouldn't mind if I borrowed his room for a little while. He wouldn't be back for a few hours at least. Even then he would still let me go on my merry way.

"Are you feeling alright?" Anders asked before I made it to the stairs.

"Yeah, trip just wore me out." I yawned, boy am I tired...

He just nodded his head, and let me continue on my way. The couch I fell onto wasn't exactly back friendly material, but it was better than nothing.

I woke up awhile later to Varric shaking my shoulder. As I sat up a thin blanket fell off my shoulders and he laughed lightly. "You should head home, Kitten." I sat up and stretched spotting Garrett standing by the door.

_A few days later..._

"Lets try this one..." Isabela muttered dryly. Merrill and I followed behind her closely trying not to lose her in the crowd.

The market square was packed with people selling and buying all kinds of fancy objects. One side held all sorts of shiny trinkets, necklaces, rings and anything else to imagine. Another perfumes and others clothing and cloth.

I picked lazily at a dress, I can't be quite sure if I like it or not. The material is so soft to the touch, but the pattern looks a little off. The color is nice though... but it's to long. I held it up to my chin looking at the excess fabric fall to the carpeted ground. Then began ringing my hands in the cloth.

"Valerie?" Isabela asked, Merrill came to stand in front of me taking the dress from me as I cried.

"Oh what's wrong. Did you hurt yourself? Bang your knee? Stub a toe? That always hurts, I always bang my toes on the furniture at home... perhaps I shouldn't move it around so often when I clean..."

"No..." Isabela pinched the bridge of her nose, I can't be so sure why I'm so upset myself. "I don't know if I like the dress or not..." I wined. Since when did I do this, oh god that's making it worse.

Isabela grabbed the dress from Merrill and put it back with the others. And pushed both Merrill and me to another stall.

"Oh smell this, Merrill." I called to her chipper as can be. Vanilla is just the best smell out there. If only everything smelt like that, the world would be a much better place. Then again it would get pretty old I guess...

We finally left with our purchases, some actually bought... Isabela... I'm looking at you...

Once we made it back to the Estate we crashed in my room, looking through all of our new stuff. Isabela, once she had rid herself of her things, flopped onto my bed and kicked her boots off. Making herself perfectly at home.

I threw a pillow at her which she threw right back. I sat on the bed flopping back onto her stomach. Merrill jumped onto the bed bouncing us both.

"Isabela tell us about your trips at sea." I said and Merrill bounced around again eager to hear the pirate's tales of adventure. She told us of daring fights, and others that sounded oddly scandalous. Then again, who is it we're talking about here. Each time she tried to talk about her steamiest exploit I tried to get her to take the subject elsewhere. Merrill though, bless her heart, didn't quite get what was going on...

"Come on pet, what was your first time like." She pulled at my braid.

"We're not going there, Isabela." It still hurt to much. No matter how mad I was at him, I still can't really hate him, but I want to smash his head in with a rock someday's...

"Oh come now, was it toe curling or did you just lay there and take it?" I grabbed the nearest pillow smacking her in the head.

"I hate you, you know."

"Love you too pet."

Merrill looked between the two of us trying her best to follow the conversation.

"So was-"

"It was perfect alright!" God I can't believe I let her pester me into saying that! I covered my face up with the pillow giving a little scream into it. I was half tempted to try suffocating her with it, but she would just end up over powering me. Well if she was drunk enough... "You drive me to murder sometimes, you know that right?"

"You're learning from the best." I know she winked before she placed her hand on the pillow and put just enough pressure to hurt my nose a little.

When I was finally able to get free, Merrill gasp behind me causing me to look at her upside down. "Wait, I missed something dirty. Didn't I?" She made this silly little whine before Isabela took the pillow from me, and threw it at her.

"You'll learn soon enough."

"Don't you corrupt her too. Perverted old lady." I rolled off the bed, jumped to my feet as I placed my hands on my hips swaying them from side to side pretending I was Isabela.

"All wrong, little girl." She jumped to her feet pulling Merrill along with her. "Push your chest out, you've got it flaunt it!" She walked along just saying 'try me' with each step she took. I walked up to her, bumped my hip into hers and threw my nose up into the air raising one shoulder.

Merrill stood back dancing from one foot to the other. "I don't think I can walk like that..." She muttered picking at her nails.

"Pretend your knickers are riding up your ass." Isabela!

So that night was spent very productively, teaching Merrill to walk like a whore, cough Isabela.


	19. The Best Advice

CHAPTER 19: THE BEST ADVISE

Merrill left that night with a whole new view on life. I swear Isabela had to divulge on a bit more than necessary. After that night though I was completely wiped. I slept nearly until after noon, I probably would have slept longer, but Leandra woke me up saying that I shouldn't be sleeping so late. Something about it wasn't lady like.

I don't know I didn't really pay attention.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Varric entered Fenris' borrowed mansion as though he owned the place. He found Fenris leaning against the fire place watching the charred embers of an already long extinguished flame.

"Elf what's wrong, you seem broodier than usual." He took a seat in the chair resting Bianca in his lap. Fenris turned slightly staring at the shorter but hearty dwarf. "You and Kitten seem to have fallen on hard times. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I do not want to talk about it!" Fenris whorled around quick enough to give him whiplash. Varric though was not at all phased by his sudden mood swing. He just sat there with a neutral expression waiting on the elf to break. Soon the lanky elf began pacing running a hand through his hair.

"She's hiding it well, but it's obvious something happened after..." He let the incident of her capture trail off before he cleared his throat. "But that isn't what's wrong. Did something happen?" Fenris crossed his arms coming to a complete stop in the center of his room.

"Elf come on, that girl thought the world of you. Now she won't so much as look at you."

"Drop it." Fenris turned around pointing a menacing finger at the dwarf, of whom continued to be unphased by the elf's anger.

"I don't think you're getting off that easily. That's my girl out there, and if you've so much as said one word to her." He stood from the chair leaning Bianca against the arm. "You think you're the only one who's been hurt here? Elf, I like you, but this is where I draw the line."

Fenris clenched his fists nearly digging the metal claws into his already scared palms.

"She's not like us, and you know this." Varric's tone dropped to a deathly whisper. "What have you _done_."

Suddenly Fenris was unable to continue holding his anger toward Varric. All of his energy seemed to have drained from his body as he collapsed in the lounge chair. Varric waited impatiently for the answers to come from the other man who seemed to hide deeper into his own little world. "We...made..." He scratched absentmindedly at the back of his gauntleted hand, the action useless but seemed necessary.

It only took a second for the dwarf to put two and two together. Why the elf and human seemed to just completely stopped acknowledging the other. He was ready to kill the elf for hurting the woman, he only wanted them to be friends. He never meant for it to go that far, but apparently it had. He was now in no mood to make jokes, or try and lighten the mood.

"I ended things after that. It was to much to quickly." He glanced up at the dwarf, his eyes sad and regretful. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done." With those quiet words said even Varric's anger was swept from him, and he fell back into his chair with a huff. Now only slightly irritated with Fenris he pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head.

What a fine mess the elf had made.

"Elf you can't just do that." He took a deep breath. "She may not seem it, but she's still a woman, she's fragile."

"I know that." He defended slowly regaining the edge to his voice before it faded back to uncertainty. "It is better this way. She isn't in danger so long as she isn't attached to me."

"If this is about that Danarius mage, if he knows about her. He could still target her to get to you." Fenris looked back to Varric, he had obviously thought that through. Her being in danger because of him was only half of the problem though. He had already placed his personal issues above her. His memories haunted him, taunted being dangled before his eyes and no matter how he tried he couldn't remember.

"It would be less likely. I am through talking, leave." He stood from his chair and pointed Varric to the door. Adding to himself a 'and don't let the door hit you on the way out' type comment.

Varric stood from the chair taking Bianca with him. He turned before he left the room to give the elf one last bit of information. "You think you're lost and alone? Compared to her, you've got it easy." He began walking out and called over his shoulder. "You clean up your own mess. _I'm_ through."

x-x-x-x-x-x

Girls night out. More like, how much trouble could Isabela get us into before Aveline called the entire city guard down on us. I swear that woman can do some of the most reckless things, all for the simple thrill of it.

Even if it was as simple a task as buying a single apple. She wouldn't pay for it, she would rather steal the thing and run off with it, and a half dozen people chasing after her. It was probably a good thing she stayed in the Hanged Man for a majority of the time. Better that than let a loose unsupervised Isabela out on the streets.

Well at first I suggested to Aveline to come with us, but as soon as the older woman found out Isabela was going... things got ugly.

Ugly wasn't the half of it. Names were thrown, as was a half empty mug, and she left.

Isabela was just as smug as can be after too. Merrill and I just sat at our seats looked at each other and were glad we weren't Aveline.

Late into the night she decided it was a smart idea to take us to the Blooming Rose. If anything just to laugh at the craziness going on inside.

"Look at that one." She leaned over not bothering to lower her voice as she pointed to a really creepy looking guy. She snorted causing Merrill to laugh with her. "See kittens, this is what I mean by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome."

She snorted on her own joke and slapped the table laughing loudly. The guy had heard her mocking him for the last twenty minutes, how he lasted so long I'll never know, and walked up to our table.

"Would you care to repeat that?" He asked with this oddly french sounding accent. Although it sounded more so like he was having trouble breathing through his nose than anything.

"What, are your ears as broken as your voice? Poor dear." She shrugged her shoulders rocking in her seat with that smirk.

"Why you!"

"Hey, doll mind letting me borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday."

Oh was he mad. I wish we had known that he had several heavily armed men standing by just outside, and within ear shot. Then maybe Isabela wouldn't have... no she still would have. Even though we're being chased by a bunch of men with several pointy objects we're all laughing hysterically.

Not a one of them could keep up in their heavy armor. We easily lost them into the city through narrow back streets. We made it back to the Hanged Man gasping and laughing trying to catch our breath all at once. Not a one of could stop laughing long enough to breathe, talk or even think coherently.

Most ordinary people would have lived and learned long ago not to do stupid shit like that.

Isabela just lived.

And that was one thing she was damned proud of, and would never change for anyone. Life's to short to watch it pass from behind a desk. Or even from the passenger side window. You let life run you.

Or you could get out and run it yourself.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass after all, it's learning to dance in the rain. It took a crazy, insane pirate queen to teach me that.


	20. A Tiny Case of Whoopsie

CHAPTER 20: A TINY CASE OF WHOOPSIE

Three days ago I had taken to keeping a small basin in my room beside my bed. I got food poisoning after eating what little food I scarfed down before getting chased half way across Kirkwall. I slept fine during the night, but as soon as I woke up I was sick.

Leandra came in during one of my bouts of sickness to wake me up, but found me instead holding the metal basin emptying my stomach out into it. I felt horrible, but a little while after it was like nothing was wrong.

She brought me a bowl of soup up and some kind of juice.

"Thanks." I took the cup from her and downed the entire thing at once. Trying to get that nasty aftertaste out of my mouth as soon as possible. What I wouldn't give for a toothbrush and some toothpaste. She sat beside me rubbing my back for a few minutes before she left to do what ever it is she does during the day when 'us children' are out.

She left the door open, and in Feng came.

"Hey buddy!" I called and he jumped up on the bed. I sat my bowl and cup on the nightstand beside the bed so he didn't knock them over. His nubby tail wagged, which only made it look like he was shaking his rear. He leaned up licking my cheek and gave a bark. It was to bad I couldn't understand him anymore. At least though he seemed to know what I said. "Want to go out for a bit?" He jumped over me and off the bed. Feng barked hunkering down, his tail still wagging uncontrollably. I threw on my clothes quickly and Feng pranced around me all the way down the hall.

Garrett hadn't been taking him out lately, and the big dog needed his exercise. On the way out I grabbed a basket hooking it around my elbow. I took Feng out to the market, it wasn't crowded this early, but there were still a lot of people.

One good thing about having a giant Mabari war hound walking with you, no one messed with you. The venders didn't even think about ripping you off either. So for the most of the morning Feng walked with me from stall to stall picking out food and supplies.

Leandra hadn't asked me per-say to do it, but I'm a grown woman I can take the incentive to do it. I don't need to be asked.

My stomach growled sounding very upset. "Oh hush." I looked down talking to myself, my stomach responded by fluttering around. I rolled my eyes, I've clearly gone insane. Feng gave a little whine tilting his head to the side, and bumped it into my hip. Those big brown eyes of his looking concerned.

I dug through my basket blindly and pulled out a carrot. Ugh, nasty. So I ate it.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman in a blue bandana, and skimpy outfit. "What cha needin' tush?" I stuck the end of the carrot in my mouth like a cigar trying not to smile. Feng gave a bark of his own greeting as the woman approached us.

"Darling, it's nothing you can give." She winked making me roll my eyes, even Feng beside me tilted his head giving another whine. "I heard you were still sick?" She asked as we walked away from the market back up toward the Estate.

"Garrett's just exaggerating." I shrugged my shoulders. Ever since he let me move in with his mother he began to change slowly. He still had a temper, but it was better under control. I guess after losing his brother like that he decided it was a good idea to rethink his lifestyle.

"You look like the walking dead." She stated bluntly. She stopped us just inside the Estate taking the basket from me. "Are you sure you're alright."

Sure I've been tired a lot more lately, but that was all thanks to having Isabela running me all over Kirkwall several times over. She gave me an incredulous glare sitting the basket on the table beside Bodhan's things.

"What about your appetite? You hate vegetables..." So what I ate one carrot, I was starving I didn't finish my soup. Not that would have held over for to long. And it's mostly boiled vegetables that I can't stand, to mushy and slimy for my liking.

"Tastes change." I shrugged. What's up with her questioning all of a sudden... Kind of rude, not to mention annoying.

"You're... not depressed are you?" She watched me through narrow eyes, and I could only sigh.

I've been through this a million times with the woman already. "I told you, I'm fine. I'm not sick and I'm certainly not depressed."

She placed a hand on her hip jutting it out giving me 'that look'. She poked at my stomach. "Well what about this, you've gotten something flabby." I slapped her hand away. How dare she! "We're going to see Anders." So what if I've gained a little weight! We can't all be running around chasing bad guys everyday like her to stay fit.

"For what? I'm not bothering him because I'm a little tired." She wouldn't have it, and all but drug me out of the house. Feng followed behind us unsure if he should do anything other than follow. People stared at us as we passed by all the way down to Dark Town. The soft glow of the lantern beside Anders' clinic came into view in the dim fog, the doors closed physically but were always open to those in need.

There were people who needed attention over me. People who's lives were hanging in the balance.

"Anders, come here I need you to check something out." She called throwing the door open, nearly scaring the life from an elf who had been sitting near the door. She blatantly ignored him as she pulled me along inside. I only had time to flash him a 'sorry' look, while he glared after us patting his chest.

"Isabela, not this again. I have patents who _need_ healing." He motioned to the three men behind him. They looked like they had been through hell with all the blood on their clothes.

Isabela just smacked her lips. "Not for me sweet-thing. For Valerie." She pushed me in front of her resting her arm on my shoulder.

It caught Anders' attention at once. "Don't worry, I'm fine she's just being an obnoxious prick." I growled out into her ear, but it apparently had spontaneously gone deaf at that moment.

Anders' forehead crinkled up as his eyebrows drew together. He couldn't be sure what to think on what was going on. Isabela left my side to go to Anders, and when she leaned forward to whisper something in his ear he blanched.

"You can't be serious." He looked like he wanted to knock her silly, sorry I call first dibs on that one.

"Look for yourself. It is what you do for a living." She shrugged her arms widely and swept them toward me. I started to retort to both of them, whatever they're doing is pointless. Nothing's wrong why be making such a big fuss.

"Here sit down." He was gentle leading me to an empty cot making me sit. He knelt at my knees, placed his hands on my temples and closed his eyes. I was blinded by a blue glow from his hands and as they traveled over my body I could only watch his face contort in concentration.

Suddenly he jerked his hands away and stood up backing away.

"Anders?" What was wrong with him? I've seen him handle people with injuries that could make any normal person faint. What would cause him...

He pulled at his robe like he had suddenly gotten to warm and cleared his throat. He pulled up a stool placing his hands over my own. "Valerie, why do you think you've been feeling strange lately?" He whispered so only I could hear.

I shrugged. "Food poisoning?" He shook his head muttering a 'think harder'. I rubbed at my stomach again, that stupid fluttering had returned. Then I realized what I was doing, my eyes snapped up to his.

Why I was so tired all of the time, my increased appetite and mood swings. I'm...

" pregnant..." I muttered and Anders barely gave a nod of his head as confirmation.

Anders stood from the stool only to sit beside me pulling me in close. My heart jumped into my throat, it couldn't be happening but it was. Isabela bit her lip giving me a look like even she didn't know what to do. He leaned down practically hiding the world from my view. "Do you know who the father is?"

Sadly, yes I do. "Mhm..." I bit down on my lip. Leave it to that ass, even if he wasn't there he found a way to piss me off.

"Who?" Anders whispered even quieter than before.

"Doesn't matter, he's not here anymore." I can't be sure if I want to be mad or sad. He was right there, but had made it obvious he didn't want to continue. Forcing a kid on him wouldn't make things any better. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone like Anders, harmless and sweet. Who would never leave me alone.

Why did I have to let my heart get swept away by a man from another world. Someone who wasn't even human. I should have never let myself be taken by him. Look where it's gotten me. What a mess.

Anders and I stood up he pulled me into a tight hug. "If you ever need me, I'll be there." He whispered kissing my hair line. I felt the stubble of his beard scratch along my forehead as he looked to Isabela behind us. She gave a heavy sigh as he clutched closer at me.

His strength gave me enough courage to face my situation. At least for the moment. Until it could truly sink in at a later time. When I would wake up and realize, I'm going to be a mother. Ready or not.

Isabela walked me silently back to the Estate, and I made her promise not to say anything to anyone right now. The only way I could actually get her to swear on it was to tell her the name of the father. She looked at me like she knew already, and she cracked her knuckles.

"Isabela..." I groaned.

"Oh buck up, I won't kill him. Severely injure maybe..." She sat down beside me on the bed. "I won't say anything. For now at least, but you can't hide this forever."

I know that.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Once Isabela left she headed straight for the elf's mansion. None to keen to make her deal not to kill, but just severely injure the elf in mind. He was there as he had been for the last few years.

He looked up from his book only to end up with with a fist in his face. He and the chair toppled over backwards into the floor. Fenris jumped up from the turned over chair reaching for his sword. He knew it wouldn't be long before someone in the group tried to kill him. He was a bit surprised it wasn't going to be one of the mages.

"I warn you now," Isabela growled. "hurt her again, I swear I will kill you."

Great, it was more of her protectors coming to harp on him for what he had done. He wiped the blood from his chin glaring at her from under his bangs. Varric had been stern only in voice, but Isabela was ready to carry out her promise. Just how many more of her friends did she plan on telling he'd beded her and then left.

Isabela left the crumbling building as quickly as she had came. And left Fenris to stew in a whole new pot of shit he had worked up. This one he had no true idea what the unprovoked attack was behind.


	21. Hesitate

CHAPTER 21: HESITATE

"Isabela!" There was no answer from Valerie's call. The woman huffed and tried to fix the dress on her own before yelling around the corner for the pirate woman. She tapped an impatient foot crossing her arms. She threw her head back and groaned trying to hold her dress closed.

She silently cursed Garrett's mother for deciding to throw a random party at this point in time. The dress she had been given would have fit a few months ago, before she found out that she carried the bastard child of a certain elf.

Valerie uncrossed her arms and placed a hand on her swelling stomach. She turned and looked in the mirror across from her. It wasn't to noticeable, but it was there. She studied her reflection intently until another figured stepped in behind her. "About time, I've been calling you for five minutes."

Isabela waved her hand blowing the statement off. Valerie lowered her arms and her shoulders slumped as she looked to her friend in disgust. The pirate woman gave an impish grin and turned the smaller woman around.

"Wow, how big have those things gotten? Looks to me like the lace is about to rip open, spilling out such a-." Isabela stopped her rant mid-sentence at the growl from the smaller woman. Then gave a low chuckle with eyes full of building mirth.

Valerie looked over her shoulder muttering. "No shit, why do you think I was calling you." She turned again to see the pirate break into a grin. With a light tug she miraculously managed to tie off the end sloppily. Isabela looked over her work tilting her head side to side placing a finger to her chin.

Valerie rolled her eyes suppressing another groan. There was no way the other woman was thinking that hard. Without the pirates say so, Valerie walked away to find her favorite ribbon to tie her hair back. Isabela flopped into the nearest chair mumbling the entire time about her being such a prude while pregnant.

"What are you looking for?" She asked as the prude in question had taken to taring her room apart. Her answer didn't come back immediately causing her eyebrows to vanish under her bandana.

Valerie huffed and began throwing back the covers of her bed and picking up the pillows. Those too were thrown in a random direction until all of them lay scattered on the floor. Valerie stood with her hands on her hips biting her lip trying to figure out where her ribbon was. Isabela watched with a light grin as the younger woman paced around her room looking frantically for something.

Once she finally gave up Valerie dug through her dresser again finding a smaller band to hold her hair out of the way. "Aren't you going to change?" She asked sitting on the edge of her bed. Isabela didn't answer and just shrugged a shoulder. If she felt like it she would, otherwise she would just go as is.

After what felt like forever, the two women dispersed to go downstairs in their own time. Valerie peeked over the edge of the stairs to see the many people who had decided to show up. Some she recognised as being neighbours, others she didn't and she could see the tops of the people's heads she'd become friends with over the last few years.

She leaned on the railing listening to the sounds of the violin and piano playing off somewhere she couldn't see before a gentle voice spoke up.

"It would be a shame if such a beautiful lady went without escort." Valerie snorted as she looked to Anders. "I was being serious." He pouted trying his hardest not to smile. She just shook her head as he offered his arm.

"Everyone's here huh?" They reached the bottom of the stairs before Anders nodded his head in confirmation. Garrett had obviously not wanted to be here, and so invited all of his friends to 'save' him.

"Garrett's furious, but he's hiding it well." Anders gave a little chuckle hoping not to be heard by the man in question. They looked around the big room to finally spot the mother and son standing some ways off talking to a pair neither could recognize. From the looks of things it was a father and daughter.

"Wonder how long before his head explodes?" She bit her lip trying not to break out into laughter at the site. He was holding it back fairly well, for him, and not turning red in the face with anger. From his stance though he just looked absolutely bored and irritated. He didn't need his mother to fix him up a marriage. She was persistent in her escapade, and wouldn't take no as an answer for her party.

He didn't need some pretty dolled up noble girl to stand by him batting her pretty little eyelashes, and speaking with a meek little voice. Everyone knew he would never go for some rich mans little girl. His life was much to hectic to allow a dainty little wallflower to stand by him and pass out at the first sight of blood.

The two looked to each other and couldn't help but burst out into laughter. Anders drug the two of them off to the side before the other mage could catch them laughing at his expense. It took several minutes before either could catch their breath enough to stop. Valerie coughed lightly wiping away the tears from her eyes. A few people standing near by gave the pair strange looks and walked off. In turn causing them to break out into a whole new fit of chuckles.

"What are we laughing for?" Anders asked trying to calm himself down. The dark part of his mind berating him for losing his focus.

Valerie shook her head clearing her throat. "I don't know." From the other end of the house they could hear Garrett's voice booming over the loud crowd. It got quiet long enough for them to hear Leandra's voice, smaller, but reprehending him for shouting. "Shit busted." Valerie snorted giving Anders a little shove.

"You're going to make me face him alone?" Valerie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"He did call for just you... well scream..." She added quietly.

Anders took in a deep breath and began walking away. "No matter. I shall take the full force of his wrath." He turned around before he disappeared into the crowd. "If I don't make it back in ten minutes... send for Varric."

"Oh just go you big coward." She shooed him off leaning against the wall. She pulled her shawl up over her shoulders as she left the warm people packed room and stood on the surprisingly empty balcony. In the distance she could see the flickering of lights in other buildings. They all had to be empty save for servants. The entire population of High Town felt like it had managed to sardine itself into the Estate.

The light murmurs of the people inside filtered out into the night, and the music danced a tone under them. She closed her eyes trying to tune out the voices and just hear the music. Only when she could hear the sound of foot steps did she reopen her eyes and was bombarded with the previously ignored sounds did she turn.

She was ready to return inside, but when the other person stopped so did she. Both herself and Fenris stared at the other ready to bolt in the other direction. Fenris was first to recollect himself and clear his throat. He shifted around on his bare feet and stood some distance from Valerie. She just stared at him mildly becoming peeved.

She leaned back on the balcony, she didn't have to leave just because he was here. She had gotten there first after all. The fact though that he had nothing at all to say began grating even farther on her nerves.

"You look well." She almost had missed his statement.

Turning she gave him a dumbfounded. "Huh?" Fenris didn't respond, he knew she had heard him or at least got the basic of what he'd said.

x-x-x-x-x-x

I'm not sure exactly what I feel right now. I can't figure out what emotion to throw at him, and yet can't help but feel content that he's standing just a few feet away.

I opened my mouth several times, but nothing came out. After what felt like hours of mumbling over my own sentence I finally managed to get started. "Theres... something I need to say." I tried to hold my head up, but I could only look away. Why the hell am I so ashamed? It's not like it was entirely my fault to begin with, was it?

I don't know anymore...

He needed to at least know of the child I carried inside of me. One of my hands rubbed nervously over the cloth covering my stomach. Suppressing another groan I tried to take a deep breath, hopefully to calm myself. It didn't help. He waited quietly standing in his spot, I know his eyes are trained on me waiting for me to spill forth possibly the biggest secret I've ever held.

I can feel them just boring into my head, pressuring me to sputter out what I needed to say. He had a right to know.

"Is this about..." He cleared his throat and shuffled around on his feet. He only stopped to tap his bare hands against the cool stone of the balcony. I picked at it myself trying to figure out just where to begin. "It is, isn't it?"

I blew out a loud and rather unladylike 'piff', and hung my head. "I think I've gone over this a million times with myself. I'm not... I can't... I don't know."

"I do not understand?"

I clenched my teeth, why was I being such a coward. Probably because I don't know how he's going to react, or because I don't know how I will react to his reaction. Dear God my head hurts so badly. I just wish all these people would leave already. Haven't they been here long enough, Ugh!

"I guess I'm just scared." I somehow managed to give a nonchalant shrug as I whispered that out. A part of me wished that he would take me into his arms again, hold me close and tell me he was truly sorry, that he would never leave me again. Another wanted him to just leave and stay gone, that he couldn't be trusted.

He would only end up breaking my heart again.

"Know what, never mind. I'm just... being stupid." My voice cracked as I sobbed out that short sentence. Damn hormones are driving me crazy. Reality is such a bitch sometimes.

Reality comes, and when it does it crashes down around you like nothing you've ever seen or felt before. There was nothing I could do to get out of this situation, I'm stuck in this place for the rest of my life. There's no hope of getting back to my world, way of life; my family.

I screw my eyes shut hunching over trying to keep my stomach where it needs to be. I know everyday wouldn't be like this, but the hurt is here now. And in this moment, it's more I can take. I would give up everything for this pain to be taken away.

Fenris moved to stand closer, placing his arm around my shoulders. The movement was reluctant but his grip was strong. My heart felt empty like my mind for a few seconds. He gave a slightly muffled sound of surprise when I shrugged my shoulder from his hand.

I backed away toward the doorway. No matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't let myself.

Time felt strange, the sounds from the party were so distorted in my ears I couldn't make out what was going on. Fenris' hand was still held out in front of him as my own touched the edge of the open door.

I ran.

From him, myself. From life.

_**That I see you, but I can't feel you anymore - so go away  
>I need you, but I can't need you anymore - you hesitate<br>Cuz I see you, but I can't feel you anymore - so go away  
>I need you, but I can't need you anymore - you hesitate - hesitate<strong>_

_**You were my fire, so I burned... now there's nothing left of me...**_

**Hesitate- Stone Sour**

**x-x-x-x-x-x**

**~Extra~**

"Valerie, this is Sebastian Vael." Garrett said with a tilt of his head. The man behind him fidgeted with the strap of his quiver as he glanced around the room feeling uncomfortable. He jumped slightly to attention upon hearing his name and cleared his throat.

"My lady it is an honour to finally meet you." He gave a slight bow.

Valerie quirked an eyebrow up at the man, even in this world he seemed much more of the chivalrous knight. Even down to the way he dressed; She took a quick glance at the face on his armor and suppressed a chuckle, well at least he did for the most part.

"Hey." She gave a half hearted wave causing the prince to feel even more awkward. "So how long have you known Garrett?"

"We've met a few times over the last two years." He stepped out of the way of an elf carrying a heavy tray of food and drinks.

"I see."

"Kitten, wrap it up. You don't want to keep everyone waiting now do you?" Varric winked giving her a nudge from behind with something other than Bianca in his hands.

"Oh right, well good to meet you." The room suddenly began to fill with music from a piano. Varric wandered off to join the person playing and joined in plucking on the strings of his own instrument. All that they missed by this point were the vocals.

"I would like to talk with you again later." He gave another slight bow of his head and joined Garrett at the same table with Anders, Isabela and Merrill.

As soon as Valerie reached the stage and opened her mouth a loud hoot and whistle came from in the crowd. She shook her head watching Garrett forcefully shove the now standing Isabela back into her seat. Merrill bounced in her own seat clapping her hands in front of her face quickly as she squirmed around.

"Oh so exciting!" She chirped happily and causing Garrett to slump back into his chair covering what wasn't hidden of his mouth with a hand resting his arms against the arm rests of the chair. After the brief interruption Valerie started once more.

Fenris pushed the door open to the Blooming Rose keeping himself hidden behind the lavishly decorated wood. He picked his way through the people left standing to hide himself behind a column. If it hadn't been for Merrill just the day before excitedly chirping on about this he never would have thought to come at this time and place. Apparently he wasn't invited.

He rubbed at the blue ribbon wrapped around his wrist and looked down at the piece of cloth. He remembered taking it without asking, it was only on a whim that he picked up the fabric and stuffed it into his armor.

At one point after a few songs they began to change from sad and slow to something completely different. That caused him to break his stare with the ribbon to look around the room. He found the tables with the group sitting close together by where Valerie sang. The difference in her tone and even the words uttered from her lips caused people to look between each other and shrug silently as they listened.

The man on the piano stuttered for a moment trying to keep up with the strange tempo, but Varric kept up without falter once. It was obvious he had practised more before hand than the other person. He looked away again at the floor past his now folded arms as the music slowed back down to a less strange beat.

He tapped a finger against his arm mumbling over words quietly to himself before he began to pace in the shadows. "Valerie, I'm sorry for what I had done, please forgive me..." He growled under his breath trying to keep his voice down so he could hopefully remain undetected. "No that will not work."

"What are you doing here..." Fenris turned to see Anders standing behind him. How long he had been there Fenris couldn't be sure. Both men glared at each other before Anders spoke again. "I think it's time you left." He decided to leave off the portion where Fenris wasn't invited. "Just go before anyone else sees you."

"I only came to see how she was doing. Nothing more." He couldn't be sure if he was even going to try to approach her again or not. After seeing the hollow look in her eyes just a few nights before he didn't think he could work up the nerve to try to speak to her again. Both men suddenly turned their attention back to the woman in question, Isabela had jumped on stage beside her and began to dance seductively to the music in a very off way. The pirate reached forward and pulled Merrill onto the stage with them, the mage just stood there not understanding what she should be doing.

Some people chuckled to themselves while others gave whistles and shouts to the pirate as she resumed her dancing. Apparently she was about to turn it into another show entirely if Garrett and Sebastian hadn't pulled her back into her seat. Merrill jumped back down trying to hide her reddening face from everyone behind her scarf as she sat back down.

After Garrett glared at Isabela he turned a much softer look to Merrill and tried to smile through his annoyance. The woman just continued to blush and look at her toes.

When Anders turned back he found the elf warrior gone. He glanced around the room trying to find where he had vanished to, but couldn't find him anywhere.

"How about a round of applause for this talented lady!" Anders turned back as Varric shouted next to an out of breath singer. With a slight smile Anders walked over and picked Valerie up off the stage giving her a hug. She laughed as people began clapping and demanding just one more song.

"You did great." Anders pulled away to give her room to breathe.

"I haven't done that in ages." He ruffled her hair and released her as Merrill came to take his place, and he looked up at the doors. People began crowding around Valerie making loud chatter, trying to talk over each other. It was only a momentary glance that Anders caught of Fenris, and his cast down eyes. Other than Anders himself no one noticed the lonely elf open the door, and start to turn his head but only shake it and leave quietly the same way he came.

For that moment he felt pity for Fenris. In the back of his mind he thought, maybe he had him figured out all wrong. He knew that even though they were so different, they were so alike in their loneliness.

Anders wondered what it would have been like if he at least tried to be a friend to the elf.


	22. Solona

CHAPTER 22: SOLONA

Garrett came to a stop crouching down behind two boulders, of which had a gigantic tree growing between them. He drug the back of his gloved hand across his forehead and took a look around the tree. He held a hand out telling his group to keep still. There was nothing in his sight to tell him the quarry he was tracking was near by. He relaxed only for a moment and resumed following the footprints dug out in the loose mud.

The mage had ran through not long before slinging mud in all directions in haste.

"We shouldn't be doing this! We're hunting down one of our own. How can you turn another mage into those inhumane barbarians!?" Anders was none to quiet, voicing his opinion highly and not backing down once Garrett turned to face him. Anders refused to step down as he usually did when the man gave him that look. He wouldn't be afraid for just this one moment.

"You think I like doing this?" He folded his arms across his chest looking Anders directly in the eye, one of the few that could, and waited for the other man to protest against him again. When he didn't Garrett continued on. He turned again to continue tracking the apostate.

Fenris and Varric followed behind him leaving Anders to continue or leave. He followed behind silent but incontinent. Keeping his opinions to himself for just a moment longer.

When the mage-Warden finally caught up to the small group they had found the apostate. He cowered in fear barely able to hold onto his warn makeshift staff, with a weapon that was no more than a random stick he picked off the ground in his haste he trembled holding it out.

"I-I'm warning you, don't come any closer!" His voice shook as he took a step to the side nearly sliding down into the mud as he went. Garrett sighed and held his hands out to seem less threatening, but it just made the large man seem even larger in the frightened mages eyes.

"Look I won't hurt you." The apostate shook his head and slipped again as he tried to find a way to escape.

Fenris groaned loudly shaking his head, there was no use trying to talk the mage down. He was afraid and on the verge of attacking.

"I don't believe you! You're just trying to trick me. To take me back to the circle!"

"Don't make me force my hand boy, you can be calm and leave here unharmed or fight back. I warn you now I am not in the mood for games." Varric rubbed at the bridge of his nose, so much for trying to keep the kid from fearing them even more. Now he had a reason to worry with that threat out.

"We don't want to take you back, it wasn't our first choice."

The mage turned his frightened eyes down to Varric for only a second. For that moment it seemed as if he were going to listen, but his flight instinct began to kick in once more. "No I won't go back!" These were heavily armed men. He had no reason to trust them.

He held his head as he mumbled to himself. Garrett narrowed his eyes feeling a shift in magic around the boy's body. "Don't make me warn you again!" He barked taking his staff. The apostate gave a scream and ran. He slipped at first on the slick mud before gaining his feet and the group ran after him.

He once more slid to a stop against an outcropping of stone. There was nowhere to run any longer. He turned pressing his back into the jagged stone. The four men circled around him blocking his only escape. Sweat poured down his face, he knew that his fate was sealed; these men were going to take him back to that awful Circle. He would be turned Tranquil for certain if they got him.

One last time Garrett tried to reason with him. "You need to go back to the Circle, it's not safe for you here."

"I will never go back!" He pulled a crude hand made dagger from his robes. Anders and Garrett looked to each other knowing what was about to happen. Anders heart fell as the mage gave a blood curling scream as the dagger drove into his flesh.

The group brought their arms over their eyes as the runaway mage's body began glowing. It lit the dark area up in a fiery burst of heat and light. Garrett did want to help the young mage, he never wanted this to happen but it had. Forcing his own hand he had forced the frightened boys into a place where he could no longer be saved.

As they lowered their arms there was no longer a human standing trapped.

Now possessed by a demon of Rage the once human gave a bellow summoning demons to his aid. Garrett's group was surrounded on all sides. They pulled their weapons to the ready, waiting for the moment to inevitably come.

"_You thought you could keep this mage prisoner, now feel his agony..." _Came the ethereal voice of the demon. It floated through the swampy forest barely above a whisper over the growls of it's fellow demons. It's hulking form charged forward, leaving a trail of cinders in it's wake, and burning a path in the dense muck.

Calmly Garrett lifted a hand to his forehead, and gripped his staff tightly in the other hand. Releasing a long breath he tensed up as the small band of demons closed in. With a low grunt he caused a wave of energy to be released. Varric jumped back giving a curse and checking his coat for mud that had been flung by the blast meant for sending the demons backwards.

Fenris, without waiting for the demons to regain their senses, charged in flaring up brightly slicing through demon after demon. Varric continued to mutter how 'Hawke owed him a new coat, and Bianca had better not have mud in her gears.', and gave the elf cover fire from his position.

Garrett replied idly to the dwarf. "You know I'm good for it."

Standing on the sidelines Anders watched the exchange. Did they not care about what just happened? Was this all just some job to them, did that poor boy not even matter at all. His life was just some game now that they could take without looking back.

It made him sick.

When the demon finally fell in a pile of blood and gore, he looked up at Fenris through rage filled eyes. A gurgled and strangled growl escaped only to be cut short by Fenris' gigantic sword. The elf gave his weapon a twist, causing bones to loudly crack as they were broken, and pulled it free from it's temporary sheath as the demon disintegrated into a pile of mush. He turned his back thoughtlessly as the former human's possessed body merged with the swamp; no one ever to even know what had happened, no one to ever know that a human had died there. No one but the four that had caused his untimely death.

The three that had fought began heading back to Kirkwall, Garrett only stopped to give Anders a look when the other man hadn't followed.

"We're done here, let's move on." The dark haired mage rested his staff on his shoulder as he resumed his pace.

Flashing an angry shade of electric blue Anders drove Justice back for a moment, and kept his anger his own. "This is just some game to you, isn't it!? Some job, you care nothing for your fellow mages, or our plight!" Garrett stopped turning his head slightly, but not enough to see the other mage from.

"The Circle is a better solution than what just happened here. He obviously couldn't control himself, why do you think we need the circle."

"Not all mages want to become demons." Anders threw his arms out fighting back the cracks of blue forming across his skin.

Garrett simply began to walk on, catching up once again to his other team mates. "No. But fear can corrupt even the purest soul."

"As much as I hate to agree, Hawke is right." Fenris crossed his arms against his chest daring Anders to retort again. Varric sighed from his side, choosing not to take sides among his friends. It wasn't like they would consider his own view.

X-x-x-x-x-X

Feng trotted close in front of me as I walked around Low Town. After a day with Isabela and Merrill I was all 'girl timed' out. There was nothing more than I'd rather do right now than spar with someone, but considering my situation I can't.

It was a nice day out, the sun was warm and the air free of the thick fog that usually hung over the city.

"Wait, Feng!" The big war dog suddenly gave a bark and charged through the crowd. People jumped out of his way as he nearly knocked people over in his haste. I half waddled, half ran after him easily making my way around people still picking themselves up off the street.

Several people grumbled and gave crude remarks about being human bowling pins, or at least something to that effect.

I finally caught up to the crazy mutt when he sat down in front of a man. His tail wagged, what little their was, as the man scratched behind his ear. "Anders?" I asked sitting beside him glad to be able to catch my breath. "What's up, I thought you went with Garrett."

The small, obviously forced, smile faded at the mention of the other mage's name. He continued to scratch behind Feng's ear for a moment. "I was."

I waited just a moment for him to say anything else. Something was wrong with him, that was very clear. "Penny for your thoughts?" He stopped his affection toward the dog to give me a perplexed look. "What's with the sullen expression, you can talk to me you know." I crossed my legs as best I could and rested my hands on my knee.

He sighed slowly, a weary sound that made him seem like the world was bearing straight down on his shoulders. Feng whined loudly and nudged Anders' hand to get the man to continue his scratching session. Anders ignored the massive pooch though.

"Everyone is so afraid of mages, afraid of what they don't understand. Not all mages are evil, but no one wants to help." He grunted holding his head in his hands. "No one is on their side."

"Their side, or yours?"

"I don't know anymore." I placed a hand on his arm, he tensed up nearly flinching away from the light touch. "Will nothing I do ever matter, am I truly fighting a losing battle? Or am I truly the wolf among sheep?" Their was such depression in his voice it nearly broke me to tears.

I reached over forcing his eyes toward mine. "You're a good man, Anders. Don't let anyone tell you differently." His eyes flicked away searching for something else to stare at, but eventually returned to mine. "Even if you don't personally free the mages, you'd create the stepping stones for the next to try. You can't take this all on yourself."

"You've been there for me since the beginning. If you ask me too, I'll follow you."

His smile was genuine this time as he sat a heavy hand against the one on his arm. "Thank you, to know I have brought even one to our cause is enough, but I could never ask you to bring yourself into this."

"You're my friend Anders, I'll do what ever it takes to keep you free." I stood yanking on his arms as I went. "Come on lets go harass Isabela and Varric."

"Fine just don't pull my arm from it's socket. I need that you know." His smile was bright and warm.

I continued to tug him to his feet, but before we could get started on our way to the Hanged Man we heard a shout. Someone, a shop keeper I think, started yelling for someone to stop and for the guards to help him. We looked around trying to find the source of the voice, but the cause of it found us first.

At least that's what I would like to think.

A pile of silvery hair and fluttering robes slammed into Anders' side nearly knocking him over and taking me with him. He released me in order to catch the person that had so rudely bumped into him. "What do you think you're... doing...?"

He cut his own sentence short to stare at the woman he had caught.

"Anders?"

"Solona?"

So they knew each other or something? What am I missing here? Before their oh so glorious reunion could be to drawn out the silver haired Solona grabbed onto Anders hand and drug him behind her, and he grabbed onto my hand. She pulled us like an unwilling train in and out of crowds of people. The crazy lady pulled us behind her for what felt like an eternity before she pushed us into an abandoned building and slammed the door shut and blocked it off.

She stood with her back to us giving the rickety barricade a nod of satisfaction and dusting her hands off. She ran from one side of the room to the other checking the boarded up windows for signs of anyone following her.

Feng pushed his way up to me bumping his side into my legs standing between me and the other woman. I put my hands on his massive shoulders to keep him there feeling vibrations throughout his body as he growled. "What the hell is happening, who are you?" She continued to peek out the window before slowly turning to me with a look of pure aggravation and brought her hand up to her mouth shushing me.

I gave a loud gasp which earned me a, "Are you daft, be quiet!" From the same woman. I cross my arms sitting down on an old dusty couch stirring said dust around me. Feng stopped growling in favor of pacing around and lay down at my feet.

Anders waved his hand in front of his face and shook his head at Feng's and my antics. "Solona, is it really you?" He ignored me as I began coughing and sneezing to go to the other woman.

"Who else would I be. Now unless you want to have the guard break into our lovely little abode I suggest being quiet!" She ducked under the window again to keep watch on the outside.

Anders walked over behind her to pull her away from the window. "What are you doing here, why aren't you back in Fereldan?" He whispered. "Please don't tell me you're on the run." He drug a hand across his face.

She gave him a glare pulling her arm free from him.

"What did you do _this _time Solona." He sighed and leaned against the wall. "You ran didn't you."

"Perhaps..." She looked away from Anders.

"Who's following you."

She huffed. "No one. I destroyed my phylactery." The look on Anders face was so bewildered that he looked like he was going to faint. "They don't know I'm here Anders, I'm free."

"If they ever find you they'll kill you." He seemed worried about that.

"You weren't killed." He didn't look happy about that statement. "Anders you should know how bad it is there. To never be allowed to see the sun, never feel the grass or run through a brook. Anders I felt the grass beneath my feet and how warm the sun is!"

"How did you get away with that."

"There were two of us. Jowan and myself." She sat down beside Anders and fidgeted with her robes in favor of constantly checking the window.

"Really? Jowan... I didn't think he had it in him."

Solona gave a snort. "No one else did either." Wow, get pissed at me for asking a simple question, and this lady just keeps ratteling on.

"What happened to Jowan?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"We went our separate ways almost a year ago. Figured it would be harder for them to find us that way."

"Do you have any way of contacting him? Maybe if you two let others know how you escaped more will be able to free themselves."

Solona rejected that idea before Anders could get his hopes up to much. "That little stunt nearly got us both killed. If Jowan didn't..."

Anders pressed her to continue on.

"Look it was a risky move, and if someone else tries it they won't be so lucky." Even with the lack of light it looked like she was about to cry, but she held herself back. "Can we trust your little friend here to not rat me out?"

She stood back up and pointed a finger at me. Wow did someone finally remember that there was a third member to this little runaway party of mages.

"Don't worry, she's on our side."

I waved a hand around in the air. Yay go team.

It didn't surprise me when Solona looked ready to send my ass across the room. Then she said something that I didn't expect. "Then I'm glad to call you friend."

* * *

><p><strong>Hope everyone is still enjoying this! It's getting close to the end so hopefully it pans out right and doesn't just take a turn for the 'what the hell is happening' train. Just fyi Solona is <span>not<span> the warden commander nor a grey warden at all. That spot belongs to Elissa Cousland. ****unlike me just randomly throwing Sebastian in the last chapter I hope I can figure out something for Solona. ****I do plan on doing their side of the story as well; how you ask? well it depends, please let me know if you guys want the other side of this story as well. I do want to do that one as well but that may mean this story will end and then the other would start as a separate story and the two would combine into a third; if anyone gets what I'm meaning. **

**Please review and let me know about the other 'doomsday' characters story, and have a great day! :D**


	23. Crazy Town

CHAPTER 23: CRAZY TOWN

_ Over a little time alone I thought about my situation. I wasn't really sure at first if this was a good idea. I'm not from this place, I don't belong. I have no right to be carrying the child inside of me. I hadn't told anyone else other than Garrett and Leandra. Even then I hid it for as long as I could. _

_ I felt like I was crawling into a hole and hiding from the world because of this. That caused them to watch me closely from behind, and thus they found out. It was bound to happen. _

_ Just looking you really couldn't tell that I had an extra passenger. But after having three kids, Leandra knew better. I didn't want to bother her with it, her family had already done so much, and I hadn't done anything in return._

_So, I finally got out looking for a house._

"So you're really wanting to give up living in High Town?" Isabela leaned on a table staring up at the cobwebs on the roof.

"I still have a lot of the money from the Expedition. Why not?" She just shrugged her shoulders. There wasn't anything final yet, I just wanted to look at the house. It had been abandoned for some weeks now, and the owner didn't want it empty. Though by the looks of things, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

The main room looked ready to have the roof fall in. The back rooms looked alright, but the boarded up windows were an obvious sign of theft.

"You know, on second thought... High Town is looking mighty cozy right now..."

Isabela snorted in a way that said, 'I told you so'.

_After that she all but vanished, she and Garrett had things to do around the city. I only could walk around freely if Garrett had left Feng behind with orders to watch me. Other than that I hid myself away again. Anders was the only one to visit, even then it was rare. _

_ Garrett had given him a key to get in through the cellar. It was convenient that he lived somehow right below us. He could get in or out without really being seen. He only stayed long enough to check on my progress, and then he too left._

"Everyone's been asking about you. Especially Solona, she sends her best wishes." He said as his hands floated with that weird blue light above me. It was good to know that Solona had fit into the group just fine. She and Anders ended up bunking together until she could find her own place to stay.

"I'm fine, I think my ass and belly are starting to compete as to which will bloat up the fastest though..." I got a little chuckle from Anders with that.

"Here, take this if you feel anymore back pain." He handed me several packs of crushed herbs. He took one back opening it and dumping it into a cup of hot water he'd reheated with magic.

"Magic certainly has it's advantages."

His smile was gloomy. "Well, you would be the first to think so." He mixed his concoction together and handed it to me. "It's bitter." He said only after I'd taken a large gulp. Why does everything that's supposed to be good for you taste like shit...

"Thanks for the warning." I choked. He took the cup back as he stood.

"I portioned out each dose. Just don't take more than one a day." He scratched at the back of his head nervously. "Otherwise you might be asleep for the rest of the week." He began to leave but turned around fishing something out from a pouch on his side. "I forgot, I was … asked to return this to you."

He grabbed my hand placing some cold metal object in my palm. My grandmother's necklace. He never said where he got it, or rather who gave it to him. I just remember it being broken off nearly four months ago.

_Then he too was gone. I only knew he was alright because Garrett would come in complaining about him and Fenris, shocker, getting into another fight. Everyone else seemed to of gotten along, except for the two of them. Fenris even began to only barely tolerate Merrill, but not much more. And don't even get me started on Solona and him, I didn't think anyone could end up pissing so many people off without uttering a single word. _

_ A few months passed without seeing anyone other than Garrett. And by now it was painfully obvious I was pregnant. Back... hurts so much. I think I've gotten the of imitation a penguin down perfectly. My 'I have to pee' dance has unquestionably improved seeing as it looked like that's what I was doing walking around the Estate. _

_ One night I went to bed, and the next I woke up unable to see my feet. I started thinking that they had vanished like my friends, but like them it was just me. _

_ That's when Varric surprised me by visiting. I had just enough time to hide under the covers that barely hid my belly. _

"Kitten, you're a sight for sore eyes." He said as he entered my room. I waved to him from my bed as he pulled up a chair to catch up. We, I, had so much to catch up on.

"Varric," He leaned back comfortably in the chair smiling ear to ear. "You remember how I told you I was from another world right?"

"How could I forget." He shrugged casually. "What's on your mind?"

I spilled my guts, thankfully only figuratively this time, about what had been on my mind for the last several weeks. I omitted the major detail, hoping that it wouldn't need to be brought up, but I knew it would in a few minutes.

"You miss your world. That's... well I would like to say it's normal. I'm sure your family misses you as much as you do them." I still didn't regret what happened all those years ago either. I never would. It just, took me awhile to remember that.

"I know, but... things just got really complicated."

"How so, Kitten?" He wanted the truth, so I pulled back the thick comforter and blankets. Somehow though, he didn't look to surprised. It shocked me more that he wasn't. No one had told him, and yet he had figured it out just as he entered the room. "You're glowing, it's obvious." He acted like he was crying and wiped away a nonexistent tear. "My little Kitten's growing up so fast."

"Varric..." My shoulders shook with a silent laugh.

Then all of a sudden something clicked in his mind. I wasn't sure at first what, but then again I didn't impregnate myself. Even if we were from two different worlds, that little fact remained the same. There had to be a father, and he figured that one out fast.

He grunted running a hand down his face slowly. I'll bet he knew who too from that look.

"Elf, I swear you keep making things better and better." Yep he knew, wait how!

"Varric how... how do you know who?!"

He cleared his throat trying to calm himself down, and only mentally beat the living hell out of Fenris. I slumped down into the bed groaning, only slightly hoping he hadn't threatened the information out of him. But he had. Varric, between you and Isabela I'm going to need to go into therapy.

Oh sweet Jesus... With friends like these... ugh.

He opened his mouth to make some silly comment as he stood, but he nearly collapsed to the floor by a sudden earthquake. I sat up myself trying not to roll off the bed as we helped each other to stand. A window downstairs cracked and shattered, a terrified scream came from Leandra and Sandal gave a cry for his father.

"You alright Kitten?" Varric lead me to my door, both of us looking frantically for Leandra and the two other dwarves. Sandal backed away from the shattered glass, while Bodhan pulled Leandra away. The older woman held a hand over her shoulder.

Before any of us could ask what was going on the house was wracked by another quake. Terrified and confused screams sounded from the streets outside the protective walls of the Estate. Whatever was going on out there couldn't be good at all.

"Stay here, I'm going to see what's going on." Varric pulled Bianca from her resting place against his back. The rest of us gathered around the open doorway watching as he leaned his back against the front door, and released Bianca's safety. The weapon gave a quiet pop of gears as he lowered it for just a moment to open the door.

Everyone held their breaths as he peeked around the opening. "That... doesn't look good." He muttered keeping his body pressed against the door.

Leandra gave a moan releasing her shoulder. At the noise we jumped slightly hearing the sounds of explosions not a moment after. "Varric? What is it." She whispered placing a hand on my arm and the other over my stomach. My own hands covered hers over the large swell, the baby inside kicked several times clearly not happy with the turn of events.

"The whole bloody streets on fire." He whispered closing the door again. He went to drag the large bench in the small room across to the door, attempting to block it off. Bodhan jumped into action helping him block off the door. The two men paced back into the main room grabbing anything that they could find useful.

"Sandal let's go my boy." The fair haired dwarf calmly walked to his fathers side, taking a hand full of runes with him. What he was going to do with those I could only guess.

Our small group didn't even make it to the back exit before the front door was abruptly being broken into. Varric gave a loud curse ushering us faster out of the house. We choked loudly on a plum of smoke as soon as we exited our home, suddenly it didn't feel at all safe in Kirkwall. The entire sky was blocked out by a thick cloud of smoke, people yelled and cried for mercy. Panic was running rampant through the streets farther sending the place into confusion.

"Look stay with me, I'll get us out of this mess." Varric leaned Bianca on his shoulder for a moment to give us instructions on what we needed to do. Which wasn't very much other than to keep up with him, and to avoid confrontation. Which we would hopefully get to accomplish.

The only thing we could do was get out of the city, or at least find a location that we could easily defend. But by the looks of things, that wouldn't be possible.

Leandra tried not to cry out that she was once more having to flee her own home. Though she was very agitated about it, don't blame her one bit in this situation. She held onto my hand and started whispering a prayer. "We'll be fine, so long as we stay together." She reassured the both of us. She tried to give a smile to set us both at ease. We couldn't waste anymore time, we needed to run. I just wish that Garrett had been home, or hell even Carver. Then we might stand half a chance. She was right though, and I can't dispare just yet. We're still alive.

All over the streets Templars and guards alike ran about frantically trying to gather people and get them to safety as well.

As we hit a high traffic area, people ran everywhere at once knocking each other over and slamming into one another. Guards yelled for people to keep calm, but as soon as an ounce of peace came it was taken away. Nearly ten huge horned men with axes and swords nearly as long as them charged through. The makeshift barricades flew into the air with the few guards posted behind them.

The Qunari sliced through the defenses with little to no effort before the rest of the guards rushed to stop them.

Varric tried to yell for all of us to stay together, but in the chaos we all got separated. I only managed to hold onto Leandra for a moment before we were pulled apart by a wave of people rushing our direction. I could hear her calling my name, but soon her voice was lost with the shouting of the rest of the people.

I was shoved, pushed and pulled more times than I care to count trying to fight my way through the crowd.

I don't know how long before it thinned out into a larger area, it wasn't empty not by a long shot, but fewer people were rushing about. Off in the distance I could still see the giants continued fighting with the guards, it wasn't going to well in favor of the guards. Even though they outnumbered the devils by at least two to one now.

"Varric!" I shouted hoping that he was still in the area, but I couldn't see him or hear anything other than screaming.

Someone shoved into me from behind, knocking me to my knees. I clutched at my stomach making sure first and foremost I hadn't landed wrong. The man slowed to a stop as I looked up, he started back toward me noticing my condition.

"Here come with me." He reached down, but pulled his hand back. He stumbled backwards only faintly able to keep on his feet. "I'm so sorry, dear Maker forgive me!" He cried and continued running away in a frantic attempt to live.

Obviously the saying 'run faster than the person behind you' applies here.

I turned my head as I knelt trying to pick myself up. I tried to move but my movements were sluggish from the start. I only fell onto my side and curled into a ball trying to protect myself. My eyes locked onto the bull charging me down. His axe held out to the side as he neared. The beast of a man gave a loud yell as his feet thundered closer.

This time my life did flash before my eyes, and oh God was it quick.

My own scream was drown out into the vacuum of other noiseless sounds. My ears rang loudly and my heart all but stopped as I shivered on the debris covered ground.

The Qunari grunted as his axe clanged against something that wasn't me. Words were exchanged between the two faster than I can keep up with, and the sound of weapons striking each other replaces all talk. After what felt like hours a weapon was dropped to the ground, it clanked clamorously and a body fell to the ground in a lifeless thud.

It was quiet, sort of, for a moment after that. I could hear a pair of feet walking toward me and felt hands reach down to pick me up. My arms latched around my savior as his armor bit into my side. I didn't realize I was crying until he spoke up.

"I'm here, you're safe now."

"Fenris!" It was to good to be true. Just a moment ago everything had been so hopeless, but now that he was here, I knew everything would be fine. His arms pulled me closer to him as he took off to find a safer place to be. He tried not to jar me around to much, but given the fact he had to jump over fallen pieces of stone and wood couldn't have been avoided.

He skid to a stop turning to the side as a beam came crashing to the ground.

"Keep your head down." He spoke breathlessly as he flung the two of us around one corner after another. The screams began to lessen as we ran, and then it came to shouts from guards. We both panted heavily as he came to a stop.

Not five minutes later I was standing on my own, trying not to rip Fenris' head off despite the fact that he had pulled me from certain death. I wanted to scream and shout, to use someone namely him as a punching bag, and that's just what I did. I could still hear screams from others trapped outside of the blockade Fenris had taken us and I felt like I was in a contest to see who could out scream the other.

This whole place is a nightmare! "I'm sick of this, I'm so tired of wondering when some homicidal maniac is going to be trying to kill me! Ever since I got here I've been chased down, had people try to _eat _me, attacked by fucking creatures from the pits of hell and kidnapped by a psychopathic bimbo!" Was it to much to ask to tone it down a little for Christ sake! "But most of all I'm sick of you!" I grit out nearly ready to tare my own hair out.

At this point I began hyperventilating, my nerves and temper were shot, and now all I want is to have a good cry.

Everyone around us backed away staring in confusion at me and the entire situation that had uprooted them from their daily lives.

No matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, I don't belong here. I never did and I shouldn't be in this situation in the first place. But there's nothing I can do about it. If I could just wake up and this be a bad dream would be such a blessing. All my life I've been taught to have faith in the Lord, that everything happens for a reason, but is this all really necessary. What would anyone gain from sending someone here. There's no way of that being logical.

Ever since I can remember, I've never questioned my faith. Just followed blindly with everyone else. But not anymore, how can I after all of this.

"Valerie..." Once again I turned my anger back to someone I could physically blame. "Calm down."

"Calm, you expect me to be calm?! How can I be calm when I'm so furious!" I push myself right into his face, he doesn't back down and stands his ground. As soon as I scream out the last word though I double over in pain. His arms come around me pulling me in close as he eases me to the ground. "I'm sorry..." I began sobbing. In all my anger I forgot that it isn't just myself I need to protect now. And the small body inside of me gave me a sharp reminder.

I manage to lift my head up to see all the frightened faces around me. Although none of them paid me the time of day anymore. They were to busy making sure their families were safe. It wasn't just me alone in this, there were so many others suffering as well. There was nothing anyone could do about it, other than to wait and hope the guard could bring everything under control.

Faces of people who I passed by everyday, people from the markets, from Anders' clinic and the Hanged Man. All full of terror and grief. All of us looked the same. Wondering if we would make it another ten minutes. Wondering why this happened.

"We should move, this place isn't safe." Fenris whispered into my ear. He was right out in the open wasn't such a good idea, but where would we even go. Just about everything was on fire by this point.

He helped me up to my feet keeping close to me as I stumble along behind him. He took me to a small ally-way and had me sit down on one of several over turned crates. He pulled an old sack from between two of the crates and shook it free of dust and ash. He ripped it then and pulled it around my shoulders. It was then that he seemed to take notice of something about me.

His hands stopped what they were doing and his eyes lingered for longer than necessary. His look was full of question when he finally tore his eyes away. He knew now, it was only a matter of time. But he didn't say anything, he just took his hands away ripping a piece of cloth from the bottom of his shirt. Like an overbearing mother he began scrubbing grime from my cheeks. I still found I couldn't bring myself to say 'that' to him.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could whisper instead. Hopefully it was a start. "I shouldn't have blamed you. None of this was your fault. I just needed someone to blame everything on. You were just convenient."

"I understand your reasoning. To not have control. You must find someone to blame." It was still wrong of me to do that to him. He didn't truly deserve that kind of torment. "What I have done, no amount of apologizing will ever condone."

"Fenris-"

He placed his hand on my cheek and I saw something in his eyes that I hadn't in months. "This is neither the time, nor place for this conversation." He was right this wasn't a good time to be having any kind of personal conversation. Although we could die at any minute so I guess now's as good of a time as any.

"We'll talk when we get out of this mess." I began twiddling my thumbs together trying to avoid all eye contact. "I have a lot to explain."

"Valerie? Fenris?" Someone broke our awkward moment, letting the matter be saved for another time.

"Solona..." Fenris ground out through clenched teeth. "What do you want." He moved to stand stiffly just an arms reach away.

"Fenris, get over yourself. We have a problem."

"Really now?"

I glanced between the two as they argued. Following one voice to the other each time they bantered.

Solona placed her hands on her hips tossing her head to the side giving Fenris an attitude. "Yes really, what did you need someone to write it out for you?"

Fenris began to retort, but I cut him off. "Enough, what's going on Solona. Besides the obvious."

The silver haired woman's stance relaxed once she remembered that I was there as well, and she looked up toward the Viscounts Keep. "It's Garrett, he and the others are about to storm the Keep." She began looking worried as her eyebrows drew close together. As though she already knew what was happening from here. "He needs more help."

Fenris took a look around the area. "Valerie, stay here where it is safe. Listen to the guards, do as they say."

"Fenris what are you doing?"

"Helping Garrett, the fool will get himself killed."

I gasp as he and Solona turned to leave. "I'm coming with you." I realized as soon as it left my mouth how stupid it sounded. Considering my condition.

Fenris stopped and pushed me lightly back. "No it is far to dangerous." I was defeated before he could even open his mouth. He won without even trying.

"You better come back. I'm not done yelling at you yet." I smiled to let him know I was only joking with him.

He attempted to give a smile back but it faded before it even appeared. "Then I shall bare all your anger." Solona behind him made a sound of impatience, but he ignored her completely.

"Come on, we don't have time for sentimental nonsense." With that Fenris and Solona ran off to meet up with Garrett and who ever else he had gathered with him. I could only pray that everyone would be alright.


	24. Return to calmer times

CHAPTER 24: RETURN TO CALMER TIMES

I'm pretty sure I manged to run a giant hole into the ground with as much pacing back and forth that I had done within the last few hours. The fighting had gotten worse a little while after Fenris and Solona left, and the guards pushed everyone back into a storage building. It looked to be for weapons and armor from what had been drug out in the haste to block off extra doors. Most of us had been shut off into one of the small underground rooms just in case.

And by that point it was a little hard to continue my frantic pacing.

It smelled. There was a major lack of airflow. It was cramped, someone had been standing on my foot for the last fifteen minutes. An elbow shoved up into my armpit several times and I can't really be sure who's it was out of the lot packed in here like sardines with me.

What would really make this so much better is if someone farted. It would be like the great elevator fiasco of '04 all over again. Damn I'd forgotten how much of an ass my dad is in crowded places... anyway...

All I could really do was bang my head against the wall in hopes that it would all be over soon. It wasn't over as soon as I would have liked, but when it did end everyone walked out like they hadn't seen the sun in their entire life. I admit I was among that category. There were so many people standing around with their mouths hanging open like fish out of water it was unreal.

Of course it didn't help that the entire street had collapsed building parts and littered with corpses. As if the site wasn't enough the smell was rancid. I have never smelled a burning corpse before until today. Why do all my creepy and unnatural firsts have to happen in weird bursts?

I wasn't really sure what to do, I couldn't see Leandra anywhere or Bodahn and Sandal. Relatively speaking the entire area was a ghost town. There were a few guards helping one another and civilians out, but other than that I couldn't find anyone I knew. Did all of them go to help Garrett or what? What even happened to Varric and Leandra, damn I hope they're alright. Well I know Varric will be fine, but I sure hope Leandra kept up with him better than I had.

With the amount of people dead I can only pray that no one I knew was among them.

The entire city looked so different, I can't be sure if I can even find my way back to the Estate in the disarray the place is in. Or if the building is still even standing in the first place. I didn't know what to do other than just wander aimlessly up and down the street until someone came up to me to see what was going on. That wasn't likely to happen though, everyone else was to busy doing the same thing I was. No one knew what to do or where to go.

This day could not get any worse.

"Excuse me child. I couldn't help but notice you wandering around." I looked around until I found an elderly looking man standing behind me. "Child you look positively frightened." He held a hand out to place under my chin. He had short slicked back gray hair with a receding hairline. The bushiness of his beard only addled my brain. Why was it old men almost always couldn't keep a hair on their head but it grew in abundance on their chin. What did it just migrate from there to make a beard or something? Was it some kind of right of passage?

"Well I would have to be a bit touched in the head to not be scared." He gave a little laugh at my statement but didn't remove his hand from my chin; and drew closer to me much to close for comfort.

"Perhaps." He finally took the hint when I gave him the stink eye and stood back at a less awkward distance. "Where is your family child?" What's up with this dude? Seriously what is wrong with him. Must be a thing with getting old or something... you become a creep and call everyone else out on their age because you're jealous or something.

I watched his eyebrow raise at my continued silence.

"What is your name dear?"

For some reason the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. "Valerie..." I hesitated for a second. "Hawke." I blurted out without thinking.

"Hawke? Where have I heard that name before?" He asked more to himself than to me as he brought a hand to his chin to play around with his beard.

"Garrett Hawke, he's my brother." For some reason I felt the need to continue the lie. The man's eyes got wide for a second and he gave an 'ah' noise. "Well I better go find him... if I know his temper he's sure to be mad that I left our mother."

"Here come walk with me. We shall find them together." He smiled literally from ear to ear. I don't think I've ever met anyone who could smile so wide. Speaking of ears, his looked pointed. Not enough to really think that he was an elf or anything, but it was just noticeable. Maybe it's like some kind of gang initiation or something. Yeah right, what was I thinking, he's just a kind old man trying to be helpful. Good job Valerie way to look like an asshole all over again. "What does your brother look like?"

"A bear." I grimaced and the old man chuckled.

"Then I shall keep my eyes out for such a creature." I smiled and shook my head. Garrett really didn't look like a bear, well at least all of the time. Only when he was angry. Which was pretty much constantly.

"They really did a number on this place huh."

"It would appear so."

I looked around noticing that there weren't as many people flitting around the street anymore. "Hey shouldn't we be looking over that way?"

"You mentioned he was in the Keep, the boats are this way."

"Makes sense." I shrugged, wait I never mentioned anything about the Keep to him. I glanced over at the old man from the corner of my eyes. He was still smiling, but something felt wrong. And by now I've learned to trust my instincts.

Something certainly wasn't right with this picture.

"You know what. I think I should just go back to the Estate." I tried to pull my arm loose from his grip but he held on tightly. It wasn't much of a tug, but it should have been more than enough to pull it from an old man's grasp. "They probably went back to wait there. Seems like the better idea than wandering around aimlessly."

"We are nearly there child. We can ask the guards there if they seen him." The air of uncertainty stung so clearly that it hurt.

Something told me to run, and not look back. That little voice in the back of my head spoke so clearly, and the urgency behind it was obvious.

"Ah here we are." He said as we came to a clearing. Guards and Templars were rushing about the area pulling people from collapsed buildings and pushing back the last of the giant gray people.

Maybe I had the old man pegged wrong. I could see Garrett off in the distance, and Anders is with him. "I see my brother. Thanks for helping me." I smiled but he still wouldn't let me go.

"I shall see you to him, if that is alright with you."

"Sure..." I looked back over at Garrett and Anders. The two hadn't really gone anywhere. Anders was the first to take notice of me and my 'friend'.

"Valerie, are you hurt?" The old man kept his grip on me even as Anders ran over to us. I shook my head as the mage looked me over several times. Garrett came up slowly behind him, he looked run ragged.

"No, I'm fine. Fenris helped me earlier." Anders eyes narrowed at the mention of the elfs name, and the hand on my arm tightened. When I looked over at the man he took my hand and pat it. "Who are you?" Anders slowly reached his hand out to pull me to his side.

"I am but a passing old man who couldn't let such a charming young lady wander these streets alone. You will never remember my name." He waved Anders off giving a smile as he did.

"I see." Anders hugged me into his side pressing me to tightly against the many belts he thought were fashionable to wear.

Garrett had finally by this point in time made his way over to us. He gave me a glance before he turned to the old man. "I suppose you will want a reward..." I could tell that Garrett wasn't in the mood for any kind of games. Not that he ever was in the first place.

The old man looked appalled. "No no, I need not coin for this deed. If we do not help each other in such a time of need we are no more than animals."

"Then my thanks will have to do." He stuck his hand out in offering to the old man who took it gingerly in his own giving a light shake.

"Take great care of your dear sister, _Messere_ Hawke. You don't know just how precious she is until you lose her."

Garrett released the other mans hand rather forcefully, thoughts of his real sister going through his mind. I hadn't meant to try and take her place. Something just didn't feel right with the old man. I panicked. He turned around and sashayed away from us. I didn't know old men could move like that, talk about weird.

"Anders... you can let go now." His head snapped between me and watching the old man vanish into the crowd of people. He looked so distrusting of the other man that it had me wondering just what in the world was going through his head. Then he smiled warmly like he always did.

"I am glad you're safe." He ruffled my hair earning a light slap from me. He backed away muttering how he was going to help out the injured and left me under Garrett's protection.

I don't know what made me turn to look at him and give him a sheepish laugh and shrug my shoulders. Maybe it was the fact that he was bound to be pissed that I had said I was his sister. When that was as far from any truth out there.

"So ugh, how did your plan work out?"

"I killed him." He said oh so casually as if he was just talking about what he had for lunch.

"Right."

"Varric said he lost you in the chaos." Garrett uncrossed his arms as he looked everywhere but toward me.

I gave a little snort. "Yeah, thought I was a goner back there." At least by now I could laugh about it, and try not to have another total breakdown. "You know you can't get rid of me that easily right." I playfully knocked him on the shoulder.

I nearly bit my tongue off when Garrett suddenly grabbed me. "How can someone so small cause so much commotion." He said with his face buried in my hair.

It wasn't like I totally planned all of this to happen. "It's not like I just wake up and say 'hey someone try to kill me today, I'm bored."


	25. Keep on Dreamin'

**Sorry for not updating recently, been busy with stuff! Plus pokemon x & y came out so that had me distracted for a week or so hehe! If anyone wants to trade/battle or what not my friend code is 4098-2934-7198. But before Pokemon; Saints Row 4, then had to get SR 2 because I'd never played it. I've as well been working on a little comic to practice drawing, it's slowly coming along... Anyway enough rambling, heres the next chapter!**

CHAPTER 25: KEEP ON DREAMIN'

Reconstruction began almost immediately on the Estate. It wasn't to badly damaged, considering the state of the rest of the city. There were buildings worse off than here. The worst damage had been the front door, that had been broken in two and part of the frame was ripped off with it. One side looked like one of the Qunari decided to bite it.

Maybe he was hungry from rampaging down the street. He needed a snack. Mmm! Door!

The rooms were in shambles, and stuff was thrown everywhere. I don't think anything had been stolen. That wasn't why the Qunari were attacking the city. They didn't want our stuff, they wanted something else. No one really told me what it was other than it belonged to them. Garrett quickly mentioned that it was something Isabela had taken, not surprised, and she had vanished into thin air after the fact.

He was pissed with her from what I could tell. I asked Varric where she was, but he didn't want to talk about it. Merrill didn't know where she had gone, Anders didn't seem to care where she went, and the rest just were torn between going to drag her back and beat her senseless. I was sad to know that I might not ever see her again. At least she wasn't dead, or I hope she isn't.

On another note, poor Feng had been hurt protecting Leandra. The Qunari managed to break his leg and nearly slice off another before Varric had a chance to help. That dog was treated like royalty as soon as we got back to the Estate, and boy did he ham up the attention.

I've never seen Garrett so affectionate to anything before. It was cute and strange at the same time.

Carver stayed at the Estate for a little while, to make sure his mother was alright. He really didn't socialize with anyone else, other than the harsh glares from his brother, but shockingly they seemed to get along. If the pat on the shoulders they gave each other before Carver left was any indication. They fought like anything, but it was obvious they didn't really want the other to die.

They couldn't lose another sibling.

The next day I went out to find some blankets to replace the ones that were damaged. It was hard to find a merchant since the city was so torn up. What few were open had been so packed that when it was my turn the place had been emptied out. Well it was long before my turn that had happened.

"Great..." I crossed my arms and tried to find if someone maybe still had some food for sell. I managed to push my way up to one of the few stalls and pick out a few things.

The woman behind the counter brushed loose strands of hair behind her ear, she looked like she hadn't slept in a month with the dark circles under her eyes. "100 sovereign..."

I nearly dropped my coin purse to the ground. "What!" I squeaked out, sure I knew nothing was going to be cheap, but really 100. What in the world was that lady thinking. "How in the world am I supposed to pay that!"

"Look if you don't have the coin move along. I'm sorry." At least she had the decency to apologize, but that didn't put food in my stomach. Or anyone else's for that matter. I sighed putting away my money.

"Here is the coin." I looked over my shoulder at the man behind me. He handed the lady the coins, she just stared on in amazement at the heavy bag of money. She slowly pushed the small amount of food I had selected toward me and ran off with the money sloppily closing her shop as she went.

It was that old man again. The same one that had helped me find Garrett the other day. He just stood there smiling kindly. "Um... what was that for?" He picked up the food and handed it to me. What in the world was going on with this man. He was way to nice what in the world was he up to?

"I believe the word you are looking for is 'thank you'." His eyes crinkled in the corners as he snickered to himself.

"Right, thanks." We made our way out from the markets and into a less crowded area. "Why did you do that?"

He shook his head as though I offended him once more with my rudeness. "Child I have already told you that." I shrugged my shoulders but he didn't seem to notice. "Besides you are with child. May I ask where the father is. Why is he not taking care of you?"

"Sorry that's a bit to personal for me to tell a stranger." He chuckled again. "He's around though. Sort of." I added as an after thought. He was around, but not exactly at the same time.

"I understand. I have something I must discuss with you." He stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder. "In private." He looked around at the few people littering the streets.

"Sorry but I don't really know you well enough." The little warning bells in my head were going off again telling me to get away.

He though looked saddened by how I treated him. "My dear child I mean you, nor your unborn child no harm."

"Sorry, just a lot of really weird things have happened to me lately. Nothing personal."

"I understand your concern." I thought he was going to back off, but he didn't. "It is strange, what I feel from you." What in the world was he talking about. Please don't tell me that he was attracted to me or something, that would just be to weird. Not to mention creepy.

"Excuse me?"

He cleared his throat and leaned over to whisper in my ear once he was sure no one else was listening he said. "You have a very powerful magic within you."

"Woah hold the phone here. I'm not, you're crazy." I jumped back from him. What in the world was he talking about.

"Ask your brother, or that very protective friend of yours. And when you do, and when you learn that I am right. Come to that house over there, alone." He pointed off to one of the semi fancy houses that hadn't been hit as hard. "I will be awaiting you." With that he walked off giving me no other explanation as to what in the world was going through that weird mind of his. "But know the Fade has left it's mark on you."

The Fade... where have I heard that before?

"Alright..." Why did he make that sound threatening.

He left to go into the house he pointed out, and left me to either follow him or go back to the Estate. And I sure as hell wasn't going to do that or stick around here.

Most of the afternoon I wondered about what he had said. How in the world would he know anything about me. Maybe it was me being from another world he sensed, or something like that.

"Garrett, can I ask you something?" I came up behind him as he finished reattaching the curtains in the library.

"About what." He jumped down from the ladder and began to head to the next window.

I really didn't know how to put what I wanted to ask. It's not like I really knew anything about mages or magic. Even though I hung around several of them for ages now. Maybe I should have just gone to Anders. "It's about mages."

"What do you want to know." Wow he was being calmer about this than I figured he would.

"Well it's mostly about the Fade. Can anyone who's not a mage go there?"

"Everyone can." I nearly breathed out a sigh of relief but that only ended up in me swallowing it back down. "Mages are the only ones who can remember our time there."

"Have you seen it?"

He turned around to look down at me from the top of the ladder. "Why are you so curious all of a sudden about the Fade?"

"Just curious is all."

He gave me a look like he knew I was lying but answered me anyway. "Of course I have." He came back down the ladder and left it leaning against the wall. "Why?"

"You guys don't really talk about it much, and I'm interested in knowing how magic works." I picked at my nails trying to figure out coherent sentences. I was struggling to figure out what to ask and how to ask it so he didn't become suspicious. Wait what am I thinking, I don't have anything to hide... do I? "Say theoretically that someone from another world goes through the Fade, could they end up here?"

Garrett's eyebrows vanished under the fringe of his hair. "I don't think it works that way Valerie."

"Just work with me here. If someone from another world went through the Fade, and ended up stuck here. Would that make them a mage?" My heart was racing, hoping that in a way he wouldn't put two and two together.

"I've never heard of anything like that happening, but I suppose there could because of Tears in the Vale. As well I don't think that necessarily means they're a mage." Ok, now we're getting somewhere.

He pulled up chairs for the two of us and had me sit down at a table. Garrett went to look for a book, but instead of pulling it straight out he pulled out a pile of papers muttering a 'damn-it Anders' and shoved them back onto the shelf. The book he picked out looked old, it was made of leather with several straps holding the loose paper inside.

He dropped the book down on the table and sat down heavily in the chair beside me. "My father was a mage, as am I he taught me everything I know." He opened the book flipping around through the pages to pull one out and slide it between us. "You first asked about the Fade. There is a barrier between our world and the Fade. It's called 'the Vale'." According to him he just figured that tears in the Vale could potentially cause something from one world to be able to cross into this one.

He put his finger on the page pointing to a drawing that took up a quarter of the page. It didn't look like much, other than a giant smokey haze. At the bottom of it where the ground should be looked like a hand clawing it's way out.

"Demons can make their way through the Tears. But as for people I've never heard of that."

"Well how do demons do it?"

He just shrugged a shoulder. "They live in the Fade and are trapped there, it is not just as simple as they walk out. It's a bit more complicated than that. For the most part they have to be summoned to this realm." With what little information Garrett was going to allow me to know I sat up in my room sorting through my thoughts.

Garrett just wanted to keep me protected by not telling me everything, but maybe someone else could give me the answers that I've been needing for so long now. It couldn't hurt to try, but in this world I really don't think I can just take chances with a complete stranger all willy-nilly. After all he did want me to come alone, that had so many things that could go wrong with that. If I didn't go though there's no telling what all I could miss out on. This is one thing that I should probably sleep on before I go rushing into something stupid again and end up god knows where.

I tossed and turned all night, and ended up just pacing around my room biting on my finger nails. It took ages for me to even realize that I had bitten them all down to the quick. I walked quickly over to my window and looked outside. There were a few people wandering around in the early morning, mostly stumbling around drunk trying to find their ways home. I sat down on the large ledge and continued to watch over my shoulder out the window.

There's no telling how long that guy's going to be here, or if he even has anything that's remotely going to be useful to me. I jumped up as quickly as I could manage and headed out of my room.

"Feng, here boy!" I snapped my fingers trying to get the dogs attention. I could hear his claws clicking on the floor as he walked up to me he soon stopped and stretched giving a big yawn. "Feng I need you to do something for me ok?"

The dog's tongue hung out of his mouth as he panted and his head tilted to the side.

"I need you to come with me." I turned around and took a piece of paper and quill and began writing. "If something goes wrong, I need you to run back here and give this to Garrett." I looked at his legs as he walked, he wasn't limping much anymore thanks to Anders and his healing. I didn't want the dog to get hurt again, but there wasn't much more I could do. "Valerie this so so stupid, you better hope this ends well." I muttered to myself as I lead Feng through the street. I stopped a little ways away from the building where I was told to come and turned back to Feng.

He whined up at me his ears going flat to his head.

"Remember to take this to Garrett, ok?" He whined again giving the back of my hand a lick with the end of his tongue. "Everything's going to be fine. This is just in case." Reassuring myself or him I reached my hand out to grip the door knob. My hand shook so badly it was hard to open the door.

I felt sick to my stomach as I twist the door open just enough to peek inside. It was dark, only being lit by blue fire torches. From what I could tell the first room was completely empty except for the torches. I looked around and found something heavy enough to keep the door propped open, and slowly walked inside.

"Hello? Anyone here?" Dumbass he's probably asleep!

Owell, better just go back home! Right? "Ah, I knew you would come." I jumped at the sound of the old mans voice and turned around to face him. "Do forgive me for that, I did not mean to frighten you." He smiled as he walked down the stairs.

"No problem." I chuckled no I wasn't scared at all...

I swallowed loudly enough for him to hear. I took a glance at the door where Feng had hidden himself. "So what did you mean earlier? About me having magic or something?"

He smiled as he took a long decorated staff from beside the stair case. "I do believe such magic hasn't been seen in a long, long time." He gestured for me to come closer to him, but all I could do was shuffle slowly forward.

"I'm just a plain regular person. There's nothing special about me."

His smile faded causing him to look sinister in the dim lighting. "Who has convinced you otherwise?"

"I don't know what you thought you saw or whatever, but nothing about me stands out from anyone else." He took a few steps toward me, and I tried to back up but I felt rooted to the spot. I looked away from him to see that was just the case. Vines snaked up around my calves and headed toward my upper legs. The shock of that nearly sent me to the ground but the vines kept me upright.

"What are you doing!? Let me go!"

"I'm sorry my dear, but not until I've convinced you of your own power." Oh shit, Feng now would be a good time to go and get Garrett please. The vines picked me up off the ground raising me into the air to be eye to eye with the old man, and held my arms trapped against my chest soon pulled away from each other. I could hear the door slam shut and block out the early morning sun from the room, the force that closed the door blew out the torches one by one in rapid succession.

Under me I could see a faint glow as lines snaked their way through the floor. A soft hum came from them as they changed from pale blue to a deep shade of red. The old man produced a small bowl of silver liquid from somewhere in his robes, and the vines holding my arm pulled them toward the bowl. Then all of a sudden... I felt so tired.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Feng raced through the streets as soon as the door slammed shut. His animal instincts screaming danger a mile a minute. He skid to a stop and sniffed the air, someone else that smelled familiar was much closer than his masters home. He looked between where he was ordered to return should things take a turn for the worse and the new smell. He gave a whine and ran to the closer person. Once he spotted a head of white hair and a giant sword he began barking to get his attention. At first Fenris ignored the sound, but at it's continued noise he turned to see the dog charging toward him.

It was to late to duck out of the way as the massive dog slammed into him and took both of them to the ground. All the while Feng never stopped barking, the massive dog stood on Fenris' chest sending a shower of saliva into his face as he barked what had happened to the woman.

"Get off..." Fenris finally managed to unpin himself between the ground and the massive pooch. Who only stopped to paint for a second before he barked urgently in between pants. "What has gotten into you..." He pushed the dog away with one hand before he saw the folded piece of paper shoved into Fengs collar. "What is this?" He pulled the paper free and suddenly Feng stopped barking and started whining. Fenris looked back at the dog knowing something was wrong. He didn't want to open the letter knowing it might contain something that he didn't want to know.

_Garrett,_

_ I've gone and made a mess of things again, and I'm sorry. If Feng is bringing this to you then I need your help. I'm so sorry, but something happened and I need answers to questions I've left unanswered for to long. And if it comes to it, and Feng doesn't make it in time, please tell Fenris that I'm sorry. Please forgive me._

_Valerie_

"Where is she!?" Feng jumped back to his feet and ran off the way he had just came with the elf behind him. _Damn just hold on I'm coming._

x-x-x-x-x-x

_Ow ow ow! Damn-it that asshole... wait what happened? I rolled over to my back and sat up feeling my swollen stomach. Wait... this all seems so familiar. I know I've been here before. I stood up with the help of a tree stump. My feet began shuffling through tall brown grass. All around me was a barren waste land of dead trees and what appeared to be cars. _

_ All of which looked older than me, rusted beyond recognition. The husks of what once were automobiles sat silently all across the dead forest. Once my feet hit something a bit more solid I nearly tripped over the edge of a path, no wait. It's a concrete road. I turned around only to see the scenery change all together from nothing into a small rundown suburb. _

_ Only there were no people, it was quiet. There weren't even birds chirping anywhere. Just dead silence other than my foot steps. "What is this?" I whispered to myself._

_ "A shadow of what will become." _

_ I jumped back and slammed my back into a car. It was that, thing again... Hope? Only wait no it, she... she looks familiar._

_ "Grandma?"_

_x-x-x-x-x-x _

"Oh Maker bless you for saving my son!" The woman cried holding onto her child. While she wailed her son just pushed on her shoulders trying to get her off of him muttering under his breath for her to stop. "Please if there is anything I can do for you just name it."

"I am happy to be of service." Aveline gave a small laugh happy enough to just know the child was safe again, but her attention was torn away from the woman and child to another disturbance. The other woman pushed her child back into their small home and stood watching with Aveline.

"What is happening?" Her voice was meek nearly being overpowered by the screams of shock coming from people up the street. Aveline pushed her back as the cause of the commotion came rushing past. "W-was that an elf and... a Mabari?"

"Fenris? Please excuse me." She apologized to the woman and took off after the elf. _Where is he going in such a hurry? _She thought as she lagged behind him several paces before finally getting a burst of speed and catching up with the man. "What has happened?" After Fenris gave her a double take he gave her a short message.

"She has gotten herself into another situation."

He wondered what could have been so important that she would jump so recklessly into something without at least asking someone for help. He knew she had some kind of secret that she stubbornly refused to share with anyone; what it was though he could only speculate. When he got to her he promised himself he would make her tell him, at least then it might become easier and she wouldn't endanger herself so often.

That's all she seemed to be doing lately.

Feng lead the two into an alleyway and went straight to a door and began clawing at the wood. Aveline was the first to try the handle. It wouldn't budge a centimeter. She looked to Fenris and the both gave a nod of the head before backing away from the door and running at it with their armored shoulders ahead of them.

x-x-x-x-x-x

_The shimmering form gave a shake of it's head and as it did the face changed appearance all together. It moved around me leaving trails of smoke as it walked. "Why do I keep finding you?" I would like to say it was me that asked that, but it seemed the spirit even wondered the same thing._

_"How would I know? I don't exactly plan to take vacations here." Hope turned back to face me clearly not amused with my answer._

_"I have wandered for centuries without encountering anyone, and yet now? I seem to find you far to often." I shrugged, that still didn't mean I knew why. "Who are you human."_

_ "Valerie," I looked around the ever changing landscape. "so what's happening here?"_

_ Hope turned back to watch the surrounding area contort and change between a decaying forest and broken suburb. "Even I do not know. The Fade between the worlds is... unstable. I can feel an evil trying to come through."_

_ "What is it?"_

_ "I could not tell you, for I do not know." It sent a shiver through my spine, all I want to do now is wake up from this nightmare and forget it ever happened, but something tells me it's not over yet. Not by a long shot. "I feel it is connected to our meeting." Hope glanced down over its shoulder to eye me suspiciously. _

_ "Before I came here, everyone was going on about some 'end of the world'. That's when I came here." Hope didn't say anything to me so I took it as a cue to keep going on what happened. "I haven't been home for almost 4 years now. And a lot of what happened is fuzzy, I just remember coming home from college and then waking up on the streets in Kirkwall."_

_ "I have felt several pass through the Veil the same day. I thought it strange, but nothing felt threatening."_

_ "Now it does?" If something like that isn't supposed to happen and it does, shouldn't that send up red flags or something? "So I wasn't the only one?" _

_ Hope began walking away down the path and I followed after it, hoping that it would be able to help me or give me some kind of insight. "Most perished before they made it to the other side, or were lost to the Fade. Few made it through like yourself, if what you tell me is true."_

_ "So why me? Why didn't I die or become lost?"_

_ "Perhaps you are to change the world, or be its end." The spirit stopped and began to change into a small orb and began floating around at eye level. "I do not have the power to see the future, but events that will change everything are about to unfold. And I do not know if it will be for the greater good or for the end of all." _

_ The spirit orb hovered silently for a few more seconds before it spoke again._

_ "I can not leave the Fade, but you can. I will remain with you until we find an end to this." A bright flash of light caused me to cover my eyes with my arms, and after I finished rubbing my eyes and allowing them to adjust I looked around. Hope was gone, and the area was once more changed. _

_ "Who are you!?" I jumped not expecting to hear anyone else. I turned around to see another woman about my age, dressed in denim jeans a leather vest and woolen cloak half hiding behind a tree. She looked more jumpy than I felt. "You're not one of those demons... are you?" _

_ "No?" She visibly relaxed and stepped away from her hiding place. "What about you?"_

_ Her eyes went wide and she gave a gasp. "Oh, no I'm not. My name is Corrine... who are you?"_

_ "Valerie. How did you get here?" _

_ "Me? Oh I'm dreaming. I assume you are as well." Right well now that the obvious is out of the way, now why are we both here. Other than Hope I've never seen anyone else in this place. Plus I can't be sure if this Corrine person is who they actually say they are, but somehow I know I shouldn't be alarmed by her. "You know, it's weird. When I first figured out I could bring myself here when ever I wanted it was scary. But now it isn't so bad." _

_ She idly spoke as though to fill an awkward silence. _

_ "How much do you know about this place?" _

_ She sighed as she spoke. "Next to nothing really. A friend of mine is the one that helped me learn that I can come here." She began walking down a newly formed path and I followed after her. "We had to leave though, so I haven't really had a chance to talk to her since though."_

_ "Who's 'we'?" _

_ "His name is Zevran." She lead me around through the winding paths as if she knew just where to go. After a few minutes of traveling through the erratic forest we stopped and looked to each other. "That wasn't you was it?" _

_ "I was about to ask you that." She pulled a staff from under her cloak and the sound of voices became louder._


	26. What is Taken

**oh my god I am so sorry for the lack of updates lately! I recently moved into an apartment and had to wait on the internet to be hooked up, and that took a month all on it's own pleh... but the rest of the time I really have no excuse please forgive me!**

CHAPTER 26: WHAT IS TAKEN

The door splintered and cracked as it caved in on itself. As soon as the door hit the floor both warriors had weapons drawn and ready to fight. The two stopped short with Feng growling between them. They peered into the dark abyss as fog wafted around their legs in smokey tendrils. They could see nothing in the darkness. Aveline took a step forward but was stopped by Fenris' arm blocking her path.

She started to ask him why he had stopped her, but his explanation beat her to it. "Blood magic. Someone does not wish us to interfere."

"Well what do you suggest?" She kept her voice low and fought back the urge to go into the room. The reasoning kept her from acting on foolish whims.

"I hate to admit it, but it takes blood magic to fight blood magic like this." He sneered into the darkness feeling something strangely familiar floating about all around him. "Go find Garrett. If this is what I think, then he's the only one strong enough to combat this."

"What about you?" Aveline lowered her shield as she backed toward the door.

"I know my way around blood magic." He hid his grimace at the bombardment of memories, he knew it would take all of his knowledge to even find his way through. "I may be able to find her, but once I enter we will not be able to leave without another blood mage's help."

Aveline sheathed her weapon and gave Fenris a hopeful smile before she took off to the Estate.

"I need your help." He looked to Feng who gave a tilt of his head. The massive dog gave a bark ready to do as he asked. Fenris removed the ribbon wrapped safely around his wrist a tug free and tied it to the dogs collar and held the other end in his hand knowing that they would be easily separated otherwise. The war hound lowered his nose to the ground trying to catch a scent and slowly began walking into the darkness.

Dead silence greeted Fenris' ever sensitive ears, and a chill bit into his skin causing the flesh to bump up along his arms. Each step the pair took caused their bodies to feel heavy and fatigued. Each breath was like breathing in a mouth full of water to their lungs.

The light tug on the ribbon slackened as Feng came to a stop. Fenris could no longer see the dog, and could only rely on the ribbon to know where he was. The whimper the animal gave sounded farther off than the animal actually was in the distorted space. He knew then that Feng had lost the trail.

"Keep trying." Feng turned his head to try and figure out where Fenris' voice had came from, but couldn't tell. He began sniffing again until he found a scent he could follow. The lyrium tattoos along Fenris' skin began to give off a dull aching burn that urged him to scratch at them, but he ignored that and kept his senses focused on the task at hand. He knew something didn't feel right, but there was no way in knowing until he found the source or Valerie.

_Give … back... _Again Fenris stopped; at first thinking that he had only hearing voices, but knew better than to think that. A feral voice wafted around from one end of the abyss to the other, never remaining in one spot for long, and only repeating the phrase 'give back' to the point of being redundant. Fenris kept his eyes forward, knowing that looking around wouldn't help him anyway. Searching out the source of the voice would prove to much of a distraction.

A short eternity later the fog began to lessen, and the elf could see the dog walking with him once more. But before he found himself able to celebrate, he found nothing but a charred bunch of vines and scorched runes. As he approached a dizzying feeling took over causing his head to swim in dizzying swirls before his eyes. When the room finally stopped spinning he could see a ghostly shadow of what once had been there. It had been Valerie, suspended by thick vines with her head thrown back unconscious.

As soon as the vision appeared her eyes snapped open and mouth opened in a silent scream, a several small sparks flashed before turning into a full blown blaze consuming her entire form burning away cloth and vegetation.

Fenris couldn't be sure to believe what his eyes were seeing, knowing full well it could be a trick of the mind. He turned his head away from the site to the ground focusing on the Mabari whimpering at his feet. The dog too had his head down as he wined.

Almost as a delayed reaction a piercing scream rang through and the snapping of a blaze fought for strength in volume over one of the only other sounds. Then more silence, the scene was gone save for the charred remains. Not lasting long the voice returned, or perhaps it had never stopped; it took over. This time accompanying it though was an even more feral growl. Fenris' eyes slowly lifted up back toward the mass of vines to see a giant shadowy animal's form. It's eyes blocked out in a glowing yellow aura.

_Give back... give back... GIVE BACK! _With that the animal pounced from the shadows and into the dim gray light. The wiry form resembled that of one of the great cats of Thedas. In one fluid motion Fenris dropped the ribbon to the ground and drew his sword using it as the only thing between himself and the dagger long claws attached to the animal. A spark jumped from the contact of the claws against the sword as it was pulled downward and away from the elf's body.

The cat jumped again placing both large paws against the blunt side of the blade, Fenris sneered and bit back a curse as he began glowing in his familiar blue-white pattern. The animals long whiskers flared out from it's face as it drew its lips back to bare all.

"I have no time for you." In a small burst from his lyrium imbued body knocked the animal from himself and backwards. Feng took this chance and pounced on the much larger animals back, sinking his teeth in and covering his jowls in fresh crimson. The pain from the dog's bite was enough to cause the cat-creature to roar out in agony. In the instant that Feng's tongue tasted blood he released the cat, only for it to throw him from it's back.

Fenris barely had time to note and question why would he suddenly go against all his training.

Waving it from his mind Fenris began glowing again, charging forward and into the animal. He passed straight through in his ghostly like state, and skid to a stop to turn and charge again. The cat fell to the ground. Still persisting the cat held itself up on shaking legs. It's massive head lowered in an attempt to remain conscious.

Feng shook himself off as he stood back on his own four legs. He looked between the great cat-creature and the elf who at the time had his back to the cat, and slowly turning around with weapon ready to end the enemy.

Thick fog curled around the animals black fur clad legs in tiny wisps before snaking their way farther into their own darkness.

"Elf!" Fenris could just make out the shadow of the dwarf as he came charging through the retreating fog. Just behind him the figures of three others phased in. In that split second the cat staggered into the thinning darkness vanishing before he could blink.

"Where is she?!" Anders growled out through clenched teeth. Either by his own choice or preference to find the cat he ignored the human.

"This is the source of the spell. Give me a moment to break it." Garrett rolled his eyes and looked to Varric. The other man nodded and loaded a bolt into Bianca giving her an affectionate pat.

"Don't worry honey, we'll find her, and kill the bastard that took her."

Anders cleared his throat and went after Garrett to provide assistance and backup if the need arose. By that point the other mage had worked his way to the scorch marks on the floor.

"She was here." He reached out touching the remaining chard vine. It crumbled as he pulled his hand back to himself as though it were still ablaze.

"She wasn't... did she...?" Anders felt a knot form in his throat. He tugged at the collar of his robes felling like they were beginning to constrict against his neck.

Garrett looked once more at the ashy remains and placed his hand over the line of runes. A scream erupted from behind the group causing them to all turn at once to find the source of the noise.

"Kitten!" Varric shouted before he was shushed by Fenris. Feng backed up making himself seem small with his ears pressed down against the back of his head and eyes wide in an unknown emotion.

"It comes!" Fenris wheeled around as Anders grunted from the force of a body slamming into him and Garrett giving a loud curse. Without hesitating Garrett through a fireball at the cat landing at it's feet where it quickly jumped back giving a snarl as it landed. Opening it's massive maw it released a shock wave like roar causing everyone to take a step back. With it standing so close to Anders and Garrett it was powerful enough to disorientate them for just a moment. Long enough for the cat to lunge at Anders. Fortunately it was slow enough that Anders had enough time to bring his staff up, causing the fangs of the beast to clamp down onto the wood instead of his throat. It's paws pressed against the staff trying to overpower him and swipe at him whenever it got the chance.

The mage could feel the wooden weapon cracking, splintering with each tooth that sank into the wood each time the cat's jaws shifted to get at him. The cat released the staff from it's mouth and slammed its entire body weight into it causing Anders to lose his balance. He fell over, a sickening crunch as his head collided with the stone floor.

Sliding in and out of consciousness he could see the cat's face getting closer to him feeling it's heavy breath on his cheek and saliva as it's mouth opened once again to finish the job.

Suddenly he felt the weight of the animal lift from his body and he rolled over struggling to breathe. Letting out a hacking cough he looked up to find Solona crouched down over him. Her own staff sizzling with the lightening that had just sent the cat across the room.

"Sorry we're late, we got separated in this fog." Aveline jumped in front of the mages holding her shield before her.

"What the hell is that thing!?" Solona growled out taking a quick glance at Anders. He still struggled to remain awake as he fell onto his back once more. The cat though stood once more. "Damn that didn't kill it!"

"No, I think you just pissed it off even more!" Varric looked down Bianca and sent a bolt into the animals shoulder. It gave a glance at the bolt sticking deep within its flesh and charged for the dwarf who already had another shot lined up. One shot from the dwarf, and several hits of fire and lightening the cat came crashing to a stop flipping over end after end.

This time it couldn't more more than a whisker.

"What possessed that creature to fight like that..." Solona wondered aloud. Anders once again awoke with a sputtering cough, Solona at his side helping him to sit up and checking him over.

Garrett looked away from the site as Fenris made his way over to the animal. Feng gave a bark and moved forward several steps before stopping and giving a pitiful whine. He looked to Garrett and gave a bark looking between the cat and his master.

The fog around the group had almost all but vanished, the spell nearly at its end. Fenris gave an almost feral growl as he hefted his sword above his head.

"NO!" Anders sputtered out in a cough. Lowering his sword Fenris turned his head wearing the most death defying and hate filled glare. "Don't kill her!" Fenris debated between himself about just getting it over with and loping the cats head off, and just what in Thedas the mage was about to prattle on about. Attempting to jump to his feet as Fenris' weapon was lifted again Anders fell over himself shouting for him to stop. "It's Valerie! It's Valerie!"

Again Fenris' weapon was stopped before it could do any more damage. Anders limped over with Solona trailing behind him and Garrett not far behind.

"Oh Maker no..." Varric's face contorted into an expression words could not fit. Aveline's shield and sword were the only other sound as they clanged to the ground, her mouth opening in silent sentences.

Fur began to fall from the cats body as it shrank in size as the last of the fog lifted revealing the abandoned building interior. Fenris backed away his eyes wide as Garrett took his place. His sword too fell to the ground with him not far behind on his knees.

He stared at his own hands covered in blood and fur. The hands meant to protect her, had almost killed her.


	27. The News

**sorry for taking so long again :( been trying to figure out where to take this and how to end it. I thought it was going to be over within a few more chapters, but it looks as though it might end up being quite a bit longer than originally thought. on a random note, who's your favourite dragon age character? And are you going to buy Inquisition? I for one am so excited for it, more Varric! Weeeeeee! **

CHAPTER 27: THE NEWS

Almost all gathered in the doorway watching as Anders and Solona worked on healing Valerie. Her wounds had been vital, but nothing that Anders had not seen before.

"Anders stop, you're exhausting yourself." Solona whispered ringing the water from a cloth. The other mage bit her lip as she and the others watched as he struggled to stand on his own two feet. The glow on the palms of his hands beginning to take on an unusual dimness. "Anders..." She tried again as he wiped away the streams of sweat from his face, blotching it with blood.

"Solona bring me..." He swayed falling backwards into Solona who had been ready to catch him.

"Anders that is enough, she will be able to heal enough through time. The danger has passed..." He obediently followed Solona's lead as she sat him into one of the cushioned chairs by the fireplace. Instantly his eyes drifted shut as he passed out. The days events having finally taken a tole on his body. Solona sighed and fell into the other chair with a rather unceremonious grunt. Behind her she could hear Garrett ordering everyone else who had been watching away. All but himself and Varric remained close by to keep guard.

"Do you know who lived there?" Varric spoke under his breath.

Garrett was silent. His scowl fixated on the floor at his feet. He knew Avline was already looking into who had been staying there. She would find them soon, and if she didn't the things Garrett would do to the other mage would be so grim even he didn't know his mind could go to those dark of places. Varric took a glance over at the other man, his arms crossed and gauntlets digging into his bicep.

"Garrett, calm down. You won't do anyone any good in this state." Varric continued to watch as blood flowed from the self-inflicted puncture wounds that dripped down onto the white floor. The mages eyes closed and his face relaxed as he removed the sharp gauntlet claws from his own arm. Staring at the streams of crimson he thought back to just a few weeks ago. When he had resorted to using blood magic. Few had saw what had become of the Quinari Arishok; his body being ripped in half would be the least of this man's worries had he not witnessed just what Garret could really do.

Only a few minutes had passed before Anders had awoken once more. The color returning to his face and all around looking more lively than he had just moments before. There was a small conversation between himself and Solona that drew Garrett's attention toward them.

"I've done all I can for her..." Anders clasp his blood coated hands together and as if just now noticing the fact tried to wipe away blood on his already stained robes. ", but I... I."

Waiting for only the time it took for Varric to cross the room to the other three he asked. "What is it. What's wrong?"

"The child. I can't feel it."

Red flashed in Garrett's eyes, all could see the look of pure hatred on his face. The dark thoughts that had crossed his mind seemed tame to those he pictured now. The room grew cold as the streams of blood on his arm lift from his skin. Anders as well felt the blood from his hands beginning to burn. The small wounds on Garrett's arm vanished in the instant that he looked over his shoulder, and the room returning to it once had been; as if nothing had happened. Solona cleared her throat praying to herself that nothing would be coming out of the shadows as she glanced around.

Garrett turned back to face them; helplessness covering his usually stoic self.

"What do you mean?" Varric was the first to speak up of the four. Anders looked to Solona as he tried to figure out what to tell them. She silently urged him on, desperate to know just what else he had to say. "Anders, why can you not feel it!" Varric wished those words did not have to be said, that they didn't even need to be thought, but sadly it was an all to common occurrence. And it would not be the last.

"It's just, not there." He stood from his chair, slowly walking across the room to the bed. "If the child were..." He held back the word 'dead' and instead began again. "I would have been able to sense a body, but there is nothing."

"Are you sure?" Solona rose to her feet still holding the cloth tightly in her hands. Anders nod his head.

"Whom ever had attacked her... has taken her child."

Varric gave a curse nearly spitting out the words. "How are we supposed to find them!"

In the back of Garrett's mind he thought to the day of the attack. The old man, all of this had started after Valerie had met him. It was a slim hunch, but it had to be the only lead. "I know who we are looking for."

The three looked to him, wondering just how he had come up with that statement so quickly. "Who?" Anders voiced the question that the other two wanted to ask.

"The old man that brought Valerie to us the day of the Quinari attack."

Varric didn't know to praise the mage or to call bullshit on him. "Do you know who he is?"

Garrett stopped to think for a moment. Other than that one time, he had never seen him before. If, he thought to himself, he saw the man in a crowd would he even be able to point him out? "No but we now have something more to go off of." With that he left his estate to go give Aveline the news, one way or another if his suspensions weren't enough. They still had a newborn child missing.

Garrett marched past the rest of the group who had made themselves comfortable in the main living area and study of the estate. No word came from his mouth of where he was going, or if Valerie was alright. Merrill had been the only one to follow after Garrett, while the rest began to quietly talk between themselves as the two left. As the door was opened his path was blocked. Isabela stood with her back to him as though she had just been thinking of coming in, and had second thoughts.

She turned to face the two mages as the door opened. "Is she...?"

"She will live, wait with the others if you wish." He left without farther word, for the pirate to decide where she felt she belonged. He hadn't fully forgiven her for her betrayal, but she had returned. Merrill gave her a warm smile before dashing off to catch up to Garrett before he had gotten to far from her site.

As she walked farther into the room she remembered why she had finally decided to just disappear. She was afraid.

Bodhan and Sandal stood off in the corner of the room. The young dwarf holding the runes he had been making that day in his hands, all his focus pouring into making the tiny magical stones. While his father sat beside him keeping careful eyes on his son. Pacing up and down the study Leandra held a long forgotten book that she had been trying to read. Her head popping up every so often to glance at the second floor for anymore activity.

Sebastian and Fenris sat on opposite sides of the room. Sebastian having been sent over by Aveline to bring strong medicines kept for the guard, looked up at the pirate as she stood before him. The tilt of his head asked what she wanted.

"I... um... am not good at this, but I haven't done this in, well ever." She tried to joke with herself. Fenris moved from his spot to lean against the wall across from them.

"Please, sit." Sebastian spoke as he and Isabela traded places. "Would you join us?" He looked to the elf. Nothing more was said other than a few glances from an uncertain Isabela and nod from Sebastian who began to chant. "Our Blessed Andraste..."

Anders, Solona and Varric stood at the top of the stairs. Hearing every word and feeling all the emotion behind the other mans voice.

The next thing that Isabela became aware of had been the lounge chair shift with added weight and several sets of hands placed on hers. She opened her eyes to see the hands of those she had come to call friends. She turned her head down her hair shielding her face so no one could see the tears fall from her eyes.

x-x-x-x-x-x

At a table surrounded by jars and potions Anders' sat. Beside him Valerie still slept, and Solona having long since retired with most of their companions to empty rooms. Few others stayed up well into the next day, drowning themselves in the Estate's store of liquor and wines. Those that had been drinking lay over furniture and beds alike.

Anders' rubbed at his eyes attempting to force them open; to keep himself awake and focused. He jumped at a knock on the door frame, nearly dropping his poultice in the process. He took a glance over his shoulder to find Garrett had returned.

"Any luck?"

Garrett did not answer his question as he took a seat beside the other mage. "Aveline is running who she can to find anyone who may be leaving with a newborn."

"I take it she can not do that for long before she's found out?"

"She's filed it as an attempted murder, and kidnapping. She promised she would keep the search on as long as she could." Garrett rubbed at his beard wearily. "How is she?"

Anders gave a long drawn out sigh. "Stable, but I have more news I fear." Garrett looked like he did not want to hear anymore news. He was tired and wanted nothing but to have a nice long uninterrupted sleep. He waved his hand for Anders to continue with more undoubtedly wonderful tale. "I don't know how bluntly I can put it, but with what has happened we can't ignore the facts any longer."

"I was fearing as much."

"She is most certainly a mage, Garrett. And a shapeshifer at that it would seem..." The blood mage wanted to use the fog as an excuse. That it had been the one warping their minds and causing some mass illusion. Even though he truthfully did not know everything to know about blood magic; he knew that was not the answer. There had been suspension of the fact since the beginning, but in the years since nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Do you remember if she's ever asked anything out of the ordinary? Anything at all?"

"No." His face tensed up as though he should be remembering something else. "Wait there was something she asked me. Just the other day in fact." Anders wordlessly urged him to continue. "It was odd, I thought nothing of it at the time. It was more than odd actually."

He recounted the events of the day. How he had been repairing his home, when Valerie began asking strange questions. All pertaining to the Fade and mages. At first he had thought she was just curious about mages, but she was so jittery that he should have been clued off right away. Then it came to the strangest of questions he had ever heard. One so preposterous that it seemed like the idle thoughts of a child who knew nothing of the world. Before he could finish his sentence Valerie gave a groan as she tossed and turned. With a scream the entire house was awoken.

In a matter of seconds Varric, Isabela and Fenris were at the door. Searching for what they thought were the attackers returning to finish the job. What they saw though was only Anders and Garrett; both trying to restrain Valerie. The three new comers all tried asking what to do, and what was happening.

"Garrett get them out! Fetch Solona!" He released Valerie's arm for only a moment as she fought against him. "Valerie calm down it is Anders, can you hear me!"

"Let me go!" She screamed and scratched before her arms were held down again. She cried trying weakly to fight back to free herself.

Garrett pushed the other three out toward the door where more of the group had slowly began to see what was happening.

"Out of my way!" Solona barked shoving Sebastian and Merrill to the side.

X-x-x-x-x-x

The screams of terror had been dulled down to mild whimpers that echoed through the otherwise silent house. At the kitchen table everyone who had been thrown out, including Garrett, all sat playing a game of Wicked Grace. There was no playful banter, nor shouts of Isabela's cheating. Bored mumbles came out as they each folded their hands of cards to deal a new game.

"This has to be the shittiest hand I've ever had."

Isabela snorted throwing down a card and drawing another. "Which is why I always have something up my sleeve."

Merrill sat up drawing her eyebrows close together. She tilted her head to the side. "But you do not wear blouses with sleeves? Where do they come from? I'll never understand where they all come from."

Isabela snorted again and rested her head on an open palm. "From my breasts love." Merrill shook her head not believing a word. "And when I want to crush my opponents beneath my heels I hide them in my-"

"Isabela!" Garrett slammed his hand of cards down onto the table pinching his nose between his fingers. His mother stood at the other end of the dining room looking as though she wanted to not even be in the same house as the pirate.

Leandra wondered how her son could keep such infantile company. Garrett was always so serious, but everyone else seemed so vulgar and childish.

"What?" Isabela shrugged her shoulders and hid a sinful grin. Before the woman could continue to embarrass Garrett farther a knock came on the door.

"I got it Hawke, you relax." Varric stood from the table leaving his cards on the table forgotten. Isabela took that moment to reach across the table, find the best card she could and tried to trade it for one of her own. Another knock reverberated through the house.

"Calm down I'm coming..." Varric mumbled under his breath. He ignored an oncoming yawn and pulled the door open. "Hawke is currently unavailable; please co-" He inwardly cursed to himself. Three templars stood on the other side of the door, each bearing an annoyed scowl. Varric cursed to himself again before composing himself.

"This is the Amell Estate correct." One asked. Varric's eyes followed up to the bulking armored man. His blonde beard graying in small patches and streaks in his short groomed hair. "I have urgent need to speak with the owner of the Estate. It is official Templar business, and negligence to comply will be seen as an act against the Chantry."

_Ferelden Templars? What are they doing here... _Instantly awake again Varric cleared his throat. "Ah yes, well I'll fetch Garrett right away. If you'll just wait here a moment." Beginning to close the door the foot of the Templar blocked it from closing. He pushed it back open as he entered the Estate.

"That will not be necessary." He spoke letting himself into the home.

"I'm sorry Ser, but we've all had a rough night. A friend was attacked and everyone is tired."

The Templar looked down halting his two companions. He looked genuinely apologetic, but his duty would have him continue on his mission. Garrett appeared around the corner followed by his mother several feet behind him.

The man looked away to the man he had sought. "Forgive the intrusion. I am Ser Hugh Silas." Hugh gave a slight bow of his head, arm bent and placed against his chest. "Myself and my companions have traveled from Ferelden seeking an appostate by the name of Solona Amell. We've tracked her family name here, to Kirkwall, and have high reason she is seeking refuge in the city."

Garrett leant into the wall crossing a leg over the other and casually folded his arms. "What reason would she come here? I've never met anyone other than my Uncle from my mothers side of the family."

"Then you would not mind quick sweep of the home? If you have nothing to hide Messere Hawke."

The two templars behind Hugh passed him by before being stopped before they could proceed farther into the Estate. One placed his hand on his sword.

"As my friend already has said, a close friend has just been attacked. She is resting and being treated right now. I would highly suggest not coming into my home unwarranted." The two men scuttled back behind their leader. "Ser Silas if I find any information on the cousin I've never met I will contact you, but for now leave."

Before Garrett could force the older man from the building he pulled a piece of paper from the bag at his side. "Messere Hawke I have authority to inspect any home or outlet I deem suspicious. Stand aside or I will have you arrested for harbouring an apostate, guilty or otherwise."

x-x-x-x-x-x

Garrett stood to the side of the room as the Templars searched the bottom floor of the Estate. Once they found it clear they began search of the upper level. "This room is clear." One said.

"As is this one." The other closed the door to Garrett's room. Hugh opened the last door to find Anders sitting at the bed side of Valerie. Upon seeing Hugh his eyes went wide and turned to Garrett. The other man's jaw was set clenched tightly. Anders flicked his eyes over to the fire place and Garrett walked over to lean against the mantle.

Hugh looked around suspiciously as he pulled the heavy curtains back to see the high window. He looked back toward Anders' recognition passing through his face. The former Grey Warden stood from his seat holding his head high. He knew he was still protected by his status, but only so much.

"Are you satisfied Ser Silas?"

The Templar turned to face Garrett giving him a spiteful glare. "Everything seems to be in order here. I am sorry for the disturbance. May your friend have a swift recovery." He bowed once more to Garrett. Turning back to Anders he spoke once more. "The Queens reach only extends so far... mage..."

"I will let Elissa know next time I write her." Hugh gave Anders a disgusted glare as he left the room. Several seconds later they could hear the front door open and slam shut. "It's safe now Solona." Garrett looked around to find where the woman could be hiding. He could hear scratching behind him and a muffled voice. He stepped away from the fire place as something landed behind him.

"Really? The fire place?" Solona glared up at him as she crawled out from her hiding spot.

"What did you expect me to sit in the wardrobe and when he opened that pretend I'm just a dress?" She gave a cough and dusted herself off flinging ash onto the other mage. She stalked off without farther word to clean herself.

"How did Solona know to hide? I thought she was helping you in here the entire time." Anders sighed as he sat back into his chair.

"We were discussing some things about Valerie, when Fenris of all people came in and warned us there were Templars at the door looking for her." Anders let out a heavy sigh trying to calm himself down from the sudden intrusion. "He left and she had just enough time to squeeze herself into the fireplace and then Hugh came in."

"She should lay low for awhile. You as well Anders."

"We'll hide in the lower levels for a few days. I'll... close the clinic and hope nothing happens. Hopefully everyone will be alright until Hugh leaves. They'll understand." Anders stood once again and packed up what little he had with him. "For now I need to head back to the Clinic though, I'll be back later tonight to check on Valerie."

"Watch yourself out there."

Anders brushed off Garrett's words. "I have something to discuss with you tonight. Get some rest Garrett."

The remainder of the day went by quickly as the majority of the household slept. Those who chose to remain awake soon found themselves dragging their feet back to their own beds for the night. Varric walked Merrill home with Isabela, and the other two chose to head to the Hangedman for quick drinks before they passed out face first into their beds. Sebastian as well headed back to the Chantry.

Fenris now claimed the chair by the bed. He sat the book he had been trying to read on the table as he rubbed his eyes. He sat back making himself comfortable and pulled a foot onto the chair resting his arm on his knee. He drummed his fingers against his leg and shifted around in the chair again pulling the other leg up as well. His eyes drifted shut for several seconds before he shot up again awake. With a low growl he stood up pacing around the room. Under the bed he spot Valerie's bag. The same one he had found almost four years ago.

The last time he had seen her use it she had been trying sneak away in the early hours of the morning. Curious he pulled the bag from under the bed only checking once that she had still been asleep. He knew he shouldn't go through her things without permission, but he wanted to know what was in it.

He stared at the bag for a moment trying to remember how she had opened it before. Pulling on the zipper it opened half way before becoming stuck on a piece of fabric. Fighting with it for a moment he managed to get the annoying contraption to open fully. _Clothes, what did I expect?_ He thought to himself as he poked around lifting one of her tiny all to revealing shirts. Giving it a skeptical look he placed it on the floor and found a small white device he had seen her using some months ago.

He just glared at the tangled mass of cord dangling from one end before that too was placed to the side. He pulled a piece of paper out next, one side was smooth while the other a bit rougher. Flipping it over he saw four faces staring back at him. It looked like a small, perfect painting of a family of four. A middle-aged man with a slight bald spot stood with a wide grin. Beside him a woman of the same age, looking angry or shocked at the other two in the photo. One he recognised instantly, the only one he knew, was Valerie. She stood behind a younger boy, her brother perhaps, a finger in each of his ears.

The boy looked as though he had just screamed for her to stop, and she just smiled mischievously. He smiled placing it to the side and pulled out a small leather book. Inside held several items. Several of them were small and had raised shapes on them. They must have said something, but he couldn't tell what. Most were bright colors, and shimmered when light touched them. One was white with a small square on the left side. Valerie's face stared back at him, she wasn't smiling though, but she didn't look angry. He tipped over the book, and out spilled green paper and another tiny painting. It was folded over perhaps to fit into the book.

It had been sitting like that for a long time, but the image was still clear. It was once again Valerie, this time it was only her. She wore a white long sleeved shirt with matching white pants, and a black belt around her waist. She looked tired in the painting, but she still smiled as she knelt down in the floor stretching. He folded the painting back up and tapped it on the back of one hand before tucking it away in his armor. Everything else though he replaced carefully back into the back where it belonged.

He sat back down in the chair and before long he found himself drifting off into sleep.

X-x-x-x-x-x

Moments before Garrett and Anders opened the door Fenris awoke from a light sleep. He could hear the two men talking on the other side of the door. "What was it you wanted to talk about, Anders?"

"I've been doing some thinking and-" Fenris stood as the door opened.

"Any changed Fenris?" Garrett walked into the room once more and began placing wood in the fire place.

"Slept all day. No more outbursts either." He watched as the two men began silently going about some tasks in the room, Garrett's fire had been started quickly thanks to a toss of a small fireball. Anders mixed some of his herbs into a glass of water. "I suppose I shall see myself out. Let me know if anything happens." He started for the door as Anders finished mixing some sort of remedy.

"I think you might want to stay to hear this as well." Turning Fenris looked to Garrett and Anders but the two remained silent. One didn't know what the other had to say and the other was silently going about helping Valerie recover. He held her head up and placed the cup to her lips pouring the liquid down her throat. She made a face, but relaxed as her head was sat back down into the pillows.

Garrett still crouched down at the fireplace warming his hands.

"I know you've been thinking the same thing Garrett, and we can't think differently any longer."

"We had this discussion four years ago, and until now nothing's shown itself." Fenris looked between the two as Garrett spoke and stood.

Anders turned to face the other mage. "You know it can lie dormant for years, but it's coming out now."

"What are you two getting at?" Fenris said with a bitter tone in his voice.

Anders stood between Valerie and Fenris using his entire bulk to block the other mans view. "You have another mage to deal with that's what." Fenris went from looking angry to confused and then denial. "Believe me I've tried to find all reasons to say it's not true, but it is. I did not do this to myself." He pulled up his sleeves to reveal bandages on both arms. Removing the bandages his arms oozed puss and blood. The other two men knew he could heal that to barely noticeable scars within a few hours, but he already had been drained from healing Valerie.

"She caused those?" Garrett asked. "When?"

"Just after everyone went downstairs. It was only for a moment, and then she stopped." Anders' began covering his wounds again as he spoke. "I don't even think she knew anything about it either. What happened in that house must have awakened it." The crackling of the fire was the only sound for several long minutes as the men thought to themselves.

"So what do you expect to happen now?" Fenris growled out. "Do we just take her out into the woods tell her good luck and leave it at that. She won't last a day."

Anders jaw clenched tightly as he began to speak through barred teeth. "We will not give her up to the Templars! I don't even want to hear you suggest that!" His voice was a stern whisper.

"Anders calm yourself. No one is suggesting that." Garrett placed a hand on Anders' shoulder. The blonde mage relaxed and gave a sigh. "When she's well enough to move. I will train her as best I can." The two men took fast glances across the room at the still sleeping woman. "Is that all you needed to say? If so get some rest, both of you I can take over watch now."

"No, one more thing. It's about the type of magic she can use. None of us have any experience with it. Even in the circle no one knew." Anders began to pace the length of the room. "Unless you know how to change forms and haven't told us."

"No Anders, I'm afraid I can't do that." Garrett watched as the other man stopped.

Anders stopped in his tracks. "I know of someone who might have some idea. I just hope she can tell us something useful."

"More of your great contacts I presume..." Fenris folded his arms against his chest. Anders just smiled giving a shrug of his shoulders.

"Well not really, but she did travel with someone she claimed to be a shapeshifter." Anders quickly crossed the room to grab a quill and paper. "I thought she was just making it up, but maybe she was telling the truth." Anders began to scrawl a fast letter. Garrett came to stand over his shoulder trying to read the short letter.

"You can't be serious." Garrett backed off. "That thing will be picked up before it even reaches her."

"Why who is he sending it to?" Fenris asked as he came to stand at the bed side. He gazed from under the fringe of his hair.

"Queen Elissa Theirin." With a grin he sealed the letter.


	28. The lies of Despair

CHAPTER 28: THE LIES OF DESPAIR

"Slowly don't sit up to quickly." Anders held onto my shoulders keeping me propped up against him. With a free hand he shuffled around behind me while I stared at my hands. My entire body felt bruised and sore. I couldn't even twich a finger without pain shooting down my spine. Each breath was like fire in my chest; the ends of my toes and fingers frozen. Anders sat me back against the pillows of the bed, and my body just sank right back into them. "Are you hungry?" I could hear him ask, but I didn't bother to look up at him.

I just blinked as I stared across the room, the only sign that I was even semi-conscious. I tried to slow my breathing down to only what was necessary. Even then I didn't care if I stopped all together. My body to broken and mind shattered.

I wish I could say that I didn't remember anything. That everything up to this point was just a fog. How I wished that was the case, but it wasn't. I remembered everything. I could remember the moment the old man attacked me, tangling my arms and legs in vines. Knocking me unconscious and everything that happened in the Fade. Awaking again to see the man leaving with something in his arms as he sauntered off.

I remember attacking Fenris, and nearly killing Anders. And them almost killing me. I was only a spectator in my own body. Lashing out at anything that moved. There was nothing about that day that I didn't remember.

I could only watch as it replayed over and over in my head. "You're such an idiot for going off like that." My eyes shifted over to Anders, he was picking up a bowl of something.

"Careful it's hot." He fed me slowly forcing some tasteless soup into my mouth.

"Don't choke stupid. Stupid girl killed herself choking on warm water."

"Leave me alone." I rasp out knocking the spoon and bowl away.

X-x-x-x-x-x

Anders just managed to turn the bowl so it didn't dump its contents over Valerie. With the action he found himself standing covered in the thin broth. Biting the inside of his cheek he placed the bowl on the desk once more and picked up a clean rag.

"What happened?" Varric asked as he came into the room.

Anders looked back down to Valerie, who was once again in a deep sleep. "She had a panic attack." He dropped the cloth onto the floor covering the puddle of spilled broth.

"I heard she was waking up earlier today. And I brought flowers and everything." Varric gave a lopsided grin shuffling a small wicker basket in his hands. "How has she been?"

"Hard to say truly. Her body is recovering quickly, but her mind I fear is slipping."

Anders stared down at the rag on the floor as it changed from white to light brown. Varric picked at a small white flower before placing it on the table beside the empty bowl. "She's been through a lot."

Anders gave a 'hmm' of agreement. Varric strode to the bedside placing his hand over Valerie's, clasping it tightly in his own as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Come on, Kitten. You can pull through this." Anders backed away from the two so the other man could talk in hushed privacy. "I very can't well end my story this early, now can I?" He gave a soft chuckle. "I'll come visit you when you're feeling better, alright? You be good for Blondie. I know he does that weird thing with his face when he's concentrating, but try to ignore that." Varric gave her hand a soft pat and sat it back down onto the bed.

When he turned back to face Anders the mage had bunched his eyebrows close together, and his upper lip raised. "What weird thing with my face." Varric simply shook his head as though he didn't know what the other man had been talking about.

_Three weeks later..._

"Don't be afraid to lean against me." Garrett's hand held me steady as I pulled my legs over the edge of the bed. I could see my legs they seemed so thin and weak as they moved across the covers. My knees locked up as soon as my feet hit the floor and refused to straighten out. "There you're getting faster at this." He spoke again as I finally stood on my own two feet.

He kept up with my slow pace as we walked across the room toward the door. I stopped suddenly nearly losing my balance. My throat went dry and my eyes widened. "No no no, I can't!" I shook my head violently causing the room to spin. All I could remember was shouting 'no' repeatedly and finding myself sitting back on the bed, and Garrett putting the covers around my shoulders. I rocked back and forth staring at the door. I felt as though I were a child again fearing the boogeyman. The one that I knew existed in this world.

I could hear a fed up grunt from Garrett. "You're damn useless you know that."

I screwed my eyes shut covering my ears with my hands. His hand touched my shoulder. "Valerie are you alright?" I answered with a scream, trying to drown his voice out of my head. His hand left in an instant as I hummed to myself.

X-x-x-x-x-x

"There she's finally resting." Anders placed the pouch of herbs into another bag. His hand touched Valerie's forehead, feeling no fever he picked through another set of herbs. "What else happened after she started to walk?" He asked setting a vial to the side for later use.

Garrett gave a short recount of what had occurred earlier in the day. Anders began flipping through pages of his notes.

"Has she become violent again?"

"No other than today she's been docile." Anders began opening several small jars, and mixed them together and began forming small round pills. Garrett watched from over Anders shoulder as the medicine was packed into a small empty box.

"This won't put her out like what I just used." Anders gave the box of medicine to Garrett for safekeeping. "It should help with the anxiety and stress." He packed away the rest of his belongings. "I'll come check on her in the morning. When she wakes up have her take one of those immediately."

"Anything else?"

"No, we just wait. Take things slow otherwise she might..." Anders cleared his throat. "Remember give her one when she wakes. I'll see you in the morning." Both men left the room, Anders passing by Fenris without so much as a glance. The latter ignoring him just as intently.

"Fenris." Garrett gave a tired greeting none to surprised to see the elf.

The elf acknowledged him with a nod of the head. "May I go in?"

Garrett stepped to the side to allow Fenris to pass. His hand shot out to stop the warrior. "She's sleeping so don't expect her to even know you're there." Fenris looked away grinding his teeth together. Garrett left with nothing else to say, and gave a yell to Feng.

Fenris suppressed the urge to roll his eyes as the front door was slammed shut several minutes later, and he realized that he hadn't made any farther attempt to enter the room. He shifted around on his feet trying to decide what he wanted. He turned to leave, but stopped himself. His shoulders slumped forward as he rested his head against the wall.

Eventually he worked up enough courage to enter the room. It seemed ages to reach the bed, nearly collapsing into the floor he sat down wearily. She seemed so pale against the dark red sheets of her bed. His hand reached out to trace along her cheek, barely able to see the many freckles dotted along her face. "I'm so sorry, I should have been there." He looked away from her face pulling his hand back to himself. He should have been faster.

He turned back expecting to see her staring back up at him. Accusing or accepting gaze, just to see her eyes staring back at him. "I never meant to hurt you. I was such a fool, and I've known all along. I should have turned around. I should have stayed." He didn't know if that would have even been enough. He knew it was to late to do anything, the suffering he had been trying to avoid found its target anyhow. His eyes closed shut tightly as he lent over burrowing his face in blankets beside her. His arms rested one at her side, and the other clutching as tightly as he dared.

The entire night he stayed by her side, hoping that she would awaken, and dreading the moment in turn.

It was well into the early hours of the next morning before Valerie began to awaken from the sleep induced by Anders' medicine.

X-x-x-x-x-x

On one side I felt warmer than the other. A slight weight pressed down across my legs, but somehow I felt safer in this moment than I have in the last several days.

"You don't deserve to be safe!"

I wanted to tell who ever that was to shut up, and leave me alone but all that left was a gargled moan. I took a deep breath counting to ten and opened my eyes. At first I couldn't make out what the white blob of a mess was laying beside me, half hanging off the other side of the bed. I must have gave a twitch because Fenris was awake and staring back at me. He once again became a blur of white and green as he rose up. I felt a sting in my eyes and warmth as tears spilled over my cheeks.

I don't know when he moved closer, but his arms wrapped around my shoulders hesitating, waiting for me to push him away. They slowly closed drawing me into him. Seeing him allowed everything that I had built up to come spilling forth. He said nothing, no coo's of 'it's alright' that would fall on deaf ears. Just a warm place to hide as I sobbed.

"Stop that, he's just going to leave again, and then you'll be all alone once more. Boo-hoo!"

"Don't go, please don't go!" I tried to spit out as coherently as I could.

His arms tightened. "I will never leave your side again."

I knew he told the truth. "But what if he's not! What then?" I shuttered trying to hide in his arms, bringing my hands over my ears. I mumbled under my breath falling in and out of sleep once again.

"Valerie?" Fenris pulled back his face contorted in concern.

"He doesn't care, you're being used." I took a deep breath as my blood ran cold. I no longer felt safe. I don't know if it was my heart beating in my ears or tinnitus. I felt like I was choking, I couldn't breathe. Fenris' hands moved to cover my own as his mouth moved, but I could hear nothing other than the constant loud ringing in my ears.

My body went stiff as he jumped from the bed his head turning away from me. He looked like he was yelling about something. I felt like I was flying away from my own body. I could see myself, cowering on the bed turning blue in the face. Twitching violently every few seconds while Fenris jumped about. Garrett came running into the room, half dressed and dishevelled. Without even breaking transition I could see him normally. I coughed as he put something in my mouth, and gasp for breath that I just couldn't take in.

"Valerie, focus pay attention to my voice."

"Just die it'll be easier!"

"In and out. Like that alright." Garrett took a breath in from his nose, nostrils flaring, and exhaled through his mouth. "Just relax."

"Don't bother, being dead will be easier!"

I watched Garrett intently trying to mimic his actions. "That's it, in and out." I coughed feeling the shaking in my arms begin to subside. Before I knew what was happening my breaths evened out, and I could hear clearly again. I tried to swallow, but nothing happened. "See you didn't need help after all." Garrett's beard crinkled up as he smiled from the corner of his mouth. He stood for a second, I could hear water being poured from somewhere beside me.

He returned a glass in hand. As I took it he turned back to Fenris. I couldn't see the looks the two exchanged as the glass blocked my view as I turned and emptied the liquid within.

Garrett and Fenris stood close by making small conversation. Mostly about what everyone had been up to for the last month. They told me Isabela was back, I smiled at that. It felt like the first time in forever that I had. They told me she wanted to take me to the Hanged-man as soon as I was able to walk again, and after a night time treat at the Blooming Rose.

That really didn't make me want to leave the confines of my room. I was safe here, nothing could happen to me here. Out there was to chaotic, and dangerous.

Several days later, Anders came back. He had been visiting less frequently, but something happened that forced him to return. I don't remember much of what started it, but the first thing that happened was I lay in the bed unable to breathe again. The entire room began to tremble and grew dark.

It felt like someone was sitting on my chest I couldn't move. There was nothing there, but with each struggle to scream or move was met with force. The very shadows on the wall began to warp and slither across the ceiling. All converging in the middle, growing downward stretching out toward me. I couldn't close my eyes, or turn my head. I was forced to watch as it fell to the ground out of my view. I thought it was over, but it rose back up at the edge of my bed. Towering over me, bending over as it met with the ceiling once more.

"Who are you?" It allowed me to say. It's shapeless form split apart a tiny tendril of smoke, pointing at me with a claw like hook.

It's laugh was slow, high with false glee. The voice molasses, drawn-out and over exaggerated.

It hooked it's claw under my chin, bringing it's own 'face' to mine.

"We are Despair..."


	29. To Overcome Fear

CHAPTER 29: TO OVER COME FEAR

Anders' hand passed slowly across Valerie's face. It hovered as he brought the other to rest against her forehead. She sat still mouth parted as it mimicked speech. He paused, leaving a small glow across Valerie's nose and forehead. Her mumbling ceased and she sat still blinking slowly. She lifted her head to take a look around, her eyes caught Garrett's as he rubbed at his beard.

"Valerie do you remember what happened during the night?" Anders ask as he moved his hand to rest on her shoulder. He watched her move her eyes to the side, avoiding his but staring over his other shoulder. She gave a barely noticeable shake of her head telling him 'no'. "I need you to tell me if something is happening Valerie. I can't help you otherwise."

She turned her head down and began fidgeting. Her head shook again, unsure if she should reveal her seemingly permanent companion.

X-x-x-x-x-x

Anders stood up and walked away to talk with Garrett. I wanted to tell him what had come to me in that nightmare. What it had told me, but that same reason kept my mouth shut.

This was my battle. Mine to fight alone, because it was all in my own mind. I know that, but at the same time it made it all the more frightening. It left me unable to identify reality from my own nightmares.

I lay awake at night staring into the darkness, just waiting on the demon to come back like he said he would. Though he hasn't come since that night. It promised it would, just not when. If it were true there was nothing that could be done. My mind felt foggy from the medicine that Anders had me take, it kept me numb. I was barely able to sit up on my bed, and for a moment I thought about falling back into the soft mattress. When my toes touched the soft plush carpet beside my bed I felt my legs cramp up from the lack of use.

I grit my teeth together, holding back a groan as the pain subsided. The bed gave a quiet creak as I stood and pulled myself with the post at the head of the bed. All along my arms goosebumps formed across my skin, and I felt a crisp chill in the air. The next breath I took in felt like inhaling smoke. The candles beside my bed suddenly were extinguished, leaving me in darkness. I turned to face my open door, the last place light would have came from, to be gone. Replaced by more darkness.

It was quiet in my room, save for my breathing and the blood pumping in my ears. I felt for my bed, and followed it along the wall to my night stand. Searching for the armchair in the corner of the room. Fenris had been there earlier, and had fallen asleep while reading one of Garrett's many books.

A noise caught my ear, something had fallen to the floor. My head turned to where the noise had came from. "Fenris?" I asked the darkness.

No answer. A shiver ran under my skin. More silence only to be interrupted by a voice. It was so muffled I couldn't make out what had been said. I felt around the nightstand, grabbing onto a candle stick. Hot wax dripped onto my fingers causing me to wave the metal and wax object through the air. The candle fell away from it's metal holder and rolled away into the darkness.

A soft glow of red sprung up from across my room. Only to disappear as quickly as it had come. My fingers tightened around the metal. It was then I felt something wet along the palm of my right hand. I had cut myself somehow.

In my moment of distraction I almost missed the voice returning. This time not sounding like it came from the insides of a fish tank.

"You will break, you will fall, you will come to us." I jumped into my night stand, causing it to knock into the wall. "What lengths will you take, to reclaim what you 'lost'."

"You're not real, get out of my head." I stumbled around and my back met wall. I was answered by a laugh as I fumbled around searching for the chair once more. The voice and laugh were familiar, though not the voice I had come accustomed to hearing. It was that man, the one that started this entire situation. "You're not here." I whimpered to myself holding the candle stick closer to myself.

"But my pet, I am." The red glow came back, brighter than the first time. Enough to highlight the silhouette of a man. I could see the contours of his face as he grinned at me from across the room. Half of his body illuminated by the glow of red from the hand he held up. It moved like thick liquid, dripping and pulling itself from his palm. My own palm felt hot, the blood ran down the candle stick dripping onto the floor. Though it felt like it was being forced out, rather than just flow out like it should. "My dear I can make this easy, or not. You can decide." He smirked from the corner of his mouth.

I wanted to taunt him with the threat of the others in the Estate. But somehow he called my bluff before I got to it. "They will not make it in time. You have no one, you are alone."

I shook my head, uncertain what to think. I didn't even know why he was targeting me. "Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you?"

He gave a nod and smile. "It isn't what you have done to me, per-say it is what you have taken from me. I will have him back, along with my new experiment. Namely yourself." He smacked his lips together as he thought to himself in my silence. "He didn't think I had been watching all this time. You truly had him so off guard."

"What are you talking about?" Why was he being so vague, what did he want, and what experiment was he talking about?

"My dear you wouldn't even remember if I told you. Because you won't be around to know, excuse me you will be around, just not as you are now. If that makes it clear enough." He gave a sigh. "Well I should excuse myself, it would seem like our 'little darling' would like to take over now." In an explosion of red he was gone. No farther word.

I could feel tears brimming at my eyes, but I couldn't cry. The thing had came back, leaping from the darkness in a furry of red and black. I dropped the candle stick to the ground as the demon lunged straight at me. I felt like my heart had stopped as it forced its way down at my stomach. My body gave a lurch as the demon met with it's target, but didn't continue. Instead it was held back by a soft glow that spilled around it, holding it in place. It wasn't held there long before it was forced back into the darkness; the light flickered beside me.

"Hope?" I asked as the light began taking physical form. The spirit looked toward me as I collapsed to the ground on my knees. It stood silently, it's eyes focused on my own. I let out the breath I didn't realize I had held when I broke eye contact with the spirit. I watched as the room around it and myself began to be bathed in a soft blue light. Bringing the room back into full view, the demon glaring at us from the shadows of my closet.

"I can not do much more. I apologize." Hope stared at the closet as I looked to it. "The demon has been with you far to long, growing inside of you, feeding off your torment. It will take all my strength just to trap it within us." As if feeling my confusion Hope stared back at me. "You will not suffer like your friend, and the anguished spirit I once knew."

"Anders?" Hope gave a nod of its head.

"We will both be trapped within you, sealed for the time all becoming one." Hope gave a curl of its upper lip. "If I do not, the demon will attack again only to take over your body and do as it pleases, but I can save you and your mind. I leave you with a warning. Do not give in to despair, do not fall to distress, or I will not be able to save you from what will follow."

"What do you mean?"

Hope sighed. "I can only protect you from the demon if you do not allow it to return. Do not waste my sacrifice mortal. I do not want this demon turning me." The demon crawled from the shadows bringing the darkness back with it, fighting against Hope's light.

"We will always be one!" The demon barked as it through itself at us again. It slammed into my body, making me feel heavy as it and Hope returned my mind and body. I collapsed to the ground gasping for air.

I pushed myself back up leaning against the wall. The cold stone bit into my back, but it was something I didn't mind. I stared off at the door way, watching the light from the hallway flicker brightly. My eyes shut as I gave a sigh, and when I opened them again I was back in my bed. The room lit up by the morning glow of the sun.

Sitting up I ran my hand through my hair. "It was just a dream." I pulled my hand from the tangled mass of my hair to stare down at my palm. A faint pink line sat in the folds of my hand, no blood caked onto it or any sign of anything to worry about. My room was clean, the candles on my nightstand all sitting where they should have been, and a faint trail of smoke floating around them as though they had just been put out.

"Ah you're awake. Here I brought you something to eat." I tore my gaze from the candles to find Solona pushing the door open with her hip, and carrying a small tray with a plate of food and water.

"Good morning, Solona." I spoke as I pulled the tray closer to myself after she sat it down. I ate quickly, my body craving the food before me. The mage woman stood off to the side sipping on her own glass of water.

"I can see you're feeling lively today." I stopped eating to stare back at her with a mouth full of tomatos and bread. She gave a grin and a roll of her eyes. "Anders will be happy to hear."

I swallowed my mouth full of food. She gave a sigh sitting into the chair closing her eyes and resting her head onto the back of the chair.

"To much has been going on the last month." She groaned out as she crossed her legs. "Some good news will help him."

"Where is he?" I ask. Solona looked to the window.

"The Clinic as usual. Not resting a moment for himself." She gave the window a hard stare. "I guess it makes him happy so, who am I to tell him no."

I was fast to agree with her, there was no changing his mind set. If only more people were like him in this world then maybe all of the horrible things going on wouldn't happen. Solona and I finished off our breakfast in silence.

"I'll go tell Anders that you're up, if you need anyone call for Bhodan. He should be somewhere in the house."

"Everyone else is gone?"

Solona gave a nod picking up my tray. "Even Leandra, she got some flowers this morning and left to meet someone." She left leaving me alone in my room with my thoughts. I stood once more to cross my room, only to stand before my mirror. My reflection stared back at me, a woman who I didn't recognize. Her eyes were dark and heavy, black hair matted against her head and face. Skin so pale that I could almost see each vein running through her body. She was a weedy thing, with shoulder bones that stuck out from under a much to big night gown. I locked eyes with her, and she right back. We both stared wearily at each other. A story of mute struggles from a life of anxiety in her eyes.

I touched the glass our hands meeting in untouched joining. I lent forward to stare at the floor, breaking site with the other woman. I slowly lifted my head back up, this time it was my eyes that stared back at me. This coward that was standing there moments ago wasn't me. The woman that couldn't even bare to confront herself, the one that cowered under the covers; that was not me.

The woman that I once was, that was changed into that shell, it would not be the woman I was to become.

I vow to myself, that will not be me. That man will pay for what he has caused. Because, I am not afraid, and I send a warning to the one who crossed me. I won't be left helpless, the rage inside of me, was brought on by you; and will beget your ruin.


End file.
